 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| The “Carne Armada” 2008 Theme "Pirates" (bring a costume) What is the Carne Armada? In the spirit of the Burning Man gift economy, (and because we are clinically insane!) Spanky’s Wine Bar and the “PlayaQ” (the famous mulit-sensory, performance art, gourmet BBQ camp) are, again, taking the show on the road (or the high seas of the playa… as it were) During an “Armada Attack” the obscene cuisine for which the Q has become famous, will be delivered to well deserving, pre-selected (and unsuspecting) Burning Man camp via our art-car armada. The elite meat will be accompanied by wait-staff, concubines (and concubones) as well as music, booze, bar-staff and a crew of “Carne Armada Dancers and Performers”. Our objective is to rapidly overwhelm our victim’s senses, appetites and imaginations… then vanish, as quickly as we appeared, without a trace… leaving them dumbfounded and overwhelmed. If done properly, in the aftermath, our victims should be left deliriously happy, buzzed, disoriented and in a state of sensory over-stimulation. The Carne Armada (or “Meat Fleet”… if you will) shall consist of a vittles ship (food transport), a few warships loaded with sexy seamen and sea women (wait staff, dancers, concubines/bones), and a tender ship in tow (bar & bartender). This armada will be equipped to keep our food hot, our booze frosty, our music loud and our 30 minute party raging. Joining each Armada run will be an assortment of additional ships from other camps, all adding to our “Gourmet Food-Themed Party”. What Happens when the Carne Armada Attacks? Imagine if you will… You are one of the builders of The Temple. You are swinging a hammer in the afternoon sun trying to get The Temple finished. It’s hot. You’re thirsty and hungry. In the distance you hear music. It’s getting closer. You see art cars approaching from every direction. As they near, you hear the music better… Wagner… Flight of the Valkeries. There is a very strange looking character on the lead ship. He is dressed as some sort of Navy Admiral… gone horribly wrong. The other cars are loaded with sexy women and men in a variety of uniforms… Some resembling food service positions, other more provocative in nature. The cars pull up from all sides, surrounding their intended victims. The music stops. A PA system blares, “Temple builders… you are under attack! For all the hard work you do… this party’ s for you!!!” Wagner is replaced by a bad-ass, kickin’ house beat. Girls and guys with frosty shots, beers and wine hop off the cars and dance up to you and your co-workers. Others dressed as pirate wenches ask you if you want a massage! (Um… sure!) You notice others are pulling out large plates of food… the kind of food that your cliff-bar, ramen noodle eating-self has been dreaming of each night. Pirate dressed (or undressed) “waiters and waitresses” start serving food off trays loaded with artistically garnished gourmet cuisine. Your waitress describes each exotic morsel as you dine. A pair stunning and provocative dancers pour a bit of Cabernet down your gullet as they grind on you… then dance away. Another server brings rack of lamb, a bar tender brings a Daiquiri Freezer Pop (how the hell did they freeze alcohol out here?!?). Another dancer, another culinary delight. (Have I died? Is this heaven?) More booze, the playa is spinning... The DJ is saying something about a camp called “The Q”. More food. More drink. More dancing. (What time is it? What was I doing? Where am I?!?!) Then you feel the fingernails of your masseuse gently brush your cheek as she scampers onto a departing ship… and poof… they’re gone. It’s all gone. Holy Fuck!!!! What just happened??? Fading into the distance you hear Copeland’s “Fanfare for the Common Man”… That is a Carne Armada attack! How do we pull it off? First... the camp we are attacking remains classified until moments before the attack. These attacks will be well planned and choreographed. We need to pack a hell-of-a-punch in thirty minutes. We need to be high energy! We must make mouths water, heads spin, hearts break and bellies burp! And we need to vanish into thin air, leaving no trace. Every member of the Carne Armada will have a specific mission. You will know your purpose and have a very clear assignment. SWB and The Q will provide everything you need to blow away our victim’s imagination. Every position in the Armada will be chosen by each participant, to suit their talents. Whatever your heart desires and completely up to your own choosing. You will meet cool people, have a great time, and be a participant in the Playa’s first mobile, food based, multi-sensory, performance art project. People wishing to take on leadership roles in the Armada (lead waitstaff, lead concubine, lead dancer, etc.) will be invited to participate in the planning stage and your involvement can be as significant as you desire. ~Admiral Painjoy~ |
JimHillas.Org Spanky's Wine Bar
Carne Armada Production Schedule
Official Carne Armada attack will be on Tuesday. We will meet at the Spanky’s Wine Bar lounge
starting at 5pm. The actual “attack” only lasts for 30 minutes, but there are many things that
happen before and after the attack. People involved in the armada should allow at least 3 hours
for the whole sha-bang! Prep for the attack (excluding cooking) begins about an hour prior to the
attack. Clean up and re-organizing takes about a half hour after the attack. This will be followed
by a “happy hour” for the armada participants at the camp bar!
Here’s the rundown…
PREP (at SWB and at the Q)
(Reverend Smoke, Chef Pimp and their culinary artists will be cooking food)
> Send a spy to the camp to be attacked (with 2-way radio)
> Get into costumes
> Organize vehicles
> Load supplies
> Briefing on the attack by Admiral Painjoy
> Check sound system (music and PA system)
> Load food onto vehicles
> Check with spy to make sure victims are in camp
> Load our asses into the vehicles!
> Set sail for the attack
DURING
> Final vehicle check on the open playa
> Assume formation
> Start the music
> As we near the camp, Painjoy will announce the attack!
> Park vehicles (then turn them around for departure)
> Begin the show! (see individual job descriptions)
> FOOD/MUSIC/BOOZE/DANCE/PERFORM/TEASE/PLEASE/WAAAAHOOOO!!!
> Prepare (at 5 minute cue) for stunningly quick departure
> Depart… stunningly quick
> Play departure music as we drive off into the sunset
AFTER
> Arrive back at the SWB
> Clean up
> Re-organize supplies for the next attack
> Then… after the second attack… clean, reorganize and… Party!
Carne Armada Job Descriptions
List of Jobs:
> Drivers + 1 HMFIC (head muthafuka in charge... or "Lead")
> Servers (aka Waitstaff) + 1 HMFIC
> Concubines & Concubones + 1 HMFIC
> Dancers & Performers + 1 HMFIC
> Bar Staff +1 HMFIC
> Security/Safety Staff + 1 HMFIC
> Disgruntled Butlers (aka Trash Collectors) + 1 HMFIC
> Spy/Go-fer
> First Mate & Photographer
> Admiral Painjoy
Drivers (may also have dual roles; ie. server, dancer, etc) –
> Please be sober for the attack
> Make sure your vehicle is working perfectly and it has fuel
> Know the capacity of your vehicle
> Dress/decorate for the theme as much as possible
> Find and meet “Driver HMFIC” and find out the route to the attack
> Attend the pre-attack briefing
> Load vehicle and test the weight and security of passengers and supplies
> Set sail… drive safely! (remember… SAFTY THIRD!!!)
> Assume the proper formation (to be determined on the playa)
> Watch the lead ship and keep your ears open for any info from the Admiral
> Arrive at victim’s camp… park… unload
> Turn vehicle around so it’s ready for quick departure toward sunset
> Assume your other job if you have one (otherwise you are a vehicle guard)
> Assist quietly loading at 5 minute warning
> Depart on cue
> Drive safely back to SWB
> Assist in clean-up and re-organization
> Party!
Servers (aka Waitstaff)
THE SUGGESTED OVERALL TONE OF THIS ROLE SHOULD BE ELEGANT, REFINED AND
FUNNY… think John Cleese from Monty Python “would you care for a wafer-thin mint?”
> Dress for the theme as much as possible
> Attend the pre-attack briefing
> Pay very close attention to what foods are being served
> Find out which vehicle you are riding on
> Help load food and supplies in vehicles
> Get on your vehicle and set sail (hoot, holler and make a ruckus!)
> Upon arrival at victim’s camp, immediately begin unloading food and doing any other
serving preparations
> Listen for last minute serving instructions
> Begin walking thru the victim’s camp offering them your tasty treats
> Be sure to describe, in detail, the foods they are getting
> Stay in character
> As your tray empties… go back to the vehicles and get more food
> Serve at a pace that won’t use up all the food in the first 10 minutes. We want the
victim’s eating for the full 30 minute attack
> Listen for the 5 minute warning, then make one last round of serving food
> Begin loading leftovers and supplies back on vehicles
> On cue, get on vehicle immediately and depart abruptly
> Assist in clean-up and re-organization
> Party!
Concubines & Concubones
THE SUGGESTED OVERALL TONE OF THIS ROLE SHOULD BE SUBSERVIANT, SEXY,
FLATTERING… think Barbara Eden from I Dream of Jeannie “does that feel good Master?”
> Dress for the theme as much as possible
> Have with you any supplies you need for your service (massage oil, sunscreen, wet-
naps, ky, etc)
> Attend the pre-attack briefing
> Find out which vehicle you are riding on
> Help load vehicles
> Get on your vehicle and set sail (hoot, holler and make a ruckus!)
> Upon arrival at the victim’s camp, immediately find a person to “service”. Introduce
yourself and explain what you do. Use terms like “Master”, “Mistress”, “Sir”
and “Madame”
> Don’t force your services on anyone
> Don’t just service the hot guyz and galz… all these hard working peeps need
your services!
> Stay in character
> Move on to a new victim often… we need to service the whole camp in 30 minutes
> Clean your hands between victims
> Listen for the 5 minute warning, but keep servicing victims until you hear the final cue
> When you hear the final cue, immediately stop talking, massaging, whatever and RUN
to your art car for immediate departure… this is supposed to be abrupt!
> Assist in clean-up and re-organization
> Party!
Dancers/Performers
THE SUGGESTED OVERALL TONE FOR DANCERS IS EROTIC, HIGH ENERGY (or sultry…
depending on the music), CATTY, TEASING
THE TONE FOR OTHER PERFORMERS (i.e. Carnies) SHOULD REFLECT THE NATURE OF
THEIR PERFORMANCE.
> Dress for the theme as much as possible
> Have with you any supplies you need for your performance or dance
> Attend the pre-attack briefing
> Alert Securty/Safety Staff of any special safety equipment you may need
> If your performance includes FIRE… consult with Admiral Painjoy prior to the event
> Alert Admiral Painjoy of any announcements you need made during your performance
> Find out which vehicle you are riding on
> Help load vehicles
> Get on your vehicle and set sail (hoot, holler and make a ruckus!)
> Upon arrival at the victim’s camp, immediately set up the location for your
performance or the platform you will dance on if you will be a stationary dancer
> Begin your dancing/performance ASAP
> When possible, change locations in the victim’s camp to give everyone a chance to
view each of our dancers/performers
> But, never go out of the sight of our security/safety staff
> Listen for the 5 minute warning, but keep servicing victims until you hear the final cue
> When you hear the final cue, immediately stop your performance, dancing, whatever
and RUN to your art car for immediate departure… this is supposed to be abrupt!
> Assist in clean-up and re-organization
> Party!
Bar Staff
THE SUGGESTED OVERALL TONE FOR THIS ROLE SHOULD BE DEBAUCHEROUS,
MISCHEVIOUS, DRUNKEN… think Dudley Moore in Arthur
“You’re a hooker?!?!?! And all this time I thought I was just doing really well with you!”
> Dress for the theme as much as possible
> Attend the pre-attack briefing
> Make sure you have cups for serving beverages
> Pay very close attention to what booze is being served
> Find out which vehicle you are riding on
> Help load booze (and other drinks), food and supplies in vehicles
> Get on your vehicle and set sail (hoot, holler and make a ruckus!)
> Upon arrival at victim’s camp, immediately begin unloading booze and doing any other
serving preparations
> Listen for last minute serving instructions
> Begin walking thru the victim’s camp offering them your frosty libations
> Be sure to describe, in detail, the booze they are getting
> Stay in character
> As your supply diminishes… go back to the bar car for more booze
> Serve at a pace that won’t use up all the booze in the first 10 minutes. We want the
victim’s drinking for the full 30 minute attack
> Listen for the 5 minute warning, then make one last round of serving booze
> Begin loading leftovers and supplies back on vehicles
> On cue, get on vehicle immediately and depart abruptly
> Assist in clean-up and re-organization
> Party!
Security/Safety Staff
THE SUGGESTED TONE FOR THIS ROLE IS
> You may dress with the theme, but also wear the helmet or vest that identifies you as
a security/safety staff member
> Meet with all performers and dancers prior to the briefing. Find out if anyone has any
special needs
> Attend the pre-attack briefing
> Find out which vehicle you are riding on
> Let everyone know where the first aid kit and fire safety equipment are located
> Help load supplies in vehicles
> Get on your vehicle and set sail
> Upon arrival at victim’s camp, secure a perimeter and note where all dancers and
performers are setting up
> Find and meet the camp’s leader
> Walk the crowd during the attack
> Watch for moochers as there is only enough food and booze for the camp we are
attacking
> Watch for assholes, frat boyz, shutter bugz and obnoxious phukers
> Be a diplomat… avoid anger and violence at all costs
> Don’t let disturbances stop the show… move the disturbers away ASAP
> Listen for the 5 minute warning, then begin loading supplies back on vehicles
> On cue, get on vehicle immediately and depart abruptly
> Assist in clean-up and re-organization
> Party!
Disgruntled Butlers (aka Trash Collectors)
THE SUGGESTED OVERALL TONE OF THIS ROLE SHOULD BE ANNOYING,
CONDESCENDING, SCATHINGLY WITTY… think Hobson the Butler from the movie Arthur…
“Perhaps you’d like me to wash your dick for you Sir?!?”
> Dress for the theme as much as possible
> Attend the pre-attack briefing
> Make sure you have trash bags and twist ties or zip cords
> Find out which vehicle you are riding on
> Help load booze, food and supplies in vehicles
> Get on your vehicle and set sail (hoot, holler and make a ruckus!)
> Upon arrival at victim’s camp, immediately begin unloading booze, food and doing
any other serving preparations (as there are no trash responsibilities yet)
> Once things get started, walk thru the crowd looking for trash in people’s hands (cups,
plates, napkins, bones, etc.) and ask for their trash
> Feel free to be witty and insulting… we got yer back… no really!
> Keep an eye on the ground for trash (and anywhere else trash may be left)
> Stay in character
> Listen for the 5 minute warning, then begin loading supplies back on vehicles
> On cue, get on vehicle immediately and depart abruptly
> Assist in clean-up and re-organization
> Party!
Spy/Runner/Go-fer
THE TONE FOR THIS ROLE IS NOT PART OF THE THEME… YOU ARE TO BE INNOCUOUS,
MILD MANNERED, NON-DESCRIPT, INVISIBLE… you’re a friggin’ spy for christ-sake!!!
> You will meet the leader (or a lieutenant) of the victim’s camp a day prior to
the attack and remind him that the attack is tomorrow (Painjoy will
most likely be with you for this)
> On the day of the attack you will scoot or bike to the victim’s camp about a
half hour prior to the attack. Admiral Painjoy will dispatch you. You and Painjoy will
both have 2 way radios set to the same frequency
> When you arrive at the victim’s camp, quietly and discretely find the leader (or
lieutenant) and remind him of the attack.
> You are not to let any other members of the victim’s camp know of the impending
attack!!!
> Don’t blow it!!!
> We mean it!!!
> When the leader/lieutenant says that all or most of the camp is there, let
Painjoy know
> Don’t let other members of the victim’s camp hear this radio transmission. Or we
may have to kill you.
> Painjoy will let you know when we are 5 minutes away.
> If for any reason the attack should be postponed, let the Admiral know ASAP
> During the attack, you may be called upon to run back to camp for anything that
may have been forgotten or needed for an emergency.
> Listen for the 5 minute warning, then begin loading supplies back on vehicles
> On cue, get on vehicle immediately and depart abruptly
> Assist in clean-up and re-organization
> Party!
Photographer (aka 1st mate)
THE SUGGESTED TONE FOR THIS ROLE IS THAT OF A FILM-NOIR, PUSHY, BUT-IN-SKI,
1940s LIFE MAGAZINE REPORTER… think the reporters from the movie Airplane… “OK boys…
let’s get some pictures” (as they walk to the nearest wall and remove all the pictures hanging
there)
> Make sure you have your camera, film, batteries, etc.
> Attend the pre-attack briefing
> Take pictures
> You ride on the flagship
> Take pictures
> Get on your vehicle and set sail (hoot, holler and make a ruckus!)
> Take pictures
> As we arrive…
> Take pictures
> During the attack…
> Take pictures
> As we depart…
> Take pictures
> When we get back to the Q…
> Take pictures
> During the after-attack happy hour…
> Take pictures
> When you’re naked in the shower…
The Admiral
THE TONE FOR THIS ROLE IS… WELL… PAINJOY… think Painjoy… “any questions?”
> Coordinate and choreograph all Carne Armada attacks with Soss Boss, Smooth and
all the HMFICs
> Coordinate attacks with the spies and the camp leaders/lieutenants
> Ensure that all attacks are fully staffed
> Ensure that music and PA systems are working
> Dress utterly insane!
> Be utterly insane!!!
> Begin announcing “time to get dressed and organized for the carne armada attack”
90 minutes prior to departure
> Send out the spy
> Inform drivers of the route to the attack
> Conduct briefing 30 minutes prior to attack (see briefing sheet)
> Oversee the loading of all vehicles
> Check with the spy
> Announce departure
> Assemble all art cars on the open playa
> Assume the attack formation
> Cue the music – Wagner’s “Flight of the Valkyries”
> Set sail (encourage hooting, hollering and causing a ruckus)
> Inform spy that we’ve set sail
> As we near the victim’s camp… announce the attack!!!
> Play music for dancers and performances
> Act as DJ and MC
> Schmooze
> Oversee
> At the 5 minute mark… give the signal
> At the departure time… give the signal
> Cue departure music
> Ride off into the sunset (continue to encourage hooting, hollering, and ruckus)
> Oversee clean up and re-organization
> Drink… heavily!
Official Carne Armada attack will be on Tuesday. We will meet at the Spanky’s Wine Bar lounge
starting at 5pm. The actual “attack” only lasts for 30 minutes, but there are many things that
happen before and after the attack. People involved in the armada should allow at least 3 hours
for the whole sha-bang! Prep for the attack (excluding cooking) begins about an hour prior to the
attack. Clean up and re-organizing takes about a half hour after the attack. This will be followed
by a “happy hour” for the armada participants at the camp bar!
Here’s the rundown…
PREP (at SWB and at the Q)
(Reverend Smoke, Chef Pimp and their culinary artists will be cooking food)
> Send a spy to the camp to be attacked (with 2-way radio)
> Get into costumes
> Organize vehicles
> Load supplies
> Briefing on the attack by Admiral Painjoy
> Check sound system (music and PA system)
> Load food onto vehicles
> Check with spy to make sure victims are in camp
> Load our asses into the vehicles!
> Set sail for the attack
DURING
> Final vehicle check on the open playa
> Assume formation
> Start the music
> As we near the camp, Painjoy will announce the attack!
> Park vehicles (then turn them around for departure)
> Begin the show! (see individual job descriptions)
> FOOD/MUSIC/BOOZE/DANCE/PERFORM/TEASE/PLEASE/WAAAAHOOOO!!!
> Prepare (at 5 minute cue) for stunningly quick departure
> Depart… stunningly quick
> Play departure music as we drive off into the sunset
AFTER
> Arrive back at the SWB
> Clean up
> Re-organize supplies for the next attack
> Then… after the second attack… clean, reorganize and… Party!
Carne Armada Job Descriptions
List of Jobs:
> Drivers + 1 HMFIC (head muthafuka in charge... or "Lead")
> Servers (aka Waitstaff) + 1 HMFIC
> Concubines & Concubones + 1 HMFIC
> Dancers & Performers + 1 HMFIC
> Bar Staff +1 HMFIC
> Security/Safety Staff + 1 HMFIC
> Disgruntled Butlers (aka Trash Collectors) + 1 HMFIC
> Spy/Go-fer
> First Mate & Photographer
> Admiral Painjoy
Drivers (may also have dual roles; ie. server, dancer, etc) –
> Please be sober for the attack
> Make sure your vehicle is working perfectly and it has fuel
> Know the capacity of your vehicle
> Dress/decorate for the theme as much as possible
> Find and meet “Driver HMFIC” and find out the route to the attack
> Attend the pre-attack briefing
> Load vehicle and test the weight and security of passengers and supplies
> Set sail… drive safely! (remember… SAFTY THIRD!!!)
> Assume the proper formation (to be determined on the playa)
> Watch the lead ship and keep your ears open for any info from the Admiral
> Arrive at victim’s camp… park… unload
> Turn vehicle around so it’s ready for quick departure toward sunset
> Assume your other job if you have one (otherwise you are a vehicle guard)
> Assist quietly loading at 5 minute warning
> Depart on cue
> Drive safely back to SWB
> Assist in clean-up and re-organization
> Party!
Servers (aka Waitstaff)
THE SUGGESTED OVERALL TONE OF THIS ROLE SHOULD BE ELEGANT, REFINED AND
FUNNY… think John Cleese from Monty Python “would you care for a wafer-thin mint?”
> Dress for the theme as much as possible
> Attend the pre-attack briefing
> Pay very close attention to what foods are being served
> Find out which vehicle you are riding on
> Help load food and supplies in vehicles
> Get on your vehicle and set sail (hoot, holler and make a ruckus!)
> Upon arrival at victim’s camp, immediately begin unloading food and doing any other
serving preparations
> Listen for last minute serving instructions
> Begin walking thru the victim’s camp offering them your tasty treats
> Be sure to describe, in detail, the foods they are getting
> Stay in character
> As your tray empties… go back to the vehicles and get more food
> Serve at a pace that won’t use up all the food in the first 10 minutes. We want the
victim’s eating for the full 30 minute attack
> Listen for the 5 minute warning, then make one last round of serving food
> Begin loading leftovers and supplies back on vehicles
> On cue, get on vehicle immediately and depart abruptly
> Assist in clean-up and re-organization
> Party!
Concubines & Concubones
THE SUGGESTED OVERALL TONE OF THIS ROLE SHOULD BE SUBSERVIANT, SEXY,
FLATTERING… think Barbara Eden from I Dream of Jeannie “does that feel good Master?”
> Dress for the theme as much as possible
> Have with you any supplies you need for your service (massage oil, sunscreen, wet-
naps, ky, etc)
> Attend the pre-attack briefing
> Find out which vehicle you are riding on
> Help load vehicles
> Get on your vehicle and set sail (hoot, holler and make a ruckus!)
> Upon arrival at the victim’s camp, immediately find a person to “service”. Introduce
yourself and explain what you do. Use terms like “Master”, “Mistress”, “Sir”
and “Madame”
> Don’t force your services on anyone
> Don’t just service the hot guyz and galz… all these hard working peeps need
your services!
> Stay in character
> Move on to a new victim often… we need to service the whole camp in 30 minutes
> Clean your hands between victims
> Listen for the 5 minute warning, but keep servicing victims until you hear the final cue
> When you hear the final cue, immediately stop talking, massaging, whatever and RUN
to your art car for immediate departure… this is supposed to be abrupt!
> Assist in clean-up and re-organization
> Party!
Dancers/Performers
THE SUGGESTED OVERALL TONE FOR DANCERS IS EROTIC, HIGH ENERGY (or sultry…
depending on the music), CATTY, TEASING
THE TONE FOR OTHER PERFORMERS (i.e. Carnies) SHOULD REFLECT THE NATURE OF
THEIR PERFORMANCE.
> Dress for the theme as much as possible
> Have with you any supplies you need for your performance or dance
> Attend the pre-attack briefing
> Alert Securty/Safety Staff of any special safety equipment you may need
> If your performance includes FIRE… consult with Admiral Painjoy prior to the event
> Alert Admiral Painjoy of any announcements you need made during your performance
> Find out which vehicle you are riding on
> Help load vehicles
> Get on your vehicle and set sail (hoot, holler and make a ruckus!)
> Upon arrival at the victim’s camp, immediately set up the location for your
performance or the platform you will dance on if you will be a stationary dancer
> Begin your dancing/performance ASAP
> When possible, change locations in the victim’s camp to give everyone a chance to
view each of our dancers/performers
> But, never go out of the sight of our security/safety staff
> Listen for the 5 minute warning, but keep servicing victims until you hear the final cue
> When you hear the final cue, immediately stop your performance, dancing, whatever
and RUN to your art car for immediate departure… this is supposed to be abrupt!
> Assist in clean-up and re-organization
> Party!
Bar Staff
THE SUGGESTED OVERALL TONE FOR THIS ROLE SHOULD BE DEBAUCHEROUS,
MISCHEVIOUS, DRUNKEN… think Dudley Moore in Arthur
“You’re a hooker?!?!?! And all this time I thought I was just doing really well with you!”
> Dress for the theme as much as possible
> Attend the pre-attack briefing
> Make sure you have cups for serving beverages
> Pay very close attention to what booze is being served
> Find out which vehicle you are riding on
> Help load booze (and other drinks), food and supplies in vehicles
> Get on your vehicle and set sail (hoot, holler and make a ruckus!)
> Upon arrival at victim’s camp, immediately begin unloading booze and doing any other
serving preparations
> Listen for last minute serving instructions
> Begin walking thru the victim’s camp offering them your frosty libations
> Be sure to describe, in detail, the booze they are getting
> Stay in character
> As your supply diminishes… go back to the bar car for more booze
> Serve at a pace that won’t use up all the booze in the first 10 minutes. We want the
victim’s drinking for the full 30 minute attack
> Listen for the 5 minute warning, then make one last round of serving booze
> Begin loading leftovers and supplies back on vehicles
> On cue, get on vehicle immediately and depart abruptly
> Assist in clean-up and re-organization
> Party!
Security/Safety Staff
THE SUGGESTED TONE FOR THIS ROLE IS
> You may dress with the theme, but also wear the helmet or vest that identifies you as
a security/safety staff member
> Meet with all performers and dancers prior to the briefing. Find out if anyone has any
special needs
> Attend the pre-attack briefing
> Find out which vehicle you are riding on
> Let everyone know where the first aid kit and fire safety equipment are located
> Help load supplies in vehicles
> Get on your vehicle and set sail
> Upon arrival at victim’s camp, secure a perimeter and note where all dancers and
performers are setting up
> Find and meet the camp’s leader
> Walk the crowd during the attack
> Watch for moochers as there is only enough food and booze for the camp we are
attacking
> Watch for assholes, frat boyz, shutter bugz and obnoxious phukers
> Be a diplomat… avoid anger and violence at all costs
> Don’t let disturbances stop the show… move the disturbers away ASAP
> Listen for the 5 minute warning, then begin loading supplies back on vehicles
> On cue, get on vehicle immediately and depart abruptly
> Assist in clean-up and re-organization
> Party!
Disgruntled Butlers (aka Trash Collectors)
THE SUGGESTED OVERALL TONE OF THIS ROLE SHOULD BE ANNOYING,
CONDESCENDING, SCATHINGLY WITTY… think Hobson the Butler from the movie Arthur…
“Perhaps you’d like me to wash your dick for you Sir?!?”
> Dress for the theme as much as possible
> Attend the pre-attack briefing
> Make sure you have trash bags and twist ties or zip cords
> Find out which vehicle you are riding on
> Help load booze, food and supplies in vehicles
> Get on your vehicle and set sail (hoot, holler and make a ruckus!)
> Upon arrival at victim’s camp, immediately begin unloading booze, food and doing
any other serving preparations (as there are no trash responsibilities yet)
> Once things get started, walk thru the crowd looking for trash in people’s hands (cups,
plates, napkins, bones, etc.) and ask for their trash
> Feel free to be witty and insulting… we got yer back… no really!
> Keep an eye on the ground for trash (and anywhere else trash may be left)
> Stay in character
> Listen for the 5 minute warning, then begin loading supplies back on vehicles
> On cue, get on vehicle immediately and depart abruptly
> Assist in clean-up and re-organization
> Party!
Spy/Runner/Go-fer
THE TONE FOR THIS ROLE IS NOT PART OF THE THEME… YOU ARE TO BE INNOCUOUS,
MILD MANNERED, NON-DESCRIPT, INVISIBLE… you’re a friggin’ spy for christ-sake!!!
> You will meet the leader (or a lieutenant) of the victim’s camp a day prior to
the attack and remind him that the attack is tomorrow (Painjoy will
most likely be with you for this)
> On the day of the attack you will scoot or bike to the victim’s camp about a
half hour prior to the attack. Admiral Painjoy will dispatch you. You and Painjoy will
both have 2 way radios set to the same frequency
> When you arrive at the victim’s camp, quietly and discretely find the leader (or
lieutenant) and remind him of the attack.
> You are not to let any other members of the victim’s camp know of the impending
attack!!!
> Don’t blow it!!!
> We mean it!!!
> When the leader/lieutenant says that all or most of the camp is there, let
Painjoy know
> Don’t let other members of the victim’s camp hear this radio transmission. Or we
may have to kill you.
> Painjoy will let you know when we are 5 minutes away.
> If for any reason the attack should be postponed, let the Admiral know ASAP
> During the attack, you may be called upon to run back to camp for anything that
may have been forgotten or needed for an emergency.
> Listen for the 5 minute warning, then begin loading supplies back on vehicles
> On cue, get on vehicle immediately and depart abruptly
> Assist in clean-up and re-organization
> Party!
Photographer (aka 1st mate)
THE SUGGESTED TONE FOR THIS ROLE IS THAT OF A FILM-NOIR, PUSHY, BUT-IN-SKI,
1940s LIFE MAGAZINE REPORTER… think the reporters from the movie Airplane… “OK boys…
let’s get some pictures” (as they walk to the nearest wall and remove all the pictures hanging
there)
> Make sure you have your camera, film, batteries, etc.
> Attend the pre-attack briefing
> Take pictures
> You ride on the flagship
> Take pictures
> Get on your vehicle and set sail (hoot, holler and make a ruckus!)
> Take pictures
> As we arrive…
> Take pictures
> During the attack…
> Take pictures
> As we depart…
> Take pictures
> When we get back to the Q…
> Take pictures
> During the after-attack happy hour…
> Take pictures
> When you’re naked in the shower…
The Admiral
THE TONE FOR THIS ROLE IS… WELL… PAINJOY… think Painjoy… “any questions?”
> Coordinate and choreograph all Carne Armada attacks with Soss Boss, Smooth and
all the HMFICs
> Coordinate attacks with the spies and the camp leaders/lieutenants
> Ensure that all attacks are fully staffed
> Ensure that music and PA systems are working
> Dress utterly insane!
> Be utterly insane!!!
> Begin announcing “time to get dressed and organized for the carne armada attack”
90 minutes prior to departure
> Send out the spy
> Inform drivers of the route to the attack
> Conduct briefing 30 minutes prior to attack (see briefing sheet)
> Oversee the loading of all vehicles
> Check with the spy
> Announce departure
> Assemble all art cars on the open playa
> Assume the attack formation
> Cue the music – Wagner’s “Flight of the Valkyries”
> Set sail (encourage hooting, hollering and causing a ruckus)
> Inform spy that we’ve set sail
> As we near the victim’s camp… announce the attack!!!
> Play music for dancers and performances
> Act as DJ and MC
> Schmooze
> Oversee
> At the 5 minute mark… give the signal
> At the departure time… give the signal
> Cue departure music
> Ride off into the sunset (continue to encourage hooting, hollering, and ruckus)
> Oversee clean up and re-organization
> Drink… heavily!
| Sign up to join the Carne Armada |