Spanky's Wine Bar
“We tried so hard to be adults, but just look at us... just fucking look!!!"
The Paddler
The monthly newsletter for Spanky's Wine Bar
The Paddler
January 2018
The Monthly Newsletter for Spanky’s Wine Bar
(All the news that fits, we print)

In this issue
…which should be read while listening to this Bootie Mashup- “Here Comes the Light” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5ywBl2YA5Y

-        The Admiral’s Rave
-        A Year of Considerable Loss
-        Plans for SWB 2018
-        2018 Burning Man Tickets/Passes (The DGS)
-        The “Spankier Than Thou” game… just for fun
-        LoveBurn! (upcoming event January 26-28)
-        SWB Staph

ADMIRAL’S RAVE
Looking back on what we did last year, all I can say is, Wow… we “knocked it out of the park”!  Our 10th Anniversary was fantastic.  My
thanks go out to everyone.  

The Devil Lives in the Details:
I specifically want to thank Elisha (Mafesto), who created our beautiful, 10th Anniversary namebadges (as I forgot to mention her
herculean efforts during my opening speech on the playa).  Most of you would be surprised at how much effort goes into the details of
Spanky’s (details like a seemingly-simple namebadge).  Being that a standard work-week is 40 hours, how many hours would you
guess goes into the namebadges?  20?  40?  100?  Nope.  Between the conceptualizing, graphic design work, collection of data and
photos, templating and layout, cross-checking, printing and laminating, trimming, adding clasps, shipping, insertion into welcome packs,
and distribution… the namebadge project for 300ish people takes upwards of 200 man/hours (and this work is done in July/Aug… when
we’re all scrambling to get our shit together for the playa).  So the next time you see Mafesto, give her a hug and a Spanky’s High-Five ;)

And the namebadges are but one small detail that made up the dozens and dozens of memorable details in our village this year.  
Everybody who helped create the best Spanky’s yet should give themselves a big pat-on-the-back.  What started as an idea in my twisted
mind, back in 2007 has evolved into a renowned, beloved Burning Man institution.  Thank you all for making my kinky-dream into a
fantastic reality!

Our SWB events filled the BASS to capacity and kicked ass this past year.  I recall, during Spank-dat-Bootie, it was a wind-less night… but
SWB was a huge dust storm, unto itself, from all the dust that was kicked up from all the dancing!  The Festival of Bubastis was a rager
too.  Did anyone else see that pink-pantied-pervert being forced to do unspeakable things on the center stage?  Wild.


A YEAR OF CONSIDERABLE LOSS
Sadly though, 2016/2017 was also a year of mourning for our village.  Homage was paid to many of our fallen playa-compatriots and
family members.  Most notably, fellow Spanker Mungo, our friend Ranger Bourbon, my Step Dad (SWB accountant), and Alex Steneck
(PlayaQ founder, Soss Boss).  The PlayaQ camp came back together to honor Alex with one final Rock Star Dinner, one final Carne
Armada attack, and massive food give-aways.  Thanks to all who worked on the food, the infrastructure, and those events.   The Bman
Founders and other members of First Camp are still singing the praises of PlayaQ and The Carne Armada!  And personally, I have never
seen the PlayaQ do a better, more elaborate Rock Star Dinner.  All hail the Q!  (and fuck you, Soss Boss ;)  Even in death, you’re still
creating new friendships – and making us work our asses off!)  

And, as most of you saw on FB, we lost our dear friend (and Spanker) Sheri LaFurge last month.  Sheri finally succumb to cancer.  Sheri’s
cousin, Lady Victoria, will be organizing a service for Sheri at The Temple this year.  Our hearts are aching.


PLANS FOR SWB 2018
Many rumors have been floating about.  I know this because I started quite a few of them ;)
Two camps (Nothing Camp & Spanky’s) is no longer an option… too hard to get enough Bman tix for Nothing Camp.
So here’s the final game-plan for SWB 2018…

Our 10th Anniversary endeavors yielded more than I’d hoped for in 2017, but it was also a technically difficult and physically laborsome
undertaking for most of us.  Most of us were utterly exhausted by the end.  So this year, we will return to our roots.  We are going to scale-
back in 2018.  I’m sure you’ll all agree that we’ve earned a break in 2018.  We need to shrug the yoke of oppressive responsibility this
year.  Therefore, I will be leading a very simple version of Spanky’s this summer (similar to “Spanky’s Mini-Bar” in 2011).

We will request to be a “placed village”, as usual.  We will still have our BASS, our bar, a small sound-system, and a couple of kink toys.  
We will have our existing power grid (not the huge one from last year), one generator (not four), one rental truck (not four), and a shower.  
We will be doing what we do best.  We’ll be an eclectic, fun, kinky bar.  There will be no set “work-shift” schedule.  There will be no
appetizer program.  No camp kitchen/sanctuary.  No DJ booth.  No kink tent.  No Tunnel of Glove.  Early build and break-down/mooping
will be a breeze (compared to recent years).  Camp dues will go down a bit.  Labor requirements will also go down.  And there will be no
senior-management team… just me.

But that is NOT to say that 2018 will be a lazy free-for-all.  We are not “resting on our laurels”… just scaling back.  There WILL still be work
to do.  There will be project leaders (just not senior management).  Spanky’s will still be entertaining, wine-ing, and abusing the masses
;)  We will all still abide the core values of Spanky’s and Burning Man.  And everyone will still need to “sign up” and pay camp dues.

Sub-camps within Spanky’s are still welcomed to be a part of the village.  They can have some limited power, from the grid.  But aside
from that, they will be completely self-sufficient… doing their own set-up, staffing, break-down, and MOOPing.

P.S. – Don’t get complacent this year… I have grandiose plans for SWB2019!  ;)


2018 BURNING MAN TICKETS/PASSES (THE DGS)
Burning Man Tickets/Passes go on sale soon.   Every year, some of you screw up in the ticket sales.  I’m not sure if you’re ignorant or
apathetic… frankly, I don’t know and I don’t care ;)
Point is… READ ALL THE INFO!  I’m not bailing people out this year.  Fail to prepare = prepare to fail

IMPORTANT TICKET INFO…
1-        You MUST update your Burner Profile (on the Bman website) in order to buy tix in ANY sale.  Do it now, so you don’t forget.  https:
//profiles.burningman.org/
2-        DGS (Directed Group Sale) tickets will probably be available to Spanker’s again this year.  They are reserved for those who are
important to the creation of Spanky’s, running Spanky’s during Bman, breaking-down and MOOPing the village at the end, attending
work/party weekends, etc.
3-        SWB will be applying for DGS tickets/passes (no guarantees that we get them, or how many)
4-        If you want to buy a DGS ticket/pass through Spanky’s, you will need to let me know ASAP… between now and February 12th, via
email: jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com  
5-        You can buy up to 2 tickets and 1 car pass in the DGS.  I will be pairing-up those who aren’t paired-up already, as usual, so that
DGS tix don’t go to waste.  If you’re buying 2 tickets, let me know who the 2nd one is for.  Also, let me know if you need a vehicle pass.
6-        Tickets in the DGS (and Main Sale) cost $425.00.  Vehicle passes cost $80.00
7-        You DON’T need to register with Bman for DGS tickets… I (Admiral Painjoy) register you for the DGS with Bman.  (You do need to
register for Bman tix in the Pre Sale and the Main Sale though.)
8-        To get a DGS ticket, you must have already signed up to camp with Spanky’s, on the SWB website:  www.spankyswinebar.com  Go
to the “Sign Up” page.
9-        And priority on DGS tickets goes to those who have already paid Camp Dues

The three other ticket sales that concern us soon are:
1-        The Pre-Sale (Registration is Jan 24-26 – The Sale Date is Jan 31st).  These are the super-expensive tickets that help fund Bman
stuff ($990.00 or $1200.00 each).  If you can afford these… great.  You’re helping Bman and easing the ticket-burden for SWB.
2-        The Main Sale (Registration is March 21 – 23 – The Sale Date is March 28th).  
3-        The Low Income Ticket Program (Registration is Feb 14th – April 16th)
PLEASE READ all the info about Bman ticket sales here:  https://tickets.burningman.org/


THE “SPANKIER THAN THOU” GAME… JUST FOR FUN
No need to reply with results.  This is just for fun.  (Taken from the SWB FB page)… LOL
(one point for each “yes” answer)
___  I have camped with SWB for more than 5 years
___  I have attended Juplaya with SWB
___  I know the correct response to, “Your heart may belong to the man….. “
___  I have been a guest at 3 (or more) other Spankers homes, in the default world
___  I have (at least) one piece of Lucky Bastard’s art on my wall at home
___  I have been to work/party weekends at all 3 Skunkworks… Joey’s, Donny’s, AND Liam’s
___  I know eLeM’s real last name AND how to spell it
___  I have ridden the Orgasmator (for males, I have helped build or break-down the Orgasmator)
___  I camped at the conGLOMerate village (the precursor village to SWB)
___  I have helped set up the BASS
___  I have been fondled (or fondled somebody else) at the Groping Booth (or Tunnel of Glove)
___  I have DJ’d at Spanky’s
___  I have been an eyewitness to an APJ orgasm
___  I have administered spankings with the Spank-O-Matic
___  I have ridden the Teeter Totter of Death AND the Chairway to Heaven tower
___  I have helped APJ with SWB paperwork or SWB projects at his house
___  I have been shackled to the bondage wall at SWB
___  I have danced on one of the SWB stages
___  I have been one of the first 12 Spankers on-playa for Early Build
___  I have been one of the last 12 Spankers on-playa for Break-down and MOOPing
___  I have (or have had) an SWB bumper-sticker on my vehicle
___  I have received a compliment (or other positive feedback) from Mayor Joey
___  I have been an SWB driver (drove an SWB truck… or left the playa to run an SWB errand)
___  I have given an honest description of SWB to my default-world biological family
___  I have served as Camp Bitch at SWB
___  I have argued with Major-D
___  I have had sex with a fellow Spanker, and loved it
___  I have had sex with a fellow Spanker, and regretted it
___  I have ridden on (at least) one of SWB’s art cars
___  I have been on an SWB art car when it broke-down on the playa
___  I have participated in a Carne Armada attack
___  I have given somebody a “Spanky’s High-Five”… off-playa
___  I have dog-eared a copy of the What/Where/When guide, to mark SWB events
___  I have had a full-blown “playa meltdown” at SWB
___  I have helped a fellow Spanker get through a “playa meltdown”
___  I have done an ice-run for SWB
___  I have helped to create art-work for SWB (artistic painting, graphic-design, swag, etc.)
___  I own sex toys that I consider “too nice to bring to Spanky’s”
___  There is a picture of me on the internet wearing an SWB medallion/necklace
___  I feel that “butt plug” is an acceptable answer to most questions
___  I have been personally mentioned in an issue of The Paddler
___  My picture (or my art/project) is on the SWB website
___  I know the two foods that APJ doesn’t like
___  I know two of the foods that Lucky Bastard does like
___  I sometimes think of a fellow Spanker when I masturbate
___  More than half of my current friends are Spankers
___  I have more pics of Spankers on my computer (FB included) than my biological family
___  I can recite (at least) 3 of SWB’s mottos from memory
___  I have had a problem solved for me by either Naked Larry, Gunny, or Fergus
___  I know what Painjoy’s title was before he was “Admiral”


LOVE BURN!
Love Burn is the Florida Regional Burning Man Event.  It’s coming up VERY soon, but it’s not too late to get tix and go!  I believe that
Scooter still has some tix available:  samedaysignssouth@gmail.com or you can get them through the LoveBurn website:
https://theloveburn.com/
Love Burn was created by (and is run by) Spankers Quantum Glen & Prosperity Angel.  It’s held on an island just off Miami.  It’s amazing.  
Myself and other Spankers will be there (but we’re not creating Spanky’s Wine Bar there).  However, Scooter sets up The Buffer Zone
there (this year it will be a full-on spa!)


SWB STAPH
Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC (head mutha fuckka in charge)
jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com
Major D (Doug) – Camp Engineer
dougl@fed-specs.com
eLeM (Lisa Marie) – Kool & Knowledgeable Chickadee
lunar.lemon@gmail.com
Red Queen (Amanda) – Burning Man Ticket Maven
ashcraaj@yahoo.com
Master Fucking Amazing (aka Liam) – Lead Builder
wmsmith1962@yahoo.com
Christopher Robbin – LNT Coordinator
crbooth@martianwind.com
Lady Raven (Rachel) & Nima – Bar Managers
rachel.hundley@gmail.com
nimashemirani@gmail.com
DocMoc (Mark) – Healthcare Specialist – Camp MD
srfmrt@gmail.com
Blackbird – RV Services Manager (with Amethyst)
mwharri01@gmail.com
Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things
lightupwire@gmail.com
Scooter – BufferZone Manager & SWB Marketing Director
samedaysignssouth@gmail.com

Art Cars:
Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D
Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole) – John M. (Sky)
The Magic Carpet – Twisted
The Paddler
The Monthly Newsletter for
Spanky’s Wine Bar
January 2019

In this issue……which should be read while listening to this interesting new version of “Only You” by Yazoo:  https://www.youtube.
com/watch?v=7Oa62sU4ONA

        HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM YOUR ADMIRAL
        SWB 2019 GAMEPLAN
        SIGN-UP TO CAMP AT SPANKY’S – WEBSITE OPEN
        BURNING MAN TICKET SALE (The DGS)
        WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS FOR 2019
        CAMP DUES & RV SERVICES
        LOVE BURN – MIAMI - JAN 24-27
        SWB STAPH





HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM YOUR ADMIRAL
As Burners/Spankers we get to celebrate the New Year twice… we’re greedy bastards ;)  

(For those who don’t get it… many of us consider “burn night” on the playa as New Years)
Happy (calendar) New Year Spankers!

I was very happy with our camp/village last year.  We did ourselves proud.  And I was actually able to get out of camp a few times… woot!  A
big thank you to everyone who worked hard and made Spanky’s fun and safe for everyone.  I’d like to thank all of you individually, but I’m a
bit drunk right now and I can’t remember any of your names… *hic*

We lightened the load a bit in 2018 (less attractions, less bells and whistles, no workshift schedule, less work, more fun, more free time).  
One of the main reasons for this was… 2018 was supposed to be my “year off” from running Spanky’s for 10 consecutive years.  But one
thing lead to another, and I was kinda forced to jump back in and run everything again (long story that I don’t wanna go into).  But doing a
smaller version of SWB was a compromise that worked for everyone.

2018 was a year of great loss for SWB, so I am putting a moratorium on dying this year… mkay?  I want to see all of your happy, smiling,
dusty faces on the playa this year dammit.  Take good care of yourselves (and each other) this year.

Now… onward to SWB 2019!!!
HugKissSpank,
Admiral Painjoy


SWB 2019 GAMEPLAN
SWB 2019 will be similar to last year, but with a bit more.  We’re bringing back the camp namebadges (Red Queen has volunteered to
handle the logistics, computer creation, and physical creation of the badges… but we need the artwork).  So, if any of you are artistically
inclined, please email me your artwork for our namebadge background at jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com

We are also bringing back most of the toys/structures this year.  We will have all our dancer stages, new seating, the Tunnel of Glove
(groping booth), new latex Vac-U-Bed, and all the kink toys!  All the camps from last year will be with us, plus the Playa Penthouse will be
back (possibly with flame effects… yay!).  We’ll have T-shirts again this year. And the nifty medallion/necklaces available too, yippee!  

We will probably have a new BASS this year, ideas/designs are being batted around right now.  And we will be buying a brand new sound
system (seeing as how will murdered all the speakers last year… oops).

And… I’ll be asking the Bman Placement Team to give us Esplanade this year!  I have a game-plan to make it work well.


SIGN-UP TO CAMP AT SPANKY’S – WEBSITE NOW OPEN
The SWB website is (mostly) updated for 2019.  Everyone MUST sign-up, even if you signed up to camp with us last year.  This is an every-
year thing.
Sign up here:  http://www.jimhillas.org/signup.html

Also, we are doing camp namebadges again this year.  So after signing up, email a pic for your namebadge to me at jimhillas_gc@yahoo.
com  It can be a pic of you (that’s what most of us do), or a pic of, well, anything really.  But send a pic right away please.


BURNING MAN TICKET SALE (The Directed Group Sale)
The DGS (Directed Group Sale) of Bman Tickets (aka Directed Tickets) will be happening soon.  I am compiling a list of Spankers who are
interested in being considered for these tickets.  

For those who don’t know, “Directed Tickets” are tickets to Burning Man that are allocated to theme camps (and villages), art cars, and art
projects… but not just any theme camps, etc.  They are only offered to those that have a great track-record at Bman (and a good moop
rating).  And these Directed Tix are reserved for key members of the camp/village.  Those people without whom, the camp wouldn’t be
able to be built/function.  As in past years, the Bman Org. has allocated a healthy amount of DGS tickets to Spanky’s… yay!

If you (and/or your partner, friend, wife, husband, mate, b/f, g/f, slave, master, mistress, etc.) want to be considered for Directed Tix to
Bman, let me know NOW!  Keep in mind the following;
READ ALL OF THIS!!!
1-        You must email me (if you haven’t already) to let me know that you want to be considered for a DGS ticket: jimhillas_gc@yahoo.
com   Please put “SWB DGS” in the subject line.
2-        You need to sign-up on the Spanky’s website to be considered for a Spanky’s DGS ticket www.spankyswinebar.com   Yes, even if
you’ve camped with us before.  Everyone signs up to camp with SWB every year.
3-        You must have an up-to-date “burner profile” on the Bman website.  I won’t be able to enter you into the DGS sale if you don’t do
this!  https://profiles.burningman.org
4-        You must also have an up-to-date account with “Ticketfly” (the Bman ticket vendor).  
http://www.ticketfly.com/
5-        All DGS ticket purchasers must also pay camp dues.  You don’t have to pay dues now… but if we don’t have enough DGS tix, I give
preference to those kick-ass Spankers who have already paid camp dues.  http://www.jimhillas.org/duesbudget.html
6-        Asking for a Directed Ticket doesn’t guarantee you will get one.  Directed Tickets are for members of Spanky’s who are committed
to working hard to make our village a success!  But if you DON’T ask me for one soon, you’ll surely miss the boat.
7-        If you aren’t going to camp at Spanky’s Village, you can’t buy a Spanky’s DGS ticket.
8-        You need to be able to pay for the Bman tickets (and car passes) at the time of the sale.
9-        Last year, tickets cost $425.00 (plus tax, fees, etc).  Car passes were $80.00 each.  I don’t know yet if the prices are going up this
year, but if they do, it shouldn’t be much more.  Make sure you have enough money available on your credit/debit card to make the
purchase!
10-        DGS tickets are offered in pairs.  If you are not purchasing two (one for you, and one for your mate), you will be partnered-up with
another Spanker.  We do this so that we can maximize the number of Directed Tix we get each year.
11-        When Spankers are “paired-up”, one of the pair will purchase the 2 tickets and 1 car pass (the purchaser), and the other (the
partner) will pay the purchaser for their ticket
12-        The “purchaser” can only buy 2 tix and 1 car pass.  This often causes a problem- not enough car passes.  Don’t worry.  We always
get our hands on enough car passes for everyone come summertime.  Every purchaser must buy a car pass (if you don’t need it, another
Spanker will buy it from you).  We need all the car passes we can get our hands on.
13-        If you buy a Directed Ticket through SWB, then decide later that you can’t go to Bman… your ticket MUST be sold to another
Spanker.  Directed Tix HAVE TO BE USED BY THE CAMP TO WHICH THEY WERE ALLOCATED!  Selling your Directed Ticket to somebody
outside of Spanky’s runs the SERIOUS risk of having ALL of Spanky’s Directed tix VOIDED by Bman!  No Shit.  For Realz.  Not even kidding.
14-        Each year, we have some dedicated Spankers with critical skills who are “cash poor” at this time of year (seasonal income, tax
season, etc), but always have money in April/May/June.  With that in mind, we are looking for Spankers who can purchase a spare DGS
ticket and hang on to it, until those (presently) cash-poor Spankers can buy the ticket from you.  Please email me if you’re in a position to
do this for us.
15-        If you’re selected for the Spanky’s DGS… I will be submitting your name to “Bman Ticketing” in early Feb.  Then Bman Tickketing
will contact you by email, a few days later, with the final info about the DGS.  Be sure to check the email inbox from the email address that
you used in your Bman “Burner Profile”!


WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS FOR 2019
Since there’s a lot of construction work to be done, there will be 3 pre-bman “work/party weekends” and 1 post-Bman work/party weekend.  
All will be at the Kinky Mountain Farm (Liam & Donna’s)   More info on the SWB website:  http://www.jimhillas.org/skunkworks.html

Dates below are tentative, but mark your calendars nonetheless;

Weekend #1 - June 28-30 (Fri-Sun)… followed by 4th of Juplaya a few days later
(The 4th of July is on a Thursday this year, so that will make for a very popular Juplaya!)
Weekend #2 - July 26-28 (Fri-Sun)
Weekend #3 – Aug 16-19 (Fri-Mon)…just prior to going to the playa for Early Build

Post Bman Work/Party – Sept 4-8 (Wed-Sun)



CAMP DUES
Camp dues are going up this year.  After three consecutive years of not making our budget, combined with the fact that we have to rebuild
lots of stuff, buy a new sound system/speakers, buy/build a new shade structure, rent two big moving trucks (instead of one, like last year),
build new showers, buy more PBR, etc… camp dues have to increase.  We’ve put it off for too long.

Camp dues are currently $250.00 and can be paid via PayPal on our website, or by check.  The price of camp dues increases in upcoming
months, so pay now if you want to save money.

More info on camp dues and budget can be found on the SWB website:  http://www.jimhillas.org/duesbudget.html

Plus, your odds of getting a DGS ticket to Bman increase dramatically if you pay your camp dues now.

If camp dues are TRULY a problem for you, and you are a dedicated Spanker, willing to take on a lot of extra work, we do have a program
to help out.  More info on the SWB Hardship Fund is also on the website.



LOVE BURN – MIAMI – JAN 24-27 (Thur-Sun)
Love Burn is the Miami Bman Regional event, created and hosted by your fellow Spankers, Quantum Glen & Prosperity Angel.  A
“Regional” is kinda like a mini-Bman set somewhere else in the world.  If you’re interested in going, let me know.

In my humble opinion, it’s the best “regional” out there!  The event is held on an island right between Key Biscayne and downtown Miami.  
If you’re on the island, facing the water, you feel like you’re in the Florida Keys… if you face the other way, boom, downtown Miami.  But it’s
also completely secluded.  We have a whole private section of the island to ourselves.  There are lots of theme camps, art, fun toys,
events, toilets/showers, beach, bars, art cars, and kick-ass music.  Check out the site map here:
https://theloveburn.com/directions/

Tickets are on sale now.  Airfares are pretty cheap right now.  The event is an inexpensive Uber/Lyft from the airport.  More info on the Love
Burn website:  https://theloveburn.com/

There will be quite a few Spankers there, and we will have The Buffer Zone at the event.  We’ll need some volunteers to run the Buffer
Zone, keep it clean/organized, and help disassemble it on Sunday.  Please let me know if you wanna camp with us Spankers at the Buffer
Zone.  jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com



MORE INFO COMING IN FUTURE NEWSLETTERS REGARDING SWB 2019, such as;
RV Services (Pump-outs, Potable water refills, RV Power), Camp Power, WAPs, Camp Events, Workshifts, Work/Party Weekends, 4th of
Juplaya, DJing, etc.



SWB STAPH
Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge
  jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com
Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner & Vibes
  dougl@fed-specs.com
Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of NameBadges
  ashcraaj@yahoo.com
eLeM (Lisa Marie) – Executive Director of All The Things
  lunar.lemon@gmail.com
Dano – Lead builder and guy with a hammer
  tahoesherpa@yahoo.com
Eve – Mistress of Morsels (kitchen services)
  eve.vargas@farmersinsurance.com
Winter – Ice Queen
  winter_woman17@yahoo.com
Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks
  john@luxdynamics.com
Lazer – Cool Lights, sharks with lasers attached to their heads, Electro Swing, Eros Tangier
  ryan@newrule.com
Christopher Robbin – LNT Coordinator
  crbooth@martianwind.com
Tripp & Gwyn & JoJo- Bar Managers
  tripp3857@comcast.net
  gwen@pacific.net
  johannes.pauw@gmail.com
Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses (MOD Squad)
  oliviarosexxx@yahoo.com
Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… freak… event planner
  djdirtydan@gmail.com
Magic Man – Camp Dentist (retired), Yogi, and Hauler of Big-Ass-Heavy-Gennies
DocMoc (Mark) – Healthcare Specialist – Camp MD and bad influence
  srfmrt@gmail.com
Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (they bathe often)
  mwharri01@gmail.com
  izcre8ive@yahoo.com
Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things
  lightupwire@gmail.com
Dr. Steve & Dr. Dave – Playa Penthouse Guys
   queenandco@live.com   &  dd_bay@yahoo.com

Art Cars:
Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D
Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole) – John M. (Sky)
The Magic Carpet – Twisted
The Paddler
The Monthly Newsletter for
Spanky’s Wine Bar
February 2019 – Ticket Edition

Special issue…
…which should be read while listening to this remix of The Pixies “Where is My Mind”:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xxsdw6zG1bg

LET ME BEGIN THIS NEWSLETTER BY SAYING THE SAME THING I HAVE SAID EVERY YEAR… Everyone in Spanky’s that wants a Bman
ticket, will get one… eventually.  Don’t panic!

THE ADMIRAL’S RANT
Your procrastination (and failure to read instructions)… hurts my wallet!
There are a few of you that do it right (Thank you soooo much!), but most Spankers procrastinate (or don’t follow instructions).  Here’s
how that affects me;

As most of you know, running Spanky’s takes-up over a thousand hours of my time each year.  In a perfect world, I could do all of the early-
in-the-year administrative work (Jan-May) in the evenings, after work and during the weekends.  But when Spankers wait to do things until
the last minute (sign-up, pay dues, email namebadge pics, etc), then my paperwork amasses right before a deadline (like the DGS ticket
sale).  When that happens, suddenly I have a metric-shit-ton of emailing, texting, phone calls, data entry, etc. that has to be done in a very
short amount of time.   That means I have to take days off from work to get it done!  Financial ouch!  Please don’t put things off til the last
minute!

My battery is running low and it is getting dark.
apj



LATER THIS WEEK, I WILL BE SENDING EMAILS TO THOSE WHO GOT SELECTED FOR THE DGS TICKET SALE
If you have been selected for the DGS, you will be getting an email from me later this week, with “Congratulations – DGS” in the subject
line.  The email will contain info and instructions for the ticket sale next week.  Be sure to read the whole email, and follow all instructions!

If you don’t get an email from me later this week, with “Congratulations – DGS” in the subject line, that means you didn’t get selected for
DGS.  But don’t fret.  You will get a Bman ticket.  You merely need to have some patience, and follow my instructions carefully over the next
few months.

Due to a silly formula that the Bman Placement Team uses, Spanky’s got a significant reduction in DGS ticket invites this year (50 less
than last year).  So I had to make some tough choices.  But your Admiral is on the case.  I have been in touch with the Placement Team
and I have been given some assurance that there will be a second DGS in late May.  I will prevail upon the Placement Team to help us
out during this sale.  

Some reasons you might not have been selected for the DGS;
1-        You didn’t sign-up
2-        You haven’t paid camp dues yet
3-        You have a person(s) coming with you (friend/family) that hasn’t signed up yet
4-        You’re a newbie and haven’t responded to my “vetting letter” yet
5-        Your past “track record” with helping out the camp isn’t stellar
6-        You’re weird… or not weird enough
7-        There just weren’t enough tix (most likely reason)

As I stated, everyone will eventually get a ticket.  Don’t Panic!  This happens every year.  In the meantime…make sure you’ve done all the
things necessary to join Spanky’s!  (see last month’s Paddler for more details - http://www.jimhillas.org/paddler.html - scroll down)  This
includes emailing pics for your camp namebadges.

Also… There are other Bman ticket sales coming up:

HERE IS THE BURNING MAN TICKET SCHEDULE (and pricing – all vehicle passes are $100.00)
Wed, Feb 13th – Low Income Ticket Applications open - $210.00 tix
                         (number of LITs has increased 18% this year)
Wed, Feb 27th – Directed Group Sale starts - $425.00 tix (for those invited)
Wed, Mar 13th – 15th  – FOMO Sale registration (formerly known as Pre-Sale) - $1400.00 tix
Wed, Mar 20th – FOMO Sale starts
Wed, Apr 3rd – 5th – Main Sale registration - $425.00 tix
Wed, Apr 10th – Main Sale starts at exactly noon Pacific-time
TBA – STEP opens (Secure Ticket Exchange Program)
June – Ticket fulfillment begins (Bman starts mailing tix to buyers)
TBA – STEP closes
Wed, Jul 24th – 26th – OMG Sale registration - $550.00 tix
Wed, Jul 31st – OMG Sale starts at exactly noon Pacific-time

WARNING – Don’t try to buy tix on StubHub, Craigslist, or other sites like that.  It’s a scam… always.


SWB STAPH:
Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge
    jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com
Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner & Vibes
    dougl@fed-specs.com
Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of NameBadges
    ashcraaj@yahoo.com
eLeM (Lisa Marie) – Executive Director of All The Things
    lunar.lemon@gmail.com
Dano – Lead builder and guy with a hammer
    tahoesherpa@yahoo.com
Eve – Mistress of Morsels (kitchen services)
    eve.vargas@farmersinsurance.com
Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks
    john@luxdynamics.com
Lazer – Cool Lights, sharks with lasers attached to their heads, Electro Swing, Eros Tangier
    ryan@newrule.com
Christopher Robbin – LNT Coordinator
    crbooth@martianwind.com
Tripp & Gwyn & JoJo- Bar Managers
    tripp3857@comcast.net
    gwen@pacific.net
    johannes.pauw@gmail.com
Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Hudsy & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses (MOD Squad)
    oliviarosexxx@yahoo.com
    brookewilkes@me.com
    daniellemaysmusic@gmail.com
Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… freak… event planner
    djdirtydan@gmail.com
Magic Man – Camp Dentist (retired), Yogi, and Hauler of Big-Ass-Heavy-Gennies
DocMoc (Mark) – Healthcare Specialist – Camp MD and bad influence
    srfmrt@gmail.com
Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (they bathe often)
    mwharri01@gmail.com
    izcre8ive@yahoo.com
Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things
    lightupwire@gmail.com
Dr. Steve & Dr. Dave – Playa Penthouse Guys and Stripper Pole
     queenandco@live.com   &  dd_bay@yahoo.com

Art Cars:
Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D
Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole) – John M. (Sky)
The Magic Carpet – Twisted
The Paddler
The Monthly Newsletter for
Spanky’s Wine Bar
March 2019

In this issue…
…which should be read while listening to this beautiful and slightly eerie electronic adaptation of Clair de Lune, by Vito Gatto:  https:
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=eI3kKp62HZ8

        The Admiral’s Rant – RVs vs. Tents
        Burning Man Tickets - The Main Sale
        RV Power and Other RV Services
        Camp Events
        SWB Staph


THE ADMIRAL’S RANT
RVs vs. TENTS
Many of you are planning on bringing RVs to Burning Man… too many, in my opinion.  I’ve been going to Bman for over 20 years.  I’ve
done Bman in tents and in RVs.  I prefer “tenting it”.  It’s WAY less expensive and WAY less work.  And if you’re creative and follow a few
simple rules, tents are nearly as comfy as RVs.  And “tenting it” is WAY more in line with the spirit of the event… and the soul of a true
Burner.

Personally, I’m a big fan of carport camping.  One of those 10’x20’ carports has been my playa-home for many years!  You get as much
room as a large RV.  When you secure them with rebar and ratchet straps, they don’t blow down.  You can hang fans from the ceiling for
a cool daytime breeze.  Hang cool lighting.  (power for lights and fans is included in your camp dues). You can put tables and chairs
inside…decorate it to your taste.  Create a kitchen inside.  Even pitch a small tent inside the carport.  Carports open-up easily to create
an inviting open-air space, or close up quickly for privacy and protection from wind/dust.  Plus, Spanky’s has showers that are much
roomier than an RV shower… and port-o-potties are always nearby.  And you save thousands of dollars!  Investing in a carport was one
of the best decisions I’ve ever made regarding Bman.  
Note: If you’re flying from somewhere in the US to get to Bman… most major cities in the country have “Bman Container Groups” that can
haul the stuff you can’t fly with, to/from the playa (for a fee).  Also, you always have the option of renting a storage unit in the “Reno-to-
Bman” area.  If a group of Spankers share the costs, it’s quite reasonable.

RVs are also a big hassle when it comes to camp infrastructure.  A whole separate power grid needs to be trucked out to the playa, built,
broken down, and hauled back to CA again…and additional generators need to be rented and hauled to/from the playa.  This is hella
expensive and hard, backbreaking work, done in the hot sun, by Spankers who aren’t getting paid anything to do it.  And every year, it’s
usually a financial loss to whomever is in charge of this RV power grid.  BTW… according to the SWB applications, there could be over
60 RVs in camp this year… that’s ridiculous!  When I started Spanky’s, in 2008, there were around 150 Spankers and only 6 RVs.

Also keep in mind… most of you will have the unpleasant task of cleaning the RV after the event.  And in some cases, DETAILING the RV,
to ensure that you get your massive deposits back.  So while the rest of us are having fun at Bman after-parties, or swimming in the
casino pool, or eating yummy sushi in Reno… you’ll be trying to get the dust out of all the cracks and crevasses of your damn RV.

I do understand that RVs are needed by some Spankers.  If you have kids, or you have special medical needs… or if you’re old and
decrepit ;)  But frankly, most of you like RVs because they allow you to sleep in the heat of the day, after doing way to much partying all
night long, into the wee hours.  And that’s kinda lame… and it fucks up your burn.

I find that if I party until 2am (hardly anything good ever happens after 2am, btw), then crash in my carport, I’ll wake up around 8-9am
feeling fine… and the heat of the day won’t have begun yet.  And I will not be losing a precious day at Bman to a hangover!  (Note to
Newbies: hangovers are twice a vicious at Bman with the altitude and dehydration).

Then I get to enjoy one of my favorite things at Bman… hanging out with my Spanker friends, hosting Morning Painjoy Radio for ya,
drinking coffee, telling stories, and getting to know my playa-family.  The daytime partying at SWB/Bman is just as good as the night-
time!  

RVs are just Anti-Social Hangover Cans (ASH-Cans).  Screw that.  Burning Man isn’t supposed to be easy.  Back in the day, if you met a
Burner in the outside world, you felt kinda like war-buddies.  You both not only survived the event, but thrived there… in tents, not RVs.  
Take it from a seasoned veteran… tenting-it is the way to go.  Painjoy is good.  Painjoy is wise ;)

That being said, it’s your choice.  And if you’re interested in renting an RV, you can contact Dano and/or Yo-Yo.  They are Spankers who
have a few spare RVs that they rent to fellow Spankers for the event.
Dano – tahoesherpa@yahoo.com     Yo-Yo – jim@jimplimpton.com


BURNING MAN TICKETS – THE MAIN SALE
ATTN ALL SPANKERS…
We only had a limited number of tickets to offer in the February DGS, so most Spankers weren’t included in that Ticket Sale.  Let’s all do
what we can to help those Spankers out in the Main Sale.  If you are a Spanker who was not a “ticket buyer” in the DGS, you can register
for the Main Sale and help to procure tickets for Spankers-in-need.  In other words, if you were a “ticket partner”, you can buy tix in the
Main Sale (if you were a “ticket buyer” in the DGS, you can’t buy any more tickets).  

We have tons of Spankers ready to buy them from you if you are successful.   If we all work together, we all get to go to Bman… yay!   
NOTE: You can also have your friends/family register and buy tickets…and please do…this has been very helpful in recent years.  Let’s
get tix for all the Spankers who want/need them!

ATTN SPANKERS WHO STILL NEED TICKETS AND VEHICLE PASSES…
“If you fail to prepare, then prepare to fail” (read all the info… click all the links… do all the things)

Registration for the Main Sale (for Bman Tickets) is coming up quickly.  You must register in advance to be in the Main Sale.
You register through your Burner Profile.  If you don’t have one, create one now.  If you already have one, make sure it’s up to date:  https:
//profiles.burningman.org/

Registration is April 3rd – April 5th (Wed-Fri).  
Then the Main Sale occurs on April 10th (the following Wednesday) at NOON SHARP (pacific time).  
The Main Sale is FIRST-COME-FIRST-SERVED, so it’s crucial that you be at your computer, logged-in and ready, before noon!

Here is a link to all the other info you need to know, and all the things you need to do:
https://tickets.burningman.org/
Contact me immediately if you have any questions.

I believe there is still time to register for Low-Income Tickets, if you think you’ll qualify.  More info here: https://tickets.burningman.
org/2019-low-income-ticket-program/

After the Main Sale, we will go onward to the next steps to get all Spankers tickets.  Everyone who wants a ticket, will be able to buy one.  
As previously stated, there *might* be a 2nd DGS in late May (I’ll keep you all posted)… but for now, let’s all focus on The Main Sale.

HERE IS THE BURNING MAN TICKET SCHEDULE for the spring/summer (and ticket pricing – all vehicle passes are $100.00)
Wed, Apr 3rd – 5th – Main Sale registration - $425.00 tix
Wed, Apr 10th – Main Sale starts at exactly noon Pacific-time
TBA – STEP opens (Secure Ticket Exchange Program)
May/June – 2nd DGS???
June – Ticket fulfillment begins (Bman starts mailing tix to buyers)
TBA – STEP closes
Wed, Jul 24th – 26th – OMG Sale registration - $550.00 tix
Wed, Jul 31st – OMG Sale starts at exactly noon Pacific-time

WARNING – Don’t try to buy tix on StubHub, Craigslist, or other sites like that.  It’s a scam… always.






RV POWER AND OTHER RV SERVICES
The following services are available for purchase for RVers;
1-        Grey/Black water pump-outs
2-        Potable water refills
3-        Dedicated power

These are services that are not part of your camp dues.  They also must be paid for in advance.
Blackbird & Amethyst (Mark & Rod) are they guys in charge of coordinating these services with the vendors, and collecting the fees.  You
can contact them at mwharri01@gmail.com to request services and make payments.

The price schedule for 2019 is as follows:
Pump-outs cost $125.00 each
Potable water refills are $2.00/gallon (you’ll need to know approximately how much you’ll need)
Dedicated power is $600.00 for 30amps or $900.00 for 50amps (very limited supply of 50amp)
NOTE: In past years, we were grossly under-charging for dedicated power, and consistently lost money.  This year’s pricing is finally cost-
accurate.

NOTE:  The people/vendors who provide these RV services are doing a VERY hard job under the most adverse conditions.  They are
honest hand hard-working.  They do their very best to fulfill all your needs.  But please understand that it’s Bman… it’s the desert… there
are always unforeseen variables… and sometimes things break-down unexpectedly.  Please consider this before you have a massive
conniption when something doesn’t happen exactly as planned.  Nothing is a guarantee at Burning Man.


CAMP EVENTS
Now is the time to start planning what will happen during the days and nights at the infamous Spanky’s Wine Bar.  This is your camp
kiddos.  You are welcomed to create/host an event in our bar if ya wanna!  Yes, I’m talking to you.

As of now, the only events we have on the schedule are:
Daily 10am-Noon-ish - Morning Painjoy Radio (APJ DJs, hosts games, cracks wise, and makes everyone laugh til they pee)
Daily Noon-2pm-ish – Spank U (classes on consent/kink/bondage/etc.)
Monday night – The Festival of Bubastis (Our kinky Fem-dom party)
Wednesday night – The Electro-Swing party (Music and lights by Lazer)
Thurday night – Spank dat Bootie (Mashup party with DJ Adrian & Co.)

That means we’ve got lots and lots of time-slots available for themed parties, games, classes, performances, you-name-it!  If you have
an idea for an event, please contact Admiral Painjoy to discuss it.  Events are the heart and soul of the camp!  Jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com   
If your event is good enough, it might just get listed in the Bman “What/Where/When Guide”!

If you’d like to do a DJ set at SWB, contact our lead DJ – Dirty Dan at djdirtydan@gmail.com  You don’t need to be a pro-DJ to do a set at
SWB.  If you merely have a device with a playlist, we can probably accommodate you.


SWB STAPH:
Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge
     jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com
Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner & Vibes
     dougl@fed-specs.com
Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of NameBadges
     ashcraaj@yahoo.com
eLeM (Lisa Marie) – Executive Director of All The Things
     lunar.lemon@gmail.com
Dano – Lead builder and guy with a hammer
     tahoesherpa@yahoo.com
Eve – Mistress of Morsels (kitchen services)
     eve.vargas@farmersinsurance.com
Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks
     john@luxdynamics.com
Lazer – Cool Lights, sharks with lasers attached to their heads, Electro Swing, Eros Tangier
     ryan@newrule.com
Christopher Robbin – LNT Coordinator
     crbooth@martianwind.com
Tripp & Gwyn & JoJo- Bar Managers
     tripp3857@comcast.net
     gwen@pacific.net
     johannes.pauw@gmail.com
Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Hudsy & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses (MOD Squad)
     oliviarosexxx@yahoo.com
     brookewilkes@me.com
     daniellemaysmusic@gmail.com
Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… freak… event planner
     djdirtydan@gmail.com
Magic Man – Camp Dentist (retired), Yogi, and Hauler of Big-Ass-Heavy-Gennies
DocMoc (Mark) – Healthcare Specialist – Camp MD and bad influence
     srfmrt@gmail.com
Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (they bathe often)
     mwharri01@gmail.com
     izcre8ive@yahoo.com
Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things
     lightupwire@gmail.com
Dr. Steve & Dr. Dave – Playa Penthouse Guys and Stripper Pole
      queenandco@live.com   &  dd_bay@yahoo.com

Art Cars:
Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D
Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole) – John M. (Sky)
The Magic Carpet – Twisted
The Paddler
The Monthly Newsletter for
Spanky’s Wine Bar
April - 2019

In this issue…
…which should be read while listening to: Middle Fingers by Missio - in honor of the Bman Org’s new ticketing agent ;)  https://www.
youtube.com/watch?v=jpSWj0qrVoE

        The Admiral’s Rant
        Burning Man Tickets – The Next Steps
        Final Call for Artwork!
        Work/Party Weekends
        RV Power and Other RV Services
        4th of Juplaya
        SWB Staph


THE ADMIRAL’S RANT
Nothing to rant about this month.
<This page intentionally left blank>


BURNING MAN TICKETS – THE NEXT STEPS
Sooo… how bout that Main Sale, huh?  So much fun!  <Sigh>

Many of you are frantic because you weren’t able to buy tickets in the Main Sale.  Stop.  In the words of Douglas Adams… “Don’t Panic”.  I’
ll say it again- everyone who really wants a Bman ticket, will get one!  You just need to be patient, diligent, and follow my instructions.  
There are still many ways in which you can get tix;
1-        STEP (The official Bman “Secure Ticket Exchange Program”)
2-        Ticket Hunting
3-        Possible 2nd DGS in May
4-        Bailing Spankers
5-        The OMG Sale
6-        Become a Bman Volunteer
7-        APJ – the miracle worker

STEP
A few years ago, in order to mitigate scalping and fraudulent ticket sales, Bman created a place to safely sell unwanted Bman
tickets/passes at face-value.  It’s called STEP, and it works!  STEP registration will be starting very soon.  It’s important to sign up for
STEP as soon as it opens!!!  The dates for STEP have not been announced yet.  More info coming soon.

TICKET HUNTING
Join all the social media groups and constantly announce that you want to buy tickets to Bman.  Join groups for Bman tickets, theme
camps, art projects, etc.  There are lots of these groups on Facebook.  Keep your eyes and ears open.  Check the sites often.

POSSIBLE 2ND DGS in MAY
No promises, but the Bman Placement Team might be able to offer SWB some more tickets in May, if they have a 2nd DGS ticket sale
(there are usually some tickets left over from the February DGS).  Placement helped us out a few years ago in this way.  I’ve been
emailing Placement for the past couple months regarding this… keep your fingers crossed.  I’ll let you all know the minute I hear
something.

BAILING SPANKERS
Every year, some Spankers get smacked down by life, and need to cancel their Bman/SWB plans.  This usually starts happening in
June.  When this happens, those tickets become available for purchase by other Spankers-in-need.

THE OMG SALE
In late July, there will be one more official sale of Bman tickets.  Bman calls this the OMG sale.  Like all the other public sales, you must
register.  And it’s another first-come-first-served sale, so you need to be ready, at your computer, the moment the sale starts.  Hopefully
the Bman ticket agent won’t have a melt-down again, like in the Main Sale… sheez.

BECOME A BMAN VOLUNTEER
Most volunteer positions don’t provide free tickets… but some of them do.  If there’s an area of expertise you have, or you’re willing to
learn, maybe this could be your way in!  We have a few Spankers who volunteer with the BRC Rangers, the Med Tent, Will Call, etc.  More
info about volunteering here: https://burningman.org/event/volunteering/

APJ… THE MIRACLE WORKER
And finally, there’s me.  I have a knack for finding after-market tickets.  I’ve been doing this for a long time, and I’m well connected.  
Sometimes I can make miracles happen for Spankers-in-need.  But I usually save these miracles for those who have exhausted all the
other avenues.

Also, have patience.  The market gets flooded with Bman tix in July and August every year.  That’s when a lot of people realize that they
can’t actually afford to go, put their ticket up for sale… and voila… you’ve got yourself a ticket!

WARNING:  DON’T BUY TIX ON CRAIGSLIST, STUBHUB, OR ANYWHERE OTHER THAN A TRUSTED SOURCE!  THEY ARE ALL
SCAMS!  
Every year, some Spankera do this…and every year, they get burned. (and invariably, I would have found tix for them a week or two later…
irony!)  
Only buy tix through STEP, or Spanky’s, or a trusted friend, or somebody for whom a trusted friend is vouching.


FINAL CALL FOR ARTWORK!
Where all my artsy-fartsy peeps at?
We need artwork for our 2019 T-shirts and our SWB Namebadges.
Email me your submissions by the end of April please.
Jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com


WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS
Work/Party weekends are the lifeblood of Spanky’s.  They are held at Liam & Donna’s “Kinky Mountain Farm” in Garden Valley, CA… aka
The Skunkworks.  This is when/where we do all of our carpentry, painting, electrical/plumbing work, sound system and lighting stuff,
repairs, artwork, cleaning, paperwork, etc.  There’s shady spots to work, a lake for swimming, space for RVs and tents, enough privacy
for nudity, a full outdoor kitchen, a babbling brook, and great friends!   
For more info on our work parties, go here:  http://www.jimhillas.org/skunkworks.html

Spanky’s first work/party weekend of 2019 is coming up in June.  Friday, June 28th – Sunday, June 30th… to be exact.  We might even
extend it to Mon/Tues, if there’s interest.  I’ll be doing a head-count next month, but mark your calendars now.

The other upcoming work/party weekends are;
July 26-28
Aug 16-19
Sept 5-8 (after Bman)


RV POWER AND OTHER RV SERVICES
The following services are available for purchase for RVers;
1-        Grey/Black water pump-outs
2-        Potable water refills
3-        Dedicated power

These are services that are not part of your camp dues.  They also must be paid for in advance.
Blackbird & Amethyst (Mark & Rod) are they guys in charge of coordinating these services with the vendors, and collecting the fees.  You
can contact them at mwharri01@gmail.com to request services and make payments.

The price schedule for 2019 is as follows:
Pump-outs cost $125.00 each
Potable water refills are $2.00/gallon (you’ll need to know approximately how much you’ll need)
Dedicated power is $600.00 for 30amps or $900.00 for 50amps (very limited supply of 50amp)
NOTE: In past years, we were grossly under-charging for dedicated power, and consistently lost money.  This year’s pricing is finally cost-
accurate.

NOTE:  The people/vendors who provide these RV services are doing a VERY hard job under the most adverse conditions.  They are
honest hand hard-working.  They do their very best to fulfill all your needs.  But please understand that it’s Bman… it’s the desert… there
are always unforeseen variables… and sometimes things break-down unexpectedly.  Please consider this before you have a massive
conniption when something doesn’t happen exactly as planned.  Nothing is a guarantee at Burning Man.


4TH OF JUPLAYA
If you’ve never been to the playa when it isn’t Bman, this “non-event” is a real treat.  In my opinion, it’s just a good as Bman.  The vast,
stark, and romantic vastness of the Black Rock Desert is much more vivid and breathtaking when you’re not in the confines of the Bman
trash fence, surrounded by flashy theme camps, loud music, and huge structures.  

“4th of Juplaya” is kinda like the way Bman used to be, in ye olden days.  You can drive fast (But be careful!  It’s easy to roll your vehicle at
high speed).  You can go skinny-dipping at the hot springs.  You can come and go as you please (breakfast at Bruno’s, etc).  There are
some small theme camps and art cars.  Very few cops.  Lots of random parties.  Vast open space.  Cool burners.  

You can explore the outer reaches of the playa, the whole Black Rock Desert, High Rock Canyon, the emigrant trails, Soldier Meadows,
etc  There’s (sometimes) a fireworks show put on by the town of Gerlach.  Those attending Juplaya tend to camp in small groups…
scattered ALL OVER the vast playa.  This makes for interesting party-hopping at night ;)

We will be setting up a very small version of Spanky’s there.  We all just pitch in a bit for the wine/beer for our bar, generator fuel, etc.  
($50-ish per person)

Plus… the 4th falls on a Thursday this year!  That means there should be a big turn-out.  And rumor has it, Adrien & Co will be out there
with us doing “Spank dat Bootie”!

We will probably head up to the playa on Wednesday morning, July 3rd… and depart early on Sunday, July 7th.  But you can show up any
time.  Playa location will be announced in early June.  I’ll take a head-count then.




SWB STAPH:
Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge (and RGOS – Random Guy on Site)
      jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com
Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons &
Cartographer & Civic Planner & Vibes
      dougl@fed-specs.com
Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and Radio Personality)
      ashcraaj@yahoo.com
eLeM (Lisa Marie) – Executive Director of All The Things (and resident sexpot)
      lunar.lemon@gmail.com
Dano – Lead builder (and guy with a hammer)
      tahoesherpa@yahoo.com
Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet)
      eve.vargas@farmersinsurance.com
Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and 33rd degree member of the
      Illuminaughty of Skull of World Order)
      john@luxdynamics.com
Lazer – Cool Lights, Electro Swing, Eros Tangier (and herder of sharks with lazer beams on their
heads)
      ryan@newrule.com
Christopher Robbin – LNT Coordinator (and fucker of strangers in the ass)
      crbooth@martianwind.com
Tripp & Gwyn & JoJo- Bar Managers (and freaky nudists)
      tripp3857@comcast.net
      gwen@pacific.net
      johannes.pauw@gmail.com
Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Hudsy & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses - MOD Squad (and all around
      perverts)
      oliviarosexxx@yahoo.com
      brookewilkes@me.com
      daniellemaysmusic@gmail.com
Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and fucker-over of APJ)
      djdirtydan@gmail.com
Magic Man – Camp Dentist (retired), Yogi, and Hauler of Big-Ass-Heavy-Gennies (don’t feed
him after dark, or get him wet)
DocMoc (Mark) – Healthcare Specialist – Camp MD (and bad influence)
      srfmrt@gmail.com
Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (they bathe often)
      mwharri01@gmail.com
      izcre8ive@yahoo.com
Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (loves to burn)
      lightupwire@gmail.com
Dr. Steve & Dr. Dave – Playa Penthouse Guys and Stripper Pole (fans of Nabokov novels)
       queenandco@live.com   &  dd_bay@yahoo.com

Art Cars:
Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D
Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole) – John M. (Sky)
The Magic Carpet – Twisted
The Paddler
The Monthly Newsletter for
Spanky’s Wine Bar
“The first step to recovery… is acquiring a problem”
June- 2019

In this issue…
…which should be read while listening to: Summer Heart’s “I wanna go”:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnmLUSdooKk

        The Admiral’s Rant
        Burning Man Tickets – Update
        RV Mating & Rideshares to Bman
        SWB Sterling Silver Plated Medallions
        Work/Party Weekends
        SWB Events and DJ Slots
        RV Rental
        RV Power and Other RV Services
        4th of Juplaya - Headcount
        SWB Staph


THE ADMIRAL’S RANT
Reminder- if you’ve already purchased your Bman ticket and you still haven’t paid your camp dues… I’m gonna slap you upside the head
with a mackerel.  And everyone that signed up should have already emailed a pic for their camp namebadge… but most of you haven’t!  
Get on this stuff Spankers!!!


BURNING MAN TICKETS – UPDATE
The Bman Org has postponed the announcement to Theme Camp leaders regarding a 2nd DGS until as late as early July.  Until then, I
(we) don’t know if there will be a 2nd DGS, how many tix will be available, or how many (if any) might be allocated to Spanky’s.  I’m sorry I
don’t have any more info for you.  I’ve been doing everything imaginable to advocate for Spanky’s.  So… we wait.  As it stands right now,
we have the smallest SWB we’ve ever had.  Fingers crossed that we get more tix.  I can tell you that SWB is in good standing with
Placement and Playa Resto, so I am optimistically hopeful.

If you read the most recent Bman newsletter (Jack Rabbit Speaks), you will see an item from the Placement Team which explains a bit
about how we got to this situation (not enough tix for placed theme camps).  Changes are afoot for upcoming years (long overdue
changes, in my humble opinion).  https://journal.burningman.org/2019/05/black-rock-city/building-brc/a-turning-point-for-placement/

If you’re still in need of tickets, I trust you followed my instructions and joined STEP when it opened.  If not… do it now!

WARNING:  DON’T BUY TIX ON CRAIGSLIST, STUBHUB, OR ANYWHERE OTHER THAN A TRUSTED SOURCE!  THEY ARE ALL SCAMS!  
Every year, some Spankers do this…and every year, they get burned. (and invariably, I would have found tix for them a week or two later…
irony!)  
Only buy tix through STEP, or Spanky’s, or a trusted friend, or somebody for whom a trusted friend is vouching.



RV MATING & RIDESHARES
For years, our dedicated, handsome, and cupidious friend/campmate, Amethyst has been helping to unite those in need of transportation
and lodging.  Below is the info he’s provided to help you all realize those dreams. (And yes, I made up the word “cupidious”)…

Hi Spankers! Amethyst here once again to help fulfill your RV Mating and Rideshare dreams. This works great with your help.

Read on for details if you are hoping to join an RV or get a Rideshare to or from the Playa or Rideshare to or from Reno from wherever or
want RV mates or will provide Rideshare to or from the Playa or to and from Reno.

Email me @ izcre8ive@yahoo.com to help.
.........................)'(..........................

“What is RV mating? Well, when two RVs fall in love...
Quite a thing to see. But seriously, if you have spot(s) open for an RV mate, or would like to join an RV crew, or are willing to have a fellow
Spanker(s) road trip with you or would like to get picked up for a road trip to the Playa or return to the default world, email Rod (Amethyst)
at izcre8ive@yahoo.com. I will coordinate connecting hosts with mates and riders with drivers.

Want an RV Mate?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) where you are originating from, 3) your dates of Playa arrival and exodus, 4) how many RV
mate spot(s) you have, 5) picture(s) of your ship on wheels.  No other details are needed about your amazing RV accommodations or
admission rituals and costs, you will provide the list of luxuries, oddities and costs directly to your potential RV mate(s).

Want to offer a Rideshare?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) how many Rideshare spot(s) you have and amount of cargo you can accommodate 3) where
you are originating from 4) picture of your vehicle and 5) the dates you are starting your trek to and from the Playa and/or Reno. No other
details about your sweet ride, safe word or fares, you can brag it up with your possible captive who will need to endure your taste in music.

Want to be an RV Mate?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) dates you are planning to arrive on the Playa and return to the default world 3) minimal
accommodation requirements and 4) casting couch picture. If you also need a Rideshare, include the Rideshare information below in
same email.

Want to get a Rideshare?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) where you are originating from and/or heading to after exodus, 3) how much gear you will have
4) date(s) you are able to get picked up and/or ejected to the default world, and 4) picture of you on a car.

After I help you connect, I leave your threesome or more and you do your seductive negotiating and arrange any exchange of payment.
All mating arrangements and Rideshare agreements are settled between hosts and mates, drivers and riders.
Check Spanky's Facebook for status on supply and demand for these services and other updates.”

Rod (Amethyst)
izcre8ive@yahoo.com



SWB STERLING SILVER-PLATED MEDALLIONS (necklaces)
Medallions are back for 2019!!!  (As part of the easy-year in 2018, we skipped the medallions)  This year, our beautiful medallions will
plated in real sterling silver!  Too cool for school baby!

These medallions haven’t been made yet, but you can view the gold-plated 10th anniversary medallions on the SWB website (Schwag
page) to see the design.  Trust me when I say… these are among the most coveted and sought-after pieces of Bman/Spanky’s
memorabilia on the playa.

SWB medallions are made by our friend (and former Spanker) Jonathan West (aka Dr. Entomo).  They are just frikkin beautiful.  And they
come already attached to a lanyard/necklace.

We will have a limited supply, so don’t miss the boat.  They’re gonna sell-out fast.  Go to the SWB website and buy yours now!  http://www.
jimhillas.org/schwag.html

I can’t tell you how many times Spankers (on the playa) ask me if there are any necklaces left to purchase.  And I have to tell them that they
are all gone.  And then they cry… like little babies, they cry.  And I have to hug them, and stroke their hair, and tell them that they are pretty…
I don’t have time for this.  Don’t let this happen to you.  They cost $25.00 each.  They are beautiful.  They cure most diseases.  They can be
used to locate true north, or water, or lawyers, or fashionable parties.  And they are guaranteed to get you laid (just ask anyone who has
one).  Quite an amazing deal, huh!?  


WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS
UPCOMING!... Last weekend of June! (6/28 – 6/30)
I NEED A HEADCOUNT PLEASE.  EMAIL ME RIGHT NOW TO LET ME KNOW YOU’RE COMING: jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com

Work/Party weekends are the lifeblood of Spanky’s.  They are held at Liam & Donna’s “Kinky Mountain Farm” in Garden Valley, CA… aka
The Skunkworks.  This is when/where we do all of our carpentry, painting, electrical/plumbing work, sound system and lighting stuff,
repairs, artwork, cleaning, paperwork, etc.  

There’s shady spots to work, a lake for swimming, space for RVs and tents, enough privacy for nudity, a full outdoor kitchen, a babbling
brook, and great friends!   
For more info on our work parties, go here:  http://www.jimhillas.org/skunkworks.html

Spanky’s first work/party weekend of 2019 is coming up in June.  Friday, June 28th – Sunday, June 30th… to be exact.  We might even
extend it to Mon/Tues, if there’s interest.

The other upcoming work/party weekends are;
July 26-28
Aug 16-19
Sept 5-8 (after Bman)


SWB EVENTS AND DJ SLOTS
Are you an aspiring DJ?  Or do you merely have a playlist on your iPod that you’d like to share with us?  Maybe a recorded, favorite stand-
up comedy bit?  Or 30 minutes of Japanese Polka music?  Or maybe you want to play some music live… on your guitar, harmonica, cello,
or didgeridoo (just kidding, if you bring a didgeridoo I’m gonna beat you with it).  Get in touch with our Lead DJ and Entertainment
Coordinator; DJ Dirty Dan – djdirtydan@gmail.com   He’ll answer your questions and try to find a time-slot for ya!

Or maybe you have an idea for a fun event in the bar area?  A weird underwear contest, Best Butt on the Playa contest, playa’s biggest
game of Truth or Dare, or a themed party?  Well… that’s what SWB is for!  This is YOUR camp!  Contact me with your ideas and we’ll see
if we can make it happen.  Do it now, especially if you want your event listed in the Bman WhatWhereWhen guide.  Jimhillas_gc@yahoo.
com


RV RENTAL
Our campmate “YoYo” has one RV left for rental if anyone is interested.  Contact jim@jimplimpton.com for a price quote
“29 foot 5th wheel trailer with 16 foot slide out. Memory foam queen bed, Sofa Bed, Dinette that makes into a bed and three bunks in the
back. Complete blackout drapes. Stereo. LED Lights. All linens, towels, cookware, spices, soaps, etc. Beach Cruiser bikes included. All
water for the RV is free.”

RV POWER AND OTHER RV SERVICES
The following services are available for purchase for RVers;
CUT-OFF DATE FOR PAYMENT IS JULY 8TH!!!
1-        Grey/Black water pump-outs
2-        Potable water refills
3-        Dedicated power

These are services that are not part of your camp dues.  They also must be paid for in advance.
Blackbird & Amethyst (Mark & Rod) are they guys in charge of coordinating these services with the vendors, and collecting the fees.  You
can contact them at mwharri01@gmail.com to request services and make payments.

The price schedule for 2019 is as follows:
Pump-outs cost $150.00 each
Potable water refills are $2.00/gallon (you’ll need to know approximately how much you’ll need)
Dedicated power is $600.00 for 30amps or $900.00 for 50amps (very limited supply of 50amp)
NOTE: In past years, we were grossly under-charging for dedicated power, and consistently lost money.  This year’s pricing is finally cost-
accurate.

NOTE:  The people/vendors who provide these RV services are doing a VERY hard job under the most adverse conditions.  They are
honest hand hard-working.  They do their very best to fulfill all your needs.  But please understand that it’s Bman… it’s the desert… there
are always unforeseen variables… and sometimes things break-down unexpectedly.  Please consider this before you have a massive
conniption when something doesn’t happen exactly as planned.  Nothing is a guarantee at Burning Man.


4TH OF JUPLAYA
I need a headcount!  Email me if you’re coming:  jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com

If you’ve never been to the playa when it isn’t Bman, this “non-event” is a real treat.  In my opinion, it’s just a good as Bman.  The vast,
stark, and romantic vastness of the Black Rock Desert is much more vivid and breathtaking when you’re not in the confines of the Bman
trash fence, surrounded by flashy theme camps, loud music, and huge structures.  

“4th of Juplaya” is kinda like the way Bman used to be, in ye olden days.  You can drive fast (But be careful!  It’s easy to roll your vehicle at
high speed).  You can go skinny-dipping at the hot springs.  You can come and go as you please (breakfast at Bruno’s, etc).  There are
some small theme camps and art cars.  Very few cops.  Lots of random parties.  Vast open space.  Cool burners.  

You can explore the outer reaches of the playa, the whole Black Rock Desert, High Rock Canyon, the emigrant trails, Soldier Meadows,
etc  There’s (sometimes) a fireworks show put on by the town of Gerlach.  Those attending Juplaya tend to camp in small groups…
scattered ALL OVER the vast playa.  This makes for interesting party-hopping at night ;)

We will be setting up a very small version of Spanky’s there.  We all just pitch in a bit for the wine/beer for our bar, generator fuel, etc.  ($50-
ish per person)

Plus… the 4th falls on a Thursday this year!  That means there should be a big turn-out.  And rumor has it, Adrien & Co will be out there
with us doing “Spank dat Bootie”!

We will probably head up to the playa on Wednesday morning, July 3rd… and depart early on Sunday, July 7th.  But you can show up any
time.  Playa location will be announced in early June.  I’ll take a head-count then.




SWB STAPH:
Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge (and RGOS – Random Guy on Site)
       jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com
Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons &
Cartographer & Civic Planner & Vibes
       dougl@fed-specs.com
Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance
moves)
       ashcraaj@yahoo.com
eLeM (Lisa Marie) – Executive Director of All The Things
       lunar.lemon@gmail.com
Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)
       tahoesherpa@yahoo.com
Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet)
       eve.vargas@farmersinsurance.com
Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)
       john@luxdynamics.com
Lazer – Cool Lights, Electro Swing, Eros Tangier (and copies APJ’s facial hair)
       ryan@newrule.com
Christopher Robbin – LNT Coordinator (ya see what happens!!!)
       crbooth@martianwind.com
Tripp & Gwyn & JoJo- Bar Managers (and purveyors of dice games)
       tripp3857@comcast.net
       gwen@pacific.net
       johannes.pauw@gmail.com
Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Hudsy & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses - MOD Squad (and lovable
Freaks!)
       oliviarosexxx@yahoo.com
       brookewilkes@me.com
       daniellemaysmusic@gmail.com
Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and rectocranially inverted legend)
       djdirtydan@gmail.com
Magic Man – Camp Dentist (retired), Yogi, and Hauler of Big-Ass-Heavy-Gennie  (and yogi-
bear)
DocMoc (Mark) – Healthcare Specialist – Camp MD (and brilliant conversationalist after 2am)
       srfmrt@gmail.com
Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)
       mwharri01@gmail.com
       izcre8ive@yahoo.com
Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)
       lightupwire@gmail.com
Dr. Steve & Dr. Dave – Playa Penthouse Guys and Stripper Pole (fans of Nabokov novels)
        queenandco@live.com   &  dd_bay@yahoo.com

Art Cars:
Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D
Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole) – John M. (Sky)
The Magic Carpet – Twisted