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APRIL/MAY 2009
“The Paddler”
The monthly newsletter for Spanky’s Village
(That’s right… we said “Village” bitch!)
Welcome to the first issue for 2009…
Welcome to the Evolution!!!
~Admiral Painjoy~
You are receiving this email because:
#1 - You were camped with us in Spanky’s last year and
we want you back… or…
#2 - We are trying to lure you into our nefarious web… or…
#C - You are a friend of Spanky’s and you want to stay
abreast of whatz going on (hehe… he said breast)… or…
#four – You are a member of one of our new camps… or…
#V – The recent outbreak of sunspots has caused this
email to travel down the wrong tube… in the network
of interweb tubes
APRIL 2009
Only 138 days til Burning Man
(or 3312 hours or 198,720 minutes or 11.9 million shakes of
a lambs tail… give or take)
In this month’s infomercial:
> Village People
> Medallions for your camp
> Website
> Sign-Ups
> Who’s Signed Up so Far
> Dues
> Workshifts
> The Skunkworks
> Spanky’s wish list
VILLAGE PEOPLE
That’s right, we’re a village, people!
Last year, we were Spanky’s Wine Bar (with three sub-camps;
the burning band, villains & virgins, and DB’s massage/hairwash)
This year we will have those camps, plus…
>The PVM (Positive Vibe Movement)
> Camp Mystic (The were our neighbors last year)
> Hookah Homestead
(maybe more?)
Most of the members of these new camps are based in Florida
(but they all know how to properly work a butterfly ballot)
The PVM crew has a new art/party bus (called the NautiBus)
and there are many awesome fire performers and DJs in the
PVM/Mystic crew. They will be hosting a party on Thursday
night in the Village called “The Evolution of Breaks”. PVM
also will be bringing a big Moroccan tent to the village which
will be home to many pampering delights.
The Hookah Homestead is bringing a tent to the village
wherein there will be hookahs, tobaccos and a nice, chill
atmosphere for the wee hours of the morning. We love the
ambient sunrise sets!
Each of these camps (along with the others) will soon be posting
a more detailed description and history, which will be posted on
the Village website.
Spanky’s is very happy to welcome our new friends into the fold.
MEDALLIONS FOR YOUR CAMP
Our friend Jonathan West (aka Dr. Entomo) is a former member
of Firefly Village and the conGLOMerate Village. Veteran
burners may remember his “dragonfly shower” in the Glom. Well,
it turns out that Jonathan recently started a new business in which
he creates (among other things) medallions. The sort that can be
hung on necklaces (or more apropos to our village, slave collars).
He works with brass, copper and aluminum. He can create different
shapes (not just circles). He can finish in different patinas. They can
be one sided or two sided. Designs can be engraved or raised. And
they are very nice looking (I have a sample in front of me right now
that looks like an antique coin… silver dollar size).
They are near mint quality but with a certain look that can
only be described as “fine burner jewelry”. The prices for the medallions
range from $8-$10 each based on the options selected from above.
Attached to this email are some samples of the sort of things he can do.
Here’s what we should do. First off, let’s design a medallion for Spanky’s
Village. Second, lets design medallions for the other camps too! Then
whomever wants some, can order them thru the Spanky’s website.
Keep in mind that we cannot wait until the last minute to finalize designs
and orders and expect that Jonathan can fill the orders overnight.
We need to create and summit our design ideas as soon as possible
to ensure that Jonathan has ample time to complete them all.
We need to keep our design to detail at a level similar to that of those
depicted in the attachments. Jonathan is happy to provide a 3-d
rendering of design ideas for approval.
I will also look into different slave collars, necklaces, etc that we could
hang our medallions from and I will post that info in the next Paddler.
Once we have all that info, we can place orders. This medallion/collar
stuff is voluntary and is not part of the village dues. I will volunteer to
organize the orders for everyone.
Send all your design ideas to Painjoy at: jimhillas_gc (at) yahoo (dot) com
They should be drawn in detail (or done with a computer program
dwg or dfx) and sent in jpg (or other common) format.
Once we have a few, we will vote on the best ones.
Happy designing!
WEBSITE
We are about a month behind schedule due to malicious gremlins
and evil forces of the universe, but…
The website is up and running and nearly complete.
We are adding more content and more details every week.
Our website is a very useful tool and you can refer to it often.
I am currently working on the workshift sign-up page.
Then I will be adding lots and lots of pics to the site.
If you have any pics you want considered for the site, email
them to Admiral Painjoy.
Here’s the link to the Spanky’s Village website:
http://www.jimhillas.org/spankyswinebar.html
SIGNUPS
You are not an official member of the Village until you go to the
website and sign up. If you have camped with us before or if you
are a member of one of our new camps, no approval is needed. If
you are a prospective member, please send Admiral Painjoy an email
so that he can vet you. Signing up is easy and it only takes a few
minutes… and it merely costs you your soul! (bwahahaha)
There is a limited amount of space in the Village for camping, so
sign up right away.
Here’s who has signed up so far:
NAME PLAYANAME – LOCATION – CAMP
Jim H. Painjoy Cali SWB
Tom E. Pope DB Oregon SWB
Bill A. Beach Boy FL PVM
Charlie C. Charlie-in-the-OC Cali SWB
Bruce D. Mr. Guano Cali BBand
Shannon A. Shennanigans Cali SWB
Joey P. Mayor Joey Nev SWB
John B. Birdsong New Orleans BBand
Nancy S. Hooker Clown FL SWB
Inge K. Inge Amsterdam V&V
Cynthia C. SINdy Cali BBand
Regina D. Playa Bitch FL PVM
Trenton P. Catfish Cali SWB
Paul M. Carbon Buildup Oregon BBand
Diane G. Carmen Cali BBand
Barry G. Pooch Cali BBand
Alex V. Sasha Wash V&V (paid dues, but need to sign up)
Anna V. Anna Wash V&V (paid dues, but need to sign up)
Rob C. Carpy Cali BBand
Welcome aboard matees!
VILLAGE DUES
Our village dues help pay for the infrastructure of the village (see
the website for more details). The dues are currently $100.00 per
Village member.
We understand that times are tough for everyone financially, but
without this money, we don’t get to have the village we want. And
our dues are low compared to most other Esplanade villages. And
when you consider the other costs associated with going to Bman
(driving, flying, bman ticket, camping equipment, food, costumes, etc)
the Village dues are the smallest expense.
But, none-the-less, we do have options available. There are payment plans
available to those who are on a weekly/monthly budget. There is also
a “severe hardship case” fund (which is funded by the generosity of
other village members/rockstars who pay more than the prevailing dues rate).
If you need to avail yourself of either of these options, send an email
to Admiral Painjoy. No willing and able “Spanker” should be denied
admittance because they are broke. All emails are kept in the strictest
of confidence.
And please, if you can afford it, pay more than the minimum dues so
that we can have everything and everyone that we want/need on the playa
this year… be a rockstar if you can!
WORKSHIFTS
There are many reasons for workshifts. First and foremost, they spread
the workload over the entire village. Without shifts, a very few people
wind up doing most of the work… and that’s not fair. Many hands make
light work. (And “work” is a relative term, I mean, how much “work” is
it to bring a beautiful person to orgasm?... OK, maybe a bad example)
Second, workshifts assure that our attractions are open and available to
the public when we say they will be. Being an Esplanade village, we are
required to be open for business and interactive most hours of the day
and night. Our toys and bar are what warrant our Esplanade real-estate.
Third, many of our toys and attractions are so much fun, that people get upset
if they don’t get an opportunity to run them. Shifts make sure that everyone
gets a fair shot at them.
Fourth, we are only asking for 8 hours on the playa (aside from set-up and
break down). That leaves 160+ hours of free time to do fuck-all!
And finally, pitching-in makes you feel like you are part of the village and
not just a guest. There are usually great social aspects to the workshifts.
You get to meet your fellow Spankers. You get to meet new and interesting
burners.
Now, I know many of you are thinking that you don’t want to be “tied
down” (wait, bad choice of words), “locked into” (hmmm, not much better)
“strapped to” (I can’t stop!... ok, breathe)… “committed” to particular times
to do things on the playa. This is understandable. After all, this is your
vacation. We understand. We are only asking that you sign up for shifts
and make a good effort to stick to your word. If you are hung over, drunk,
exhausted, etc., just let the “camp bitch” for the day know about it. He
or she will try to fill your work shift. Or, even better, you can find
somebody to swap shifts with.
It may appear that Painjoy is trying to run the camp in a way-too-
organized manner, but fear not. Painjoy is a soft touch, a very sweet and
gentle man, a nice guy (but don’t ever turn your back on him for a second!)
And if you completely and totally refuse to sign up for workshifts (for
religious, political, or psychological reasons), just send Admiral
Painjoy an email and he will work something out with you.
There now… that wasn’t so bad… was it?
THE SKUNKWORKS
It takes a village to build a village. We have scheduled three work/party
weekends at Mayor Joeys ranch in Fallon, NV (aka The Skunkworks).
We work on the toys and the village infrastructure projects during the
daytime… We party hardy at night. These weekends are lotza fun. There
are things for everyone to do. Please join us for a weekend (or two, or
three) if you can. All the needed info is on the website.
The first Skunkworks weekend is June 5 – 7. This weekend was selected
so that Phil could make it… see ya there Phil! ;)
Note: If you are flying-in for a Skunkworks weekend, we will probably
be able to pick you up and drop you off at the Reno airport. Let APJ
know if you require this service.
Also, we will need people to help load trucks on the days just before
bman… and we will need people to help unload after the event.
All volunteers will get laid! Let Painjoy know if you can help when
you signup to join the village.
SPANKY’S WISH LIST
Here is a list of things that we are on the lookout for… either free
or dirt cheap. Keep in mind that these things need to make it to
Mayor Joey’s ranch some time before bman.
> Sofas and chairs for the bar area
> Coffee tables for the bar area
> 4’x4’ OR 2’x4’ lexan or plexiglass panels ½” thick
> Cans of paint
> Paper drinking cups (a gazillion)
> Fabrics
> Large earth augers
More to come soon
That’s all for this issue!
My name is Admiral Painjoy and I just passed my
drug test… man does my dealer have some explaining to do!
“The Paddler”
The monthly newsletter for Spanky’s Village
(That’s right… we said “Village” bitch!)
Welcome to the first issue for 2009…
Welcome to the Evolution!!!
~Admiral Painjoy~
You are receiving this email because:
#1 - You were camped with us in Spanky’s last year and
we want you back… or…
#2 - We are trying to lure you into our nefarious web… or…
#C - You are a friend of Spanky’s and you want to stay
abreast of whatz going on (hehe… he said breast)… or…
#four – You are a member of one of our new camps… or…
#V – The recent outbreak of sunspots has caused this
email to travel down the wrong tube… in the network
of interweb tubes
APRIL 2009
Only 138 days til Burning Man
(or 3312 hours or 198,720 minutes or 11.9 million shakes of
a lambs tail… give or take)
In this month’s infomercial:
> Village People
> Medallions for your camp
> Website
> Sign-Ups
> Who’s Signed Up so Far
> Dues
> Workshifts
> The Skunkworks
> Spanky’s wish list
VILLAGE PEOPLE
That’s right, we’re a village, people!
Last year, we were Spanky’s Wine Bar (with three sub-camps;
the burning band, villains & virgins, and DB’s massage/hairwash)
This year we will have those camps, plus…
>The PVM (Positive Vibe Movement)
> Camp Mystic (The were our neighbors last year)
> Hookah Homestead
(maybe more?)
Most of the members of these new camps are based in Florida
(but they all know how to properly work a butterfly ballot)
The PVM crew has a new art/party bus (called the NautiBus)
and there are many awesome fire performers and DJs in the
PVM/Mystic crew. They will be hosting a party on Thursday
night in the Village called “The Evolution of Breaks”. PVM
also will be bringing a big Moroccan tent to the village which
will be home to many pampering delights.
The Hookah Homestead is bringing a tent to the village
wherein there will be hookahs, tobaccos and a nice, chill
atmosphere for the wee hours of the morning. We love the
ambient sunrise sets!
Each of these camps (along with the others) will soon be posting
a more detailed description and history, which will be posted on
the Village website.
Spanky’s is very happy to welcome our new friends into the fold.
MEDALLIONS FOR YOUR CAMP
Our friend Jonathan West (aka Dr. Entomo) is a former member
of Firefly Village and the conGLOMerate Village. Veteran
burners may remember his “dragonfly shower” in the Glom. Well,
it turns out that Jonathan recently started a new business in which
he creates (among other things) medallions. The sort that can be
hung on necklaces (or more apropos to our village, slave collars).
He works with brass, copper and aluminum. He can create different
shapes (not just circles). He can finish in different patinas. They can
be one sided or two sided. Designs can be engraved or raised. And
they are very nice looking (I have a sample in front of me right now
that looks like an antique coin… silver dollar size).
They are near mint quality but with a certain look that can
only be described as “fine burner jewelry”. The prices for the medallions
range from $8-$10 each based on the options selected from above.
Attached to this email are some samples of the sort of things he can do.
Here’s what we should do. First off, let’s design a medallion for Spanky’s
Village. Second, lets design medallions for the other camps too! Then
whomever wants some, can order them thru the Spanky’s website.
Keep in mind that we cannot wait until the last minute to finalize designs
and orders and expect that Jonathan can fill the orders overnight.
We need to create and summit our design ideas as soon as possible
to ensure that Jonathan has ample time to complete them all.
We need to keep our design to detail at a level similar to that of those
depicted in the attachments. Jonathan is happy to provide a 3-d
rendering of design ideas for approval.
I will also look into different slave collars, necklaces, etc that we could
hang our medallions from and I will post that info in the next Paddler.
Once we have all that info, we can place orders. This medallion/collar
stuff is voluntary and is not part of the village dues. I will volunteer to
organize the orders for everyone.
Send all your design ideas to Painjoy at: jimhillas_gc (at) yahoo (dot) com
They should be drawn in detail (or done with a computer program
dwg or dfx) and sent in jpg (or other common) format.
Once we have a few, we will vote on the best ones.
Happy designing!
WEBSITE
We are about a month behind schedule due to malicious gremlins
and evil forces of the universe, but…
The website is up and running and nearly complete.
We are adding more content and more details every week.
Our website is a very useful tool and you can refer to it often.
I am currently working on the workshift sign-up page.
Then I will be adding lots and lots of pics to the site.
If you have any pics you want considered for the site, email
them to Admiral Painjoy.
Here’s the link to the Spanky’s Village website:
http://www.jimhillas.org/spankyswinebar.html
SIGNUPS
You are not an official member of the Village until you go to the
website and sign up. If you have camped with us before or if you
are a member of one of our new camps, no approval is needed. If
you are a prospective member, please send Admiral Painjoy an email
so that he can vet you. Signing up is easy and it only takes a few
minutes… and it merely costs you your soul! (bwahahaha)
There is a limited amount of space in the Village for camping, so
sign up right away.
Here’s who has signed up so far:
NAME PLAYANAME – LOCATION – CAMP
Jim H. Painjoy Cali SWB
Tom E. Pope DB Oregon SWB
Bill A. Beach Boy FL PVM
Charlie C. Charlie-in-the-OC Cali SWB
Bruce D. Mr. Guano Cali BBand
Shannon A. Shennanigans Cali SWB
Joey P. Mayor Joey Nev SWB
John B. Birdsong New Orleans BBand
Nancy S. Hooker Clown FL SWB
Inge K. Inge Amsterdam V&V
Cynthia C. SINdy Cali BBand
Regina D. Playa Bitch FL PVM
Trenton P. Catfish Cali SWB
Paul M. Carbon Buildup Oregon BBand
Diane G. Carmen Cali BBand
Barry G. Pooch Cali BBand
Alex V. Sasha Wash V&V (paid dues, but need to sign up)
Anna V. Anna Wash V&V (paid dues, but need to sign up)
Rob C. Carpy Cali BBand
Welcome aboard matees!
VILLAGE DUES
Our village dues help pay for the infrastructure of the village (see
the website for more details). The dues are currently $100.00 per
Village member.
We understand that times are tough for everyone financially, but
without this money, we don’t get to have the village we want. And
our dues are low compared to most other Esplanade villages. And
when you consider the other costs associated with going to Bman
(driving, flying, bman ticket, camping equipment, food, costumes, etc)
the Village dues are the smallest expense.
But, none-the-less, we do have options available. There are payment plans
available to those who are on a weekly/monthly budget. There is also
a “severe hardship case” fund (which is funded by the generosity of
other village members/rockstars who pay more than the prevailing dues rate).
If you need to avail yourself of either of these options, send an email
to Admiral Painjoy. No willing and able “Spanker” should be denied
admittance because they are broke. All emails are kept in the strictest
of confidence.
And please, if you can afford it, pay more than the minimum dues so
that we can have everything and everyone that we want/need on the playa
this year… be a rockstar if you can!
WORKSHIFTS
There are many reasons for workshifts. First and foremost, they spread
the workload over the entire village. Without shifts, a very few people
wind up doing most of the work… and that’s not fair. Many hands make
light work. (And “work” is a relative term, I mean, how much “work” is
it to bring a beautiful person to orgasm?... OK, maybe a bad example)
Second, workshifts assure that our attractions are open and available to
the public when we say they will be. Being an Esplanade village, we are
required to be open for business and interactive most hours of the day
and night. Our toys and bar are what warrant our Esplanade real-estate.
Third, many of our toys and attractions are so much fun, that people get upset
if they don’t get an opportunity to run them. Shifts make sure that everyone
gets a fair shot at them.
Fourth, we are only asking for 8 hours on the playa (aside from set-up and
break down). That leaves 160+ hours of free time to do fuck-all!
And finally, pitching-in makes you feel like you are part of the village and
not just a guest. There are usually great social aspects to the workshifts.
You get to meet your fellow Spankers. You get to meet new and interesting
burners.
Now, I know many of you are thinking that you don’t want to be “tied
down” (wait, bad choice of words), “locked into” (hmmm, not much better)
“strapped to” (I can’t stop!... ok, breathe)… “committed” to particular times
to do things on the playa. This is understandable. After all, this is your
vacation. We understand. We are only asking that you sign up for shifts
and make a good effort to stick to your word. If you are hung over, drunk,
exhausted, etc., just let the “camp bitch” for the day know about it. He
or she will try to fill your work shift. Or, even better, you can find
somebody to swap shifts with.
It may appear that Painjoy is trying to run the camp in a way-too-
organized manner, but fear not. Painjoy is a soft touch, a very sweet and
gentle man, a nice guy (but don’t ever turn your back on him for a second!)
And if you completely and totally refuse to sign up for workshifts (for
religious, political, or psychological reasons), just send Admiral
Painjoy an email and he will work something out with you.
There now… that wasn’t so bad… was it?
THE SKUNKWORKS
It takes a village to build a village. We have scheduled three work/party
weekends at Mayor Joeys ranch in Fallon, NV (aka The Skunkworks).
We work on the toys and the village infrastructure projects during the
daytime… We party hardy at night. These weekends are lotza fun. There
are things for everyone to do. Please join us for a weekend (or two, or
three) if you can. All the needed info is on the website.
The first Skunkworks weekend is June 5 – 7. This weekend was selected
so that Phil could make it… see ya there Phil! ;)
Note: If you are flying-in for a Skunkworks weekend, we will probably
be able to pick you up and drop you off at the Reno airport. Let APJ
know if you require this service.
Also, we will need people to help load trucks on the days just before
bman… and we will need people to help unload after the event.
All volunteers will get laid! Let Painjoy know if you can help when
you signup to join the village.
SPANKY’S WISH LIST
Here is a list of things that we are on the lookout for… either free
or dirt cheap. Keep in mind that these things need to make it to
Mayor Joey’s ranch some time before bman.
> Sofas and chairs for the bar area
> Coffee tables for the bar area
> 4’x4’ OR 2’x4’ lexan or plexiglass panels ½” thick
> Cans of paint
> Paper drinking cups (a gazillion)
> Fabrics
> Large earth augers
More to come soon
That’s all for this issue!
My name is Admiral Painjoy and I just passed my
drug test… man does my dealer have some explaining to do!
JimHillas.Org Spanky's Village
"We won't do anything to you that you won't beg for again tomorrow"
"We won't do anything to you that you won't beg for again tomorrow"
| Paddler Archives (past issues of the village newsletter) |
JUNE 2009
The Paddler
The monthly newsletter for Spanky’s Village
http://www.jimhillas.org/spankyswinebar.html
“Your heart may belong to The Man… but your
ASS belongs to Spanky’s”
You are receiving this email because:
1- You are a spanker… or…
2- You are a spankee… or…
3- You are awesome!... or…
4- We found your email address on the men’s room wall of Bruno’s Bar & Grill in Gerlach
JUNE 2009
Only 100 days til Burning Man
(or 2400 hours or 144,00 minutes or 8.64 million shakes of
a beaver tail… give or take)
In this month’s infomercial:
> Village Status
> Spanky’s on-playa Events
> SWB medallions and necklaces
> Skunkworks - June 5-7
> Sign-ups and Dues
> Spanky’s Wish List
VILLAGE STATUS
“It takes a child to raise a village”.
~Admiral Painjoy~ (child)
Yes my fellow Spankers, we are still Spanky’s Village. Technically we were a village last year also (SWB, BBand, DBs and V&V). However,
most of the PVM and Hookah Homestead crew will be doing their own camp this year. They will try to acquire space near us.
Meanwhile, Spanky’s steams forward. It’s looking as if Spanky’s will be a bit larger than last year. More people, more toys, more events,
more fun. We are switching into high gear now that the summer months are upon us. (Low gear was lying face down on the carpet drooling.
We hope that high gear is a bit more energetic)
I wish you all could see the vision I have in my mind of what Spanky’s is going to be this year. If only half of it comes to fruition, we are going to
be one of the best camps on the playa. You should all be getting all kinds of crazy, excited, jazzed up by now. This is it. We are going to blow
away our minds, our neighbors, and everyone who experiences Spanky’s. When people talk about their life-changing BM experiences, they
will be talking about US!
SPANKY’S ON-PLAYA EVENTS
In addition to last year’s events (the LBD parade, the ShirtCocker’s Ball, the Best Buttz contest, the V&V party and MPR) we will be expanding
and adding the following:
* The Best Buttz contest will be expanding to include girl-buttz (yum!)
* The Burning Band will be leading the revival of the Weird Underwear
Brigade Remember to pack you wildest and most creative (or even
home-made) unmentionables for this zany parade. (Anyone caught wearing
tightie-whities will be beaten… errr… umm… NOT beaten. Damn, this is a
tough group to motivate!)
* Admiral Painjoy will be hosting a “mash-up” party on Monday
night at 11pm. What’s a “mash-up” you ask? Contrary to popular belief
it has nothing to do with squashing potatoes between Piano Wench’s breasts.
Mash-ups are a genre of music where songs are created by the merging/mixing of two
or more existing songs.
* Villains & Virgins, Burning Band, and perhaps PVM and Mystic will
also be hosting parties (themes, days and times TBA)
* Inappropriate yoga class(es) hosted by V&V (day/time TBA)
* Whipped Dreams and the Whippit Olympics (classified top secret)
MEDALLIONS AND NECKLACES
The last “Paddler” included a request for medallion designs. I received a grand total of zero… phuking zero! Have you all lost your creative
mojo??? We need some ideas to choose from! (Actually, I did receive a few designs, but they all included images of Hayseed’s penis, and
unfortunately the machinery our fabricator uses isn’t capable of engraving in such small detail!... sorry Hayseed, I couldn’t resist… I know, pot
calling the kettle black)
Email some designs people! Go to the http://www.jimhillas.org/medallioncollar.html for examples of what our friend Jonathan can make for
us. They are really quite impressive!
Also, see the pics of the great “bullet and bead” necklaces Mayor Joey is making for us.
He has assured us that these beads are new and clean and not from his private “bead” collection.
And if you want medallions for your individual camps, Jonathan can do that also. Minimum order is 20 medallions (in increments of 5).
Medallions and necklaces are optional and not included in your dues. The necklaces are $10 each and the medallions are $8. But the first
step is creating some designs.
SKUNKWORKS (SPANKY’S WORK/PARTY WEEKEND)
Calling all left coasters!!!!!!!!!! Join your fellow Spankers in the land of guns, casinos and hookers!
Our first work/party weekend is June 5-7 (next weekend). If you live on the west coast, you should be there. No excuses. I don’t care if your
Chihuahua has separation anxiety or that is the weekend you scheduled for your hysterectomy, you should be there! Plus, Mayor Joey’s ranch
is situated on a huge plot of secluded desert which is great for our Saturday night party (and is also great for hiding the bodies… evil laugh).
Plus I think we have all the tools to do your surgery free of charge!
There will be plenty for everyone to do… construction, painting, welding, underwater basket weaving, etc.
If you need directions, simply go to the FBI’s Most Wanted list, click on Mayor Joey’s mug shot and select “Last known location”. Or just go to
http://jimhillas.org/skunkworks.html
There are Spankers coming from all directions, so rideshares are definitely an option. So are Reno airport pickups. RSVP today to let me
know you are coming. (I know that Doug (Major D) is looking for somebody to share travel expenses… he departs on Friday from the LA area)
SIGN-UPS AND DUES
A great big Thank You to all who have singed up and paid your dues! Those who have not, please do so ASAP. The cost of dues goes up
each month because we need money early. Paying your dues in August doesn’t help us now when we need to pay for things like the
generator, the new shade panels for the BASS, construction materials for the work party weekends, etc. So please, jump onto the website
and sign-up and pay your dues… then you can go back to surfing www.awkwardboners.com afterwards.
Click here to pay your dues: http://www.jimhillas.org/duesbudget.html
SPANKY’S WISH LIST
Here is a list of things that we are on the lookout for… either free
or dirt cheap. Keep in mind that these things need to make it to
Mayor Joey’s ranch some time before bman.
> Sofas, bar stools and chairs for the bar area
> Coffee tables for the bar area
> 4’x4’ OR 2’x4’ clear lexan or plexiglass panels ½” thick
> Cans of paint (any colors)
> Paper drinking cups (one or two gazillion)
> Fabric
> Large earth augers (we need LARGE augers. The actual size of the Earth will not be
changing.)
> Orange “trash fencing” and T-stakes
> Two shrubberies of different heights to create a two-level effect with a little path
running down the middle…
THIS SECTION INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK (or is it?)
You are a clever little hacker, aren’t you!
That’s all for this issue!
Spank you very much!
apj
The Paddler
The monthly newsletter for Spanky’s Village
http://www.jimhillas.org/spankyswinebar.html
“Your heart may belong to The Man… but your
ASS belongs to Spanky’s”
You are receiving this email because:
1- You are a spanker… or…
2- You are a spankee… or…
3- You are awesome!... or…
4- We found your email address on the men’s room wall of Bruno’s Bar & Grill in Gerlach
JUNE 2009
Only 100 days til Burning Man
(or 2400 hours or 144,00 minutes or 8.64 million shakes of
a beaver tail… give or take)
In this month’s infomercial:
> Village Status
> Spanky’s on-playa Events
> SWB medallions and necklaces
> Skunkworks - June 5-7
> Sign-ups and Dues
> Spanky’s Wish List
VILLAGE STATUS
“It takes a child to raise a village”.
~Admiral Painjoy~ (child)
Yes my fellow Spankers, we are still Spanky’s Village. Technically we were a village last year also (SWB, BBand, DBs and V&V). However,
most of the PVM and Hookah Homestead crew will be doing their own camp this year. They will try to acquire space near us.
Meanwhile, Spanky’s steams forward. It’s looking as if Spanky’s will be a bit larger than last year. More people, more toys, more events,
more fun. We are switching into high gear now that the summer months are upon us. (Low gear was lying face down on the carpet drooling.
We hope that high gear is a bit more energetic)
I wish you all could see the vision I have in my mind of what Spanky’s is going to be this year. If only half of it comes to fruition, we are going to
be one of the best camps on the playa. You should all be getting all kinds of crazy, excited, jazzed up by now. This is it. We are going to blow
away our minds, our neighbors, and everyone who experiences Spanky’s. When people talk about their life-changing BM experiences, they
will be talking about US!
SPANKY’S ON-PLAYA EVENTS
In addition to last year’s events (the LBD parade, the ShirtCocker’s Ball, the Best Buttz contest, the V&V party and MPR) we will be expanding
and adding the following:
* The Best Buttz contest will be expanding to include girl-buttz (yum!)
* The Burning Band will be leading the revival of the Weird Underwear
Brigade Remember to pack you wildest and most creative (or even
home-made) unmentionables for this zany parade. (Anyone caught wearing
tightie-whities will be beaten… errr… umm… NOT beaten. Damn, this is a
tough group to motivate!)
* Admiral Painjoy will be hosting a “mash-up” party on Monday
night at 11pm. What’s a “mash-up” you ask? Contrary to popular belief
it has nothing to do with squashing potatoes between Piano Wench’s breasts.
Mash-ups are a genre of music where songs are created by the merging/mixing of two
or more existing songs.
* Villains & Virgins, Burning Band, and perhaps PVM and Mystic will
also be hosting parties (themes, days and times TBA)
* Inappropriate yoga class(es) hosted by V&V (day/time TBA)
* Whipped Dreams and the Whippit Olympics (classified top secret)
MEDALLIONS AND NECKLACES
The last “Paddler” included a request for medallion designs. I received a grand total of zero… phuking zero! Have you all lost your creative
mojo??? We need some ideas to choose from! (Actually, I did receive a few designs, but they all included images of Hayseed’s penis, and
unfortunately the machinery our fabricator uses isn’t capable of engraving in such small detail!... sorry Hayseed, I couldn’t resist… I know, pot
calling the kettle black)
Email some designs people! Go to the http://www.jimhillas.org/medallioncollar.html for examples of what our friend Jonathan can make for
us. They are really quite impressive!
Also, see the pics of the great “bullet and bead” necklaces Mayor Joey is making for us.
He has assured us that these beads are new and clean and not from his private “bead” collection.
And if you want medallions for your individual camps, Jonathan can do that also. Minimum order is 20 medallions (in increments of 5).
Medallions and necklaces are optional and not included in your dues. The necklaces are $10 each and the medallions are $8. But the first
step is creating some designs.
SKUNKWORKS (SPANKY’S WORK/PARTY WEEKEND)
Calling all left coasters!!!!!!!!!! Join your fellow Spankers in the land of guns, casinos and hookers!
Our first work/party weekend is June 5-7 (next weekend). If you live on the west coast, you should be there. No excuses. I don’t care if your
Chihuahua has separation anxiety or that is the weekend you scheduled for your hysterectomy, you should be there! Plus, Mayor Joey’s ranch
is situated on a huge plot of secluded desert which is great for our Saturday night party (and is also great for hiding the bodies… evil laugh).
Plus I think we have all the tools to do your surgery free of charge!
There will be plenty for everyone to do… construction, painting, welding, underwater basket weaving, etc.
If you need directions, simply go to the FBI’s Most Wanted list, click on Mayor Joey’s mug shot and select “Last known location”. Or just go to
http://jimhillas.org/skunkworks.html
There are Spankers coming from all directions, so rideshares are definitely an option. So are Reno airport pickups. RSVP today to let me
know you are coming. (I know that Doug (Major D) is looking for somebody to share travel expenses… he departs on Friday from the LA area)
SIGN-UPS AND DUES
A great big Thank You to all who have singed up and paid your dues! Those who have not, please do so ASAP. The cost of dues goes up
each month because we need money early. Paying your dues in August doesn’t help us now when we need to pay for things like the
generator, the new shade panels for the BASS, construction materials for the work party weekends, etc. So please, jump onto the website
and sign-up and pay your dues… then you can go back to surfing www.awkwardboners.com afterwards.
Click here to pay your dues: http://www.jimhillas.org/duesbudget.html
SPANKY’S WISH LIST
Here is a list of things that we are on the lookout for… either free
or dirt cheap. Keep in mind that these things need to make it to
Mayor Joey’s ranch some time before bman.
> Sofas, bar stools and chairs for the bar area
> Coffee tables for the bar area
> 4’x4’ OR 2’x4’ clear lexan or plexiglass panels ½” thick
> Cans of paint (any colors)
> Paper drinking cups (one or two gazillion)
> Fabric
> Large earth augers (we need LARGE augers. The actual size of the Earth will not be
changing.)
> Orange “trash fencing” and T-stakes
> Two shrubberies of different heights to create a two-level effect with a little path
running down the middle…
THIS SECTION INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK (or is it?)
You are a clever little hacker, aren’t you!
That’s all for this issue!
Spank you very much!
apj
JULY 2009
Only 52 days til Burning Man
(or 1248 hours or 74,880 minutes or 4.5 million shakes of
an angry ocelot’s tail… give or take)
In this month’s infomercial:
> New Camps and New Events
> Medallions and Necklaces
> Work and Party (Skunkworks)
> iPods and CDs (be the DJ)
> Sign-ups and Dues (cut-off date)
> Wine and More Wine
> Name-badges and Photos
> Doms and Dancers
> Trash and Treasure
> Proctor and Gamble, Abbot and Costello, Fear and Loathing, Captain and Tennille, Sears and Roebuck, Fish and Chips, War and
Peace, Lucy and Dezi…. (pant, pant, pant) sorry, my OCD kicked in there for a minute
NEW CAMPS and NEW EVENTS
SPORK (Southerners Promoting Okra & Roux Knowledge) is our brand spankin new baby camp this month (awwww, isn’t he cute).
Brought to us by Tyler (Hayseed) or as he is now known… Spork Daddy. The name is sorta speaks for itself, but check out the full
description at http://www.jimhillas.org/villagecamps.html And while you’re there, check out the new description for Pope DB’s
Hairwash and Lascivious Massage Parlor. (Does anyone else see the irony in that “lascivious” means disregarding sexual
restraints!?)
We have some new events to announce as well. First is the Thursday night “Black Rock Bacchanalian Bachelor/Bachelorette
Bash”, hosted by V&V and Mystic. This will not only be a great party, but it also may win the coveted “Absolutely Awesome Alliteration
Award”. Details will be on the website soon. Thursday evening (sunset?) may also be the time of a Mystic production of the musical
“Godspell” (if they ever fricken call/email me… jeeze). Also, on Thursday afternoon, V&V will be hosting “Inappropriate Yoga”
classes! And with the boastful claim that they are planning on sweeping the awards in the “Best Buttz Contest”, the Villains &
Virgins and Camp Mystic have fully staked a claim on Thursday… they own it… Thursday belongs to them… you can’t have it. (and
they will name it ‘squishy’, and it will be theirs, and it will be their ‘squishy’.)
And one more new event… Saturday… Burn Night… Roll on over to the bar for Admiral Painjoy’s “Saturday Sunset Psy-trance Set”
(Ha! see Phil, I can alliterate too!... oh shut up Phil, the P is silent, like in “swimming pool”… think about it people...) The Admiral will
be bustin’ out two hours of the finest psychedelic trance tracks to warm you up for the burn! The music will bubble in your head like
warm sweet acid flowing through a garden of mushrooms, percolating through your ears like a recklessly over-ambitious Pop
Rocks enema.
MEDALIONS and NECKLACES
Don’t be a loser. If you don’t buy one of the Spanky’s Medallions and a necklace to hang it from… all the other kids at school are
gunna pick on you and steal your lunch money! There are two medallion designs to choose from. Instructions for ordering
necklaces and medallions can be found here: http://www.jimhillas.org/medallion.html
Please, please, please place your orders now! We will not be accepting orders for medallions after Aug 1st. Medallions are only $8
each and necklaces are only $10. The medallions make really nice playa gifts… I mean really nice… Like, get-you-laid-by-someone-
hotter-than-you nice! Operators are standing by! But wait, there’s more! If you act now, you can get a second medallion for twice the
price! That’s right two medallions for $16. Mention this ad and we will even throw in a third medallion for $8 more… that’s three,
count them, 1,2,3 medallions for the low, low, low cost of $24! How can you pass up this offer?!?!? If you DON’T order now, Billy
Mays’ ghost will come to your house and ShamWow your privates. You won’t be saying “wow” afterwards!
Okay, seriously, my friend Jonathan makes these medallions. It’s a new business for him (he was laid off by HP this past year).
Jonathan (and his wife Marissa) are good people and great burners. He only profits around a buck for each medallion, but if he
makes/sells enough, he may be able to afford Bman this year… and he wants sooo badly to camp with us at Spanky’s. Buy one if
you can… they really are nice.
SKUNKWORKS (SPANKY’S WORK/PARTY WEEKEND)
Our second Skunkworks is this weekend. Please attend if at all possible. It is held at Mayor Joey’s ranch in Fallon, NV. There will
be all kinds of work available. There will be much partying at night. Call Admiral Painjoy if you can attend or if you have questions:
916-337-5353
(one free spanking to anyone who can tell us the origin of the term “skunkworks”)
iPODs and CDs
Tired of the same old music at Bman? Be the DJ. If you bring your iPod or CDs to the playa, we give you the chance to make people
tired of YOUR music! Note: music should be appropriate for the time of day and may be superceded by a scheduled event’s
music. Group your tracks into a “playlist”. Also Note: the playa tends to scratch CDs… best to bring a copy, not your original.
SIGN-UPS AND DUES
Please people… I beseech thee! It is now well into July and we are only at 60% signed up and paid! I hate to keep banging this
drum over and over again (believe me, there are many other things I’d rather be banging), but the dues money does us little good if
you pay after the work parties are done. We need your money now. We still have thousands of dollars in expenses. Don’t
procrastinate any longer. We want to reach our budget goal of 85% paid by this weekend… and your Admiral is starting to sweat like
Brittany Spears at a spelling-bee. (If you don’t pay up by this weekend, your dues increase $10 every minute after midnight. Yes,
that seems extreme, but it is remarkably motivating! You don’t want to be the poor bastid who has to pay $788,800 to join Spanky’s.)
And if you paid your dues, but didn’t officially sign up on the website, please do that now. Everyone needs to sign up on the site.
Dues: http://www.jimhillas.org/duesbudget.html
Sign-Ups: http://www.jimhillas.org/signup.html
WINE and MORE WINE
This is an update on an email that from a few weeks ago. APJ was contacted by Duncan, who is in the wine business in California.
He is willing to sell us 100 cases of wine at one dollar per bottle. We are going to do this if we can afford it. We won’t know until
August. But this bulk-purchase DOES NOT absolve each of us from bringing our individual cases of wine for the bar. This extra
purchase would simply augment our supply. (We probably wouldn’t have to ration wine during the event if we buy the extra 100
cases! More reason to get your dues paid peeps!)
NAMEBADGES and PHOTOS
Last year, most spankers received a namebadge. They were okay. They had a picture of you, your name, a quote, etc. and they
were tucked into an awkwardly large plastic sleeve with a clip… This year it’s time for an UPGRADE! This year it’s high grade,
custom artwork, and hard lamination baby! (In other words, the namebadges are gunna be better than “okay” this year, they will be
well above barely adequate!)
When you signed up on the website, you were asked for a quote for your namebadge and your “playa name” (if you don’t have a
quote or a playa name that’s alright… we can use your first name and we can make up a quote/rank/etc for you)… BUT… we do
need a picture for your namebadge. The pic can be you, or not… have fun, be creative. If you want to re-use last year’s pic, that’s OK
too. But please let us know!!!
Send your pics as an attachment in an email to jimhillas_gc (at) yahoo (dot) com. The cutoff date for sending pics is August 3rd.
After that… we pick a pic for ya… and I guarantee it will not be a pretty one!
DOMS and DANCERS
In case you haven’t heard, the shift matrix is up and running! It’s time to select your shifts on the playa. Remember, each member
of the village is required to spend at least 8 hours doing shifts to help the village. It can be running toys, spanking, bartending,
dancing, bouncing, giving orgasms (8 hours wacking off alone in your tent does not qualify), cleaning, performing, etc. Get the fun
shift that you want! Go to the website now before the ones you want are gone. You will be sure to find some “job” that fits you.
Note: If you are young and attractive and you don’t sign up to be a dom or dancer… shame on you! Dom/Dancer lessons will be
available on the playa. Also, if you have friends that aren’t camping with Spanky’s Village, they are welcome to come by and help us
also! Please encourage this… we love it when guests help out! Forward this info to them.
Job/Shift Descriptions and Sign-up info here:
http://www.jimhillas.org/workshifts.html
TRASH and TREASURE (AKA SPANKY’S WISH LIST)
First off, big thanks to Naked Larry who came up with the idea for the sofa construction and sourced the materials!
Here is a list of things that we are on the lookout for… either free
or dirt cheap:
> Bar Stools, Bar Stools, Bar Stools (please send your stool samples to APJ)
> Cans of paint (any colors)
> Paper drinking cups (one or two gazillion)
> A concave steel “dish” to be used as a firepan (approx 6 ft diameter) (I am sure you have one of these. Check between your sofa
cushions.)
> Fabric
> Large earth augers (we need large AUGERS. The actual size of the Earth will not be
changing.)
> Orange “trash fencing” and T-stakes
> A herring (to cut down the mightiest tree in the forest!)
That’s all for this issue!
Thanks & Spanks
apj
Only 52 days til Burning Man
(or 1248 hours or 74,880 minutes or 4.5 million shakes of
an angry ocelot’s tail… give or take)
In this month’s infomercial:
> New Camps and New Events
> Medallions and Necklaces
> Work and Party (Skunkworks)
> iPods and CDs (be the DJ)
> Sign-ups and Dues (cut-off date)
> Wine and More Wine
> Name-badges and Photos
> Doms and Dancers
> Trash and Treasure
> Proctor and Gamble, Abbot and Costello, Fear and Loathing, Captain and Tennille, Sears and Roebuck, Fish and Chips, War and
Peace, Lucy and Dezi…. (pant, pant, pant) sorry, my OCD kicked in there for a minute
NEW CAMPS and NEW EVENTS
SPORK (Southerners Promoting Okra & Roux Knowledge) is our brand spankin new baby camp this month (awwww, isn’t he cute).
Brought to us by Tyler (Hayseed) or as he is now known… Spork Daddy. The name is sorta speaks for itself, but check out the full
description at http://www.jimhillas.org/villagecamps.html And while you’re there, check out the new description for Pope DB’s
Hairwash and Lascivious Massage Parlor. (Does anyone else see the irony in that “lascivious” means disregarding sexual
restraints!?)
We have some new events to announce as well. First is the Thursday night “Black Rock Bacchanalian Bachelor/Bachelorette
Bash”, hosted by V&V and Mystic. This will not only be a great party, but it also may win the coveted “Absolutely Awesome Alliteration
Award”. Details will be on the website soon. Thursday evening (sunset?) may also be the time of a Mystic production of the musical
“Godspell” (if they ever fricken call/email me… jeeze). Also, on Thursday afternoon, V&V will be hosting “Inappropriate Yoga”
classes! And with the boastful claim that they are planning on sweeping the awards in the “Best Buttz Contest”, the Villains &
Virgins and Camp Mystic have fully staked a claim on Thursday… they own it… Thursday belongs to them… you can’t have it. (and
they will name it ‘squishy’, and it will be theirs, and it will be their ‘squishy’.)
And one more new event… Saturday… Burn Night… Roll on over to the bar for Admiral Painjoy’s “Saturday Sunset Psy-trance Set”
(Ha! see Phil, I can alliterate too!... oh shut up Phil, the P is silent, like in “swimming pool”… think about it people...) The Admiral will
be bustin’ out two hours of the finest psychedelic trance tracks to warm you up for the burn! The music will bubble in your head like
warm sweet acid flowing through a garden of mushrooms, percolating through your ears like a recklessly over-ambitious Pop
Rocks enema.
MEDALIONS and NECKLACES
Don’t be a loser. If you don’t buy one of the Spanky’s Medallions and a necklace to hang it from… all the other kids at school are
gunna pick on you and steal your lunch money! There are two medallion designs to choose from. Instructions for ordering
necklaces and medallions can be found here: http://www.jimhillas.org/medallion.html
Please, please, please place your orders now! We will not be accepting orders for medallions after Aug 1st. Medallions are only $8
each and necklaces are only $10. The medallions make really nice playa gifts… I mean really nice… Like, get-you-laid-by-someone-
hotter-than-you nice! Operators are standing by! But wait, there’s more! If you act now, you can get a second medallion for twice the
price! That’s right two medallions for $16. Mention this ad and we will even throw in a third medallion for $8 more… that’s three,
count them, 1,2,3 medallions for the low, low, low cost of $24! How can you pass up this offer?!?!? If you DON’T order now, Billy
Mays’ ghost will come to your house and ShamWow your privates. You won’t be saying “wow” afterwards!
Okay, seriously, my friend Jonathan makes these medallions. It’s a new business for him (he was laid off by HP this past year).
Jonathan (and his wife Marissa) are good people and great burners. He only profits around a buck for each medallion, but if he
makes/sells enough, he may be able to afford Bman this year… and he wants sooo badly to camp with us at Spanky’s. Buy one if
you can… they really are nice.
SKUNKWORKS (SPANKY’S WORK/PARTY WEEKEND)
Our second Skunkworks is this weekend. Please attend if at all possible. It is held at Mayor Joey’s ranch in Fallon, NV. There will
be all kinds of work available. There will be much partying at night. Call Admiral Painjoy if you can attend or if you have questions:
916-337-5353
(one free spanking to anyone who can tell us the origin of the term “skunkworks”)
iPODs and CDs
Tired of the same old music at Bman? Be the DJ. If you bring your iPod or CDs to the playa, we give you the chance to make people
tired of YOUR music! Note: music should be appropriate for the time of day and may be superceded by a scheduled event’s
music. Group your tracks into a “playlist”. Also Note: the playa tends to scratch CDs… best to bring a copy, not your original.
SIGN-UPS AND DUES
Please people… I beseech thee! It is now well into July and we are only at 60% signed up and paid! I hate to keep banging this
drum over and over again (believe me, there are many other things I’d rather be banging), but the dues money does us little good if
you pay after the work parties are done. We need your money now. We still have thousands of dollars in expenses. Don’t
procrastinate any longer. We want to reach our budget goal of 85% paid by this weekend… and your Admiral is starting to sweat like
Brittany Spears at a spelling-bee. (If you don’t pay up by this weekend, your dues increase $10 every minute after midnight. Yes,
that seems extreme, but it is remarkably motivating! You don’t want to be the poor bastid who has to pay $788,800 to join Spanky’s.)
And if you paid your dues, but didn’t officially sign up on the website, please do that now. Everyone needs to sign up on the site.
Dues: http://www.jimhillas.org/duesbudget.html
Sign-Ups: http://www.jimhillas.org/signup.html
WINE and MORE WINE
This is an update on an email that from a few weeks ago. APJ was contacted by Duncan, who is in the wine business in California.
He is willing to sell us 100 cases of wine at one dollar per bottle. We are going to do this if we can afford it. We won’t know until
August. But this bulk-purchase DOES NOT absolve each of us from bringing our individual cases of wine for the bar. This extra
purchase would simply augment our supply. (We probably wouldn’t have to ration wine during the event if we buy the extra 100
cases! More reason to get your dues paid peeps!)
NAMEBADGES and PHOTOS
Last year, most spankers received a namebadge. They were okay. They had a picture of you, your name, a quote, etc. and they
were tucked into an awkwardly large plastic sleeve with a clip… This year it’s time for an UPGRADE! This year it’s high grade,
custom artwork, and hard lamination baby! (In other words, the namebadges are gunna be better than “okay” this year, they will be
well above barely adequate!)
When you signed up on the website, you were asked for a quote for your namebadge and your “playa name” (if you don’t have a
quote or a playa name that’s alright… we can use your first name and we can make up a quote/rank/etc for you)… BUT… we do
need a picture for your namebadge. The pic can be you, or not… have fun, be creative. If you want to re-use last year’s pic, that’s OK
too. But please let us know!!!
Send your pics as an attachment in an email to jimhillas_gc (at) yahoo (dot) com. The cutoff date for sending pics is August 3rd.
After that… we pick a pic for ya… and I guarantee it will not be a pretty one!
DOMS and DANCERS
In case you haven’t heard, the shift matrix is up and running! It’s time to select your shifts on the playa. Remember, each member
of the village is required to spend at least 8 hours doing shifts to help the village. It can be running toys, spanking, bartending,
dancing, bouncing, giving orgasms (8 hours wacking off alone in your tent does not qualify), cleaning, performing, etc. Get the fun
shift that you want! Go to the website now before the ones you want are gone. You will be sure to find some “job” that fits you.
Note: If you are young and attractive and you don’t sign up to be a dom or dancer… shame on you! Dom/Dancer lessons will be
available on the playa. Also, if you have friends that aren’t camping with Spanky’s Village, they are welcome to come by and help us
also! Please encourage this… we love it when guests help out! Forward this info to them.
Job/Shift Descriptions and Sign-up info here:
http://www.jimhillas.org/workshifts.html
TRASH and TREASURE (AKA SPANKY’S WISH LIST)
First off, big thanks to Naked Larry who came up with the idea for the sofa construction and sourced the materials!
Here is a list of things that we are on the lookout for… either free
or dirt cheap:
> Bar Stools, Bar Stools, Bar Stools (please send your stool samples to APJ)
> Cans of paint (any colors)
> Paper drinking cups (one or two gazillion)
> A concave steel “dish” to be used as a firepan (approx 6 ft diameter) (I am sure you have one of these. Check between your sofa
cushions.)
> Fabric
> Large earth augers (we need large AUGERS. The actual size of the Earth will not be
changing.)
> Orange “trash fencing” and T-stakes
> A herring (to cut down the mightiest tree in the forest!)
That’s all for this issue!
Thanks & Spanks
apj
August 2009
Only 20 days til Burning Man (or less!!!)
(or 480 hours or 28,000 minutes or 1.72 million shakes of
a drunken lemur’s tail… give or take)
Prologue: (a mean, nasty, wicked note from Admiral Painjoy)
Well kids, we’re down to it now. Getting excited yet?!? Only mere days left, and yet sooooo many of you haven’t completed the few simple
requirements that we needed you to have been done weeks or months ago:
> Read the info on the website
> Sign up
> Pay dues
> Select work shifts
> Email a pic for your name badge
> Join the Yahoo group (optional, but recommended)
> Purchase a village medallion (optional, but they are sooo cool)
> Swear your undying love to me (optional, but highly not recommended).
Everyone is required to do these things. All of these things are important! There are good reasons for them all. They benefit you. Don’t
be afraid to go to the website and fill out the sign-up form. You won’t be secretly enlisted to serve in Iraq… we’re not doing that again this
year.
Seriously though, by not doing these things (or procrastinating) you are making the month of August a living hell for me. I NEED to have all
this stuff done by ALL of you by this weekend!
And speaking of the website… please, please, please don’t email me with questions until you have first check the website for the answer!
I worked really hard to make the website very user friendly and comprehensive. My time is so valuable to me/us right now. I have been
spending hours every night emailing responses to questions that are easily answered on the site, http://www.jimhillas.
org/spankyswinebar.html
Please, read it, learn it, do it. (Please.)
In this month’s infomercial (which should be read whilst naked, drinking a single malt and listening to Tom Waits “Get Behind the Mule”):
> Bman Placement
> Early Arrivals
> Village Placement and Map
> Fantabulous Village Medallions
> Work and Party Weekend (Skunkworks) Aug 14-16
> New Village Events, Attraction and Camp
> Bar Music (be the DJ)
> Wine and More Wine
> Appetizers
> Doms and Dancers
> Is There a Doctor in the House?
> Travel Info
> Upon Arrival at Spanky’s Village
> The Ultimate Bman Packing List
> Stuff we still need
BMAN PLACEMENT
You probably heard by now… we got the Esplanade again baby!!!! Our playa address is 8:30 and Esplanade (we are on the corner of 8:30
closest to center camp). Our Esplanade frontage is 150’ (same as last year) and our village extends back to the “A” street… however, due
to a strange series of events, we are not a rectangle, like last year. The lower-right corner of the rectangle belongs to one of our neighbors
and it is 100’ wide by 150’ deep. Our footprint is more like an upside-down “L”. But we also have been given an “overflow” area on “8:30
and Adapt” and it is 150’ by 150’. We are going to utilize this extra space for parking un-needed trucks, trailers, cars, etc. and also for
people who want to camp as far from the Esplanade as possible, but still be in the village. I will place my personal 5kw generator on the
“back lot” so that campers there can have power when they want it. Camping in the “back lot” is voluntary. I will only place you there if you
want me to, (or if you displease me.)
EARLY ARRIVALS
We have 18 early arrival passes for Bman. These are reserved exclusively for village members who are showing up early to help build the
village. The earlier you can make it out to Mayor Joey’s (or to the event), the better your chances of getting an early arrival pass. Here is the
game plan. I will be going to Mayor Joey’s (in Fallon, NV) on the Tuesday before Bman begins. We will take care of last minute
construction, load-preparations, etc. On Thursday, I will be going to the ‘playa’ (where the bman event happens) with one Spanker to get
my personal stuff set up and to survey and map the village on site. Thursday through Friday morning, Mayor Joey and any early arrivals will
finish prep and load the trucks. Friday morning, the trucks (and ensuing caravan) will head up to the playa. Fri/Sat/Sun before the event
will be spent setting up the village. We will be working day and night. It will be tough, but we will work smart. Early arrivals that screw-off
or vanish during set-up will be executed on the spot. Here is a link to a video that shows what to expect during set-up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI
Email me if you want to be considered for an early arrival pass. But be prepared to work.
VILLAGE PLACEMENT AND MAP
I will have the first version of our village map up on the website soon. Then everyone can cry and scream a bit… then shortly after that, I
will have the second version posted. In the meantime, if you have any special, oversized, personal placement needs within Spanky’s
Village, let me know. If you have a large camping tent or carport, there is no need to tell me. If you have something bigger than 10’x20’ let
me know.
I will also need to know about RVs. Each RV, pick a leader, then have that leader email me a list of who is in the RV. If your RV doesn’t
have an internal generator, you will need to park near the middle of the village (closer to the village generator). If your RV does have an
internal gennie, please use it. There will be access for RV servicing for all RVs that want it. If you don’t anticipate needing black/grey water
service, let me know. For more info on RVs in Spanky’s, go to http://www.jimhillas.org/infrastructure.html
Also, despite my objections to the idea, I will do my best to keep camps together… under one condition… (see here for my reasoning for
the objections: http://www.jimhillas.org/guidelines.html ).
The condition is this… please don’t spend your free time only hanging out with your camp in your section of the village. An important
aspect of joining a village is the social interaction of the camps. The bar and BASS are our hub… our hang out… our lounge… our civic
center. Spend time socializing with everyone there. We spent over $2000.00 on a new Big Ass Shade Structure, let’s enjoy it.
FANTABULOUS VILLAGE MEDALLIONS AND NECKLACES
The deadline for purchasing medallions has been extended. I purchased a bunch of them out of my own pocket. They are available until
they run out. They are $8.00 each. See this page for more details: http://www.jimhillas.org/medallion.html
Email Mayor Joey regarding necklaces: akadweeb@aol.com
SKUNKWORKS (SPANKY’S WORK/PARTY WEEKEND)
Our final, official Skunkworks weekend is Aug 14-16. If you live on the west side of America, please make every effort to come help us.
There will be all kinds of work to do… something for everyone. Saturday night, we will have a bonfire and party down. The party theme will
be “The Wild Wild West”. Bring a costume if’n ya wanna!
MajorD is looking for a Spanker or two to share gas expenses from Southern Cali. Email Doug at DougL@FEDSPECS.com if you want to
catch a ride with him. Carmen and Pooch are driving from the South Bay Area… same deal: Barcardia@aol.com
NEW VILLAGE EVENTS, ATTRACTION AND CAMP
Many of you remember Ryan (aka RpW) from last year… he lived behind the bar most of the late nights! He is back with Spanky’s again
this year and he has brought his girlfriend and a bunch of Brits with him. They are Camp Chrysalis. More info here: http://www.jimhillas.
org/villagecamps.html
And Mystic is throwing another hat into the ring with “The Purpose Circus”. Open Tues-Fri in the afternoons, the PC will be a place to find
yourself and your place in this crazy world. What’s your purpose? Find out.
And new events!
Ramona Mayhem and Mystic will host “Hoop Soup” on Mon 4-6pm
Stoke will be hosting a St. Tropez Beach party on Tues at 11:30am at the bar
Wed at Sunset the NautiBus will come by Spanky’s for a Deep Playa Art tour
And the pretentious, conceited bastards and bitches of “a Small World” will take over the Bar on Thursday from 8-9pm and look down their
noses at us mere mortals! ;)
More details of these events here: http://www.jimhillas.org/events.html
BAR MUSIC
Bring your iPods, mp3 players, CDs (copies, not originals) with you to Bman. You may get to be DJ at the bar for a while. However,
management reserves the right to veto music that sucks.
WINE, WINE AND MORE WINE
Please remember that everyone is required to bring a case of wine to Spanky’s. Charles Shaw (aka “two buck chuck”) cab and chard are
really cheap and drink well. This contribution applies to everyone in Spanky’s Village. After all, we are a wine bar. This is our main gift, as
a village, to the citizens of Black Rock City. More details about this here: http://www.jimhillas.org/guidelines.html
APPETIZERS
Many people are curious about our “appetizer” program. Here’s the deal. Everyone in the village brings/makes an appetizer at some point
during the week. It should be enough to serve approximately 20 people. You bring it up to the bar area and serve it to your fellow
Spankers. This is our gift to ourselves. It adds a great social and gastronomical dimension to the village. Plus, with this going on all
week, you hardly need to eat much more during the week!
DOMS AND DANCERS
Our name is “Spanky’s” and yet we are still in desperate need of Slaves, Masters and Mistresses! It is fun and easy to work the bondage
wall. There will be training available for novices throughout the week (just let APJ know when you want a primer in the use of the
equipment). Sign up for one of these sexy shifts… I’ll bet you’ll like it. Masks and sunglasses available for plausible deniability!
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
I need to know if we have any of the following in our village… doctors, nurses, firefighters, EMTs, lawyers or pirates. OK, I don’t need to
know about the pirates, but let me know if you are (or have significant training) in the other fields. I just need to know in case of an
emergency.
TRAVEL INFO
Interstate 80 is under serious construction going from Auburn, California to the Nevada border. If you can, avoid this section of I-80. It is
very, very narrow in spots and the delays have been really bad. From the Bay Area (or Sacramento) you can switch over to Hwy 50 and go
through Lake Tahoe, then down to Carson City, then north to Reno (or continue west on 50 to Fallon). Coming from Southern Cali, take 95
or 395 rather than I-5. If the construction situation changes, I will let everyone know.
UPON ARRIVING AT SPANKY’S
When you get to Burningman, let the Greeters know that you’re with a placed theme camp called “Spanky’s Village” at 8:30 and
Esplanade. They will point you in the right direction. Then drink some water. When you get to Spanky’s, park temporarily and find the
“Camp Bitch” for the day. Then drink some water. This person will locate your camping site in the village. They will also give you a
“welcome pack” with lots of info and goodies inside. Read all the info before you start setting up your camp. Then drink some water.
Then get your personal camp set up. Then drink some water.
Seeing a trend here… while you are at Bman, drink lots and lots of water, deeply, often. And remember, beer is not water, soda is not
water, wine is not water, vodka IS water ;)
THE ULTIMATE BURNINGMAN PACKING LIST
By now you may have a pile of stuff forming in your garage, living room or bedroom… the “Burningman Pile”. Be sure to check the packing
list on the website. Many people contributed to this list over the years. It’s pretty damn good. Plus it reminds you of the things you need
that are specific to your experience at Spanky’s. It’s here: http://www.jimhillas.org/packinglist.html
STUFF WE STILL NEED
Here is a list of things that we are on the lookout for… either free
or dirt cheap:
> Somebody that’s bringing a vehicle with a trailer hitch to haul a trailer full of stuff from Mayor Joey’s to the playa on Friday before the event
and back on Monday after the event
> Bar Stools, Bar Stools, Bar Stools (please send your stool samples to APJ)
> Chairs, pillows, cushions for the bar area
> Paper drinking cups (one or two gazillion)
> Fabric
> Orange “trash fencing” and T-stakes
> A new drug… one that does what it should!
That’s all for this issue!
Thanks for playing along,
APJ
“Yer f*ckin’ doin’ it wrong!”
Only 20 days til Burning Man (or less!!!)
(or 480 hours or 28,000 minutes or 1.72 million shakes of
a drunken lemur’s tail… give or take)
Prologue: (a mean, nasty, wicked note from Admiral Painjoy)
Well kids, we’re down to it now. Getting excited yet?!? Only mere days left, and yet sooooo many of you haven’t completed the few simple
requirements that we needed you to have been done weeks or months ago:
> Read the info on the website
> Sign up
> Pay dues
> Select work shifts
> Email a pic for your name badge
> Join the Yahoo group (optional, but recommended)
> Purchase a village medallion (optional, but they are sooo cool)
> Swear your undying love to me (optional, but highly not recommended).
Everyone is required to do these things. All of these things are important! There are good reasons for them all. They benefit you. Don’t
be afraid to go to the website and fill out the sign-up form. You won’t be secretly enlisted to serve in Iraq… we’re not doing that again this
year.
Seriously though, by not doing these things (or procrastinating) you are making the month of August a living hell for me. I NEED to have all
this stuff done by ALL of you by this weekend!
And speaking of the website… please, please, please don’t email me with questions until you have first check the website for the answer!
I worked really hard to make the website very user friendly and comprehensive. My time is so valuable to me/us right now. I have been
spending hours every night emailing responses to questions that are easily answered on the site, http://www.jimhillas.
org/spankyswinebar.html
Please, read it, learn it, do it. (Please.)
In this month’s infomercial (which should be read whilst naked, drinking a single malt and listening to Tom Waits “Get Behind the Mule”):
> Bman Placement
> Early Arrivals
> Village Placement and Map
> Fantabulous Village Medallions
> Work and Party Weekend (Skunkworks) Aug 14-16
> New Village Events, Attraction and Camp
> Bar Music (be the DJ)
> Wine and More Wine
> Appetizers
> Doms and Dancers
> Is There a Doctor in the House?
> Travel Info
> Upon Arrival at Spanky’s Village
> The Ultimate Bman Packing List
> Stuff we still need
BMAN PLACEMENT
You probably heard by now… we got the Esplanade again baby!!!! Our playa address is 8:30 and Esplanade (we are on the corner of 8:30
closest to center camp). Our Esplanade frontage is 150’ (same as last year) and our village extends back to the “A” street… however, due
to a strange series of events, we are not a rectangle, like last year. The lower-right corner of the rectangle belongs to one of our neighbors
and it is 100’ wide by 150’ deep. Our footprint is more like an upside-down “L”. But we also have been given an “overflow” area on “8:30
and Adapt” and it is 150’ by 150’. We are going to utilize this extra space for parking un-needed trucks, trailers, cars, etc. and also for
people who want to camp as far from the Esplanade as possible, but still be in the village. I will place my personal 5kw generator on the
“back lot” so that campers there can have power when they want it. Camping in the “back lot” is voluntary. I will only place you there if you
want me to, (or if you displease me.)
EARLY ARRIVALS
We have 18 early arrival passes for Bman. These are reserved exclusively for village members who are showing up early to help build the
village. The earlier you can make it out to Mayor Joey’s (or to the event), the better your chances of getting an early arrival pass. Here is the
game plan. I will be going to Mayor Joey’s (in Fallon, NV) on the Tuesday before Bman begins. We will take care of last minute
construction, load-preparations, etc. On Thursday, I will be going to the ‘playa’ (where the bman event happens) with one Spanker to get
my personal stuff set up and to survey and map the village on site. Thursday through Friday morning, Mayor Joey and any early arrivals will
finish prep and load the trucks. Friday morning, the trucks (and ensuing caravan) will head up to the playa. Fri/Sat/Sun before the event
will be spent setting up the village. We will be working day and night. It will be tough, but we will work smart. Early arrivals that screw-off
or vanish during set-up will be executed on the spot. Here is a link to a video that shows what to expect during set-up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI
Email me if you want to be considered for an early arrival pass. But be prepared to work.
VILLAGE PLACEMENT AND MAP
I will have the first version of our village map up on the website soon. Then everyone can cry and scream a bit… then shortly after that, I
will have the second version posted. In the meantime, if you have any special, oversized, personal placement needs within Spanky’s
Village, let me know. If you have a large camping tent or carport, there is no need to tell me. If you have something bigger than 10’x20’ let
me know.
I will also need to know about RVs. Each RV, pick a leader, then have that leader email me a list of who is in the RV. If your RV doesn’t
have an internal generator, you will need to park near the middle of the village (closer to the village generator). If your RV does have an
internal gennie, please use it. There will be access for RV servicing for all RVs that want it. If you don’t anticipate needing black/grey water
service, let me know. For more info on RVs in Spanky’s, go to http://www.jimhillas.org/infrastructure.html
Also, despite my objections to the idea, I will do my best to keep camps together… under one condition… (see here for my reasoning for
the objections: http://www.jimhillas.org/guidelines.html ).
The condition is this… please don’t spend your free time only hanging out with your camp in your section of the village. An important
aspect of joining a village is the social interaction of the camps. The bar and BASS are our hub… our hang out… our lounge… our civic
center. Spend time socializing with everyone there. We spent over $2000.00 on a new Big Ass Shade Structure, let’s enjoy it.
FANTABULOUS VILLAGE MEDALLIONS AND NECKLACES
The deadline for purchasing medallions has been extended. I purchased a bunch of them out of my own pocket. They are available until
they run out. They are $8.00 each. See this page for more details: http://www.jimhillas.org/medallion.html
Email Mayor Joey regarding necklaces: akadweeb@aol.com
SKUNKWORKS (SPANKY’S WORK/PARTY WEEKEND)
Our final, official Skunkworks weekend is Aug 14-16. If you live on the west side of America, please make every effort to come help us.
There will be all kinds of work to do… something for everyone. Saturday night, we will have a bonfire and party down. The party theme will
be “The Wild Wild West”. Bring a costume if’n ya wanna!
MajorD is looking for a Spanker or two to share gas expenses from Southern Cali. Email Doug at DougL@FEDSPECS.com if you want to
catch a ride with him. Carmen and Pooch are driving from the South Bay Area… same deal: Barcardia@aol.com
NEW VILLAGE EVENTS, ATTRACTION AND CAMP
Many of you remember Ryan (aka RpW) from last year… he lived behind the bar most of the late nights! He is back with Spanky’s again
this year and he has brought his girlfriend and a bunch of Brits with him. They are Camp Chrysalis. More info here: http://www.jimhillas.
org/villagecamps.html
And Mystic is throwing another hat into the ring with “The Purpose Circus”. Open Tues-Fri in the afternoons, the PC will be a place to find
yourself and your place in this crazy world. What’s your purpose? Find out.
And new events!
Ramona Mayhem and Mystic will host “Hoop Soup” on Mon 4-6pm
Stoke will be hosting a St. Tropez Beach party on Tues at 11:30am at the bar
Wed at Sunset the NautiBus will come by Spanky’s for a Deep Playa Art tour
And the pretentious, conceited bastards and bitches of “a Small World” will take over the Bar on Thursday from 8-9pm and look down their
noses at us mere mortals! ;)
More details of these events here: http://www.jimhillas.org/events.html
BAR MUSIC
Bring your iPods, mp3 players, CDs (copies, not originals) with you to Bman. You may get to be DJ at the bar for a while. However,
management reserves the right to veto music that sucks.
WINE, WINE AND MORE WINE
Please remember that everyone is required to bring a case of wine to Spanky’s. Charles Shaw (aka “two buck chuck”) cab and chard are
really cheap and drink well. This contribution applies to everyone in Spanky’s Village. After all, we are a wine bar. This is our main gift, as
a village, to the citizens of Black Rock City. More details about this here: http://www.jimhillas.org/guidelines.html
APPETIZERS
Many people are curious about our “appetizer” program. Here’s the deal. Everyone in the village brings/makes an appetizer at some point
during the week. It should be enough to serve approximately 20 people. You bring it up to the bar area and serve it to your fellow
Spankers. This is our gift to ourselves. It adds a great social and gastronomical dimension to the village. Plus, with this going on all
week, you hardly need to eat much more during the week!
DOMS AND DANCERS
Our name is “Spanky’s” and yet we are still in desperate need of Slaves, Masters and Mistresses! It is fun and easy to work the bondage
wall. There will be training available for novices throughout the week (just let APJ know when you want a primer in the use of the
equipment). Sign up for one of these sexy shifts… I’ll bet you’ll like it. Masks and sunglasses available for plausible deniability!
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
I need to know if we have any of the following in our village… doctors, nurses, firefighters, EMTs, lawyers or pirates. OK, I don’t need to
know about the pirates, but let me know if you are (or have significant training) in the other fields. I just need to know in case of an
emergency.
TRAVEL INFO
Interstate 80 is under serious construction going from Auburn, California to the Nevada border. If you can, avoid this section of I-80. It is
very, very narrow in spots and the delays have been really bad. From the Bay Area (or Sacramento) you can switch over to Hwy 50 and go
through Lake Tahoe, then down to Carson City, then north to Reno (or continue west on 50 to Fallon). Coming from Southern Cali, take 95
or 395 rather than I-5. If the construction situation changes, I will let everyone know.
UPON ARRIVING AT SPANKY’S
When you get to Burningman, let the Greeters know that you’re with a placed theme camp called “Spanky’s Village” at 8:30 and
Esplanade. They will point you in the right direction. Then drink some water. When you get to Spanky’s, park temporarily and find the
“Camp Bitch” for the day. Then drink some water. This person will locate your camping site in the village. They will also give you a
“welcome pack” with lots of info and goodies inside. Read all the info before you start setting up your camp. Then drink some water.
Then get your personal camp set up. Then drink some water.
Seeing a trend here… while you are at Bman, drink lots and lots of water, deeply, often. And remember, beer is not water, soda is not
water, wine is not water, vodka IS water ;)
THE ULTIMATE BURNINGMAN PACKING LIST
By now you may have a pile of stuff forming in your garage, living room or bedroom… the “Burningman Pile”. Be sure to check the packing
list on the website. Many people contributed to this list over the years. It’s pretty damn good. Plus it reminds you of the things you need
that are specific to your experience at Spanky’s. It’s here: http://www.jimhillas.org/packinglist.html
STUFF WE STILL NEED
Here is a list of things that we are on the lookout for… either free
or dirt cheap:
> Somebody that’s bringing a vehicle with a trailer hitch to haul a trailer full of stuff from Mayor Joey’s to the playa on Friday before the event
and back on Monday after the event
> Bar Stools, Bar Stools, Bar Stools (please send your stool samples to APJ)
> Chairs, pillows, cushions for the bar area
> Paper drinking cups (one or two gazillion)
> Fabric
> Orange “trash fencing” and T-stakes
> A new drug… one that does what it should!
That’s all for this issue!
Thanks for playing along,
APJ
“Yer f*ckin’ doin’ it wrong!”