Spanky's Wine Bar - 10 Year Anniversary  
“We tried so hard to be adults, but just look at us... just fucking look!!!"
The Paddler
The monthly newsletter for Spanky's Wine Bar
The Paddler
The Monthly Newsletter for Spanky’s Wine Bar
May 2017
10 year anniversary edition
(collectable!)

Only 17 weeks until Burning Man…
(That’s 119 days, or 2856 hours, or 171,360 minutes, or 10,281,600 seconds, give or take)


In this issue
…which should be read while listening to Alicyn Pickard’s “The Pinky Song”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1vDSuWgpeo

-        The Admiral’s Rant
-        Recap of 2016
-        A DOZEN changes for this year:
o        1- Our 10 year anniversary!
o        2- Requesting Off-Esplanade placement
o        3- The Return of PlayaQ
o        4- SWB/Bman Ticket Maven
o        5- Saturday Village Break-down
o        6- Attractions/Bar Shuts Down at 2am
o        7- Workshifts
o        8- Camp Bitches
o        9- More Organized Construction Team
o        10- RVs (A/C & Microwave Restrictions)
o        11- Restructuring & Empowering SWB Management Team
o        12- APJ has fun this year…. yay
-        Events Schedule
-        Work/Party Weekends
-        Fourth of Juplaya
-        SWB Management Team

WELCOME TO SPANKY’S-2017! <<insert fanfare>>  
I’m sorry for the delay in releasing the 1st newsletter.  I’m also sorry for the length of this issue, but there’s a lot for us to talk about.
But, as usual, I like to start our newsletter on a negative note ;)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mid5WGwD7Gs
THE ADMIRAL’S RANT
And this month’s rant is a serious one.  It has to do with the future of Spanky’s.  Many of you ask me, “How can I help you with Spanky’s
stuff?”  Here’s the BEST way…

Every year, I spend over 1000 hours on Spanky’s and Bman (consider that a simple work-week is 40 hours… and 1000 hours comes into
perspective).  But here’s the thing… roughly half of that time is spent on unnecessary things!  You guys could trim up to 500 hours off of my
workload if you simply did these 3 things;
1-        Carefully and thoroughly read the newsletters and emails (and follow instructions).
2-        Read the info on the website.  It changes every year.
3-        Respond to emails/voicemails/msgs promptly

If everyone did that, you would be helping me (and Spanky’s) tremendously.  The newsletters and the website are the BARE MINIMUM
required readings for you.  I spend hundreds of hours answering questions and solving problems that could have been avoided by you
guys merely reading (not scanning) the newsletters, and doing the few things we ask of everyone.  Please don’t make me chase you down
and hound you… (namebadge pics, camp dues, sign-ups, responses to requests, etc)

Many of you don’t realize the “economy of scale” that I deal with at Spanky’s.  We have hundreds of members.  If 50% of you slack off on a
particular item (signing up on the website, for example)… that’s as many as 200 follow-ups I have to do.  If each of those follow-ups are
only 12 minutes of my time, that would be as much as 40 hours, wasted (an entire work-week!).  And this happens waaaaaaay too often.

Last year was a tough one for me (and most of the senior staff at SWB).  Let’s make this year go smoothly, easily, and FUN-ly.  You can
start by carefully reading this edition of The Paddler.  It’s chock-full of new info… including announcements regarding some new SWB
Management Staff members.  Please afford them the same consideration (read all of their emails carefully, and get back to them promptly)

This rant doesn’t apply to all of you.  Some of you read everything - and you’re diligent, considerate and thoughtful… Thank you!  I love you
and want to have your babies!  

ALSO, in an attempt to reduce my annual workload (and save my sanity), I am delegating more of my tasks to some amazing Spankers
this year.  There will be a “learning curve” during the training periods.  Please be patient and understanding with these awesome
volunteers.


RECAP OF SWB-2016
While last year was, yet another, successful year for Spanky’s, it was a year fraught with problems.  Many of these problems were beyond
our control (rental truck breakdowns, generator problems, Chairway to Heaven tower delays, being placed next to Large Scale Sound, APJ
getting sick, etc).  Every long-standing camp at Bman has had a year of logistical bad luck.  Last year was ours.  And it’s a testament to the
hard-core work, dedication, and creativity of many Spankers, that we were able to prevail in the face of so many setbacks.  Many SWB
members truly went the extra mile to make sure the Village was an overall success.  For that, I thank you.

However, there were a lot of problems that could have been avoided last year.  Most of these problems were caused by Spankers being
unprepared, ill-informed, poorly trained,  lazy, or debilitated (due to partying all night, and certain, ahem, “extra-curricular activities”).  Let’s
lay-off the extra-curricular activities this year… know what I mean?  Mmmmm-kay?

As for the rest… here are some changes for 2017…

A DOZEN CHANGES THIS YEAR
1-        Spanky’s 10th Year!  (and Admiral PainJoy’s 20th)
2017 is an auspicious year for Spanky’s!  (and for me)  My first Burn was in 1998, so this will be my 20th Burn.  And I founded Spanky’s
Wine Bar in 2007/2008, so this will be our 10th year at Burning Man.  We will have some cool schwag this year too!  (Cool commemorative
T-shirts, 22k-Gold-Plated Medallions, etc.)

We are also inviting all the old-timers from APJ’s years/camps past (Glom, PlayaQ, early-SWB).  So it will be cool to have the newer to
meet the older, and swap stories, make fun of each other, act Burnier-than-thou, etc… oh think of the fun!

We are expecting Spanky’s Village to be home to 300-350 Spankers this year.  We had over 200 signed up in February!  That’s
unprecedented.  Just think of all the awesome trouble we can get into with that many kinky loons ;)

2-        Off-Esplanade placement this year
Here’s the back-story…
A few years ago, the Bman Org made a new rule.  All camps on the Esplanade had to be child-friendly… or have a 6’ tall privacy fence to
shield adult activities from all Burners walking along the Esplanade.  Spanky’s did the privacy-fence thing for a couple years, but we hated
it.  So we decided to move off-Esplanade.  

Last year, we tried an experiment.  We asked to be placed on the Esplanade again, stating that only our child-friendly attractions/camps
would be on the Esplanade, and our Wine Bar (and other adult activities) would be placed on the “A” street.  Well, two problems arose…
1-        We wound up not having enough child-friendly stuff to fill-out our Esplanade frontage…child friendly doesn’t seem to  be our strong
suit ;)   And we got such a late start on our early-build (due to trucks breaking down, etc), that we didn’t even get our Esplanade stuff
completed until mid-week.
2-        Since we were listed on the Bman map, and in the WhatWhereWhen Guide, as “Spanky’s @ 2:30 & Esplanade”, many Burners
looked for the Wine Bar on that corner, and didn’t find us there.  Then they continued on their way along the Esplanade, thinking that SWB
didn’t show up to Bman, for some reason.  Most didn’t walk down toward “A” street to find us.
So this year, we are asking Bman Placement to move Spanky’s back into the city.  Partly for the reasons above, but also because we are
going to have such a huge population, the Esplanade wouldn’t be big enough for us.  So we are requesting a full city block this year in the
“C to D” street area, in the 7:30 area of BRC.  No promises that we will get that, but that’s what we asked for.

The “C to D” street blocks are the closest ones to the Esplanade which could accommodate our big population, this year.  A couple years
ago, we had over a half a block on C/D, and it was good.  And yes, that is the block with the port-o-potties… but as we learned 2 years ago,
that block didn’t smell bad (like we thought it would) and we got TONS of customers!

3-        FinalQ  
The History of Soss Boss and The PlayaQ-

Last year, I (we) lost a good friend.  Alex Steneck (aka Soss Boss) passed away.  Those of you who have been with Spanky's from the
beginning (or were with us back in the days of the conGLOMerate village) probably remember Soss Boss and the PlayaQ.  The PlayaQ
started out as our camp "kitchen/restaurant" back in 2003, in "The Glom".  Then it grew into a camp of it's own.  The PlayaQ became a bit of
a legend at Burning Man.  We are re-creating the PlayaQ this year, in Spanky's, as an homage to our lost friend... and we are calling it
"Final-Q".  

The PlayaQ had 3 main components, all of which, we will be doing again in 2017 – under the leadership of “The Sheik" (aka Big Rick) who
was one of Alex’s close friends, and co-founder of the PlayaQ.  Soss & The Sheik recruited a few top-managers (also Alex's close friends -
all of whom are returning for Final-Q) to create these 3 components...

A -      The “Rock Star Dinner” is a VIP, invite-only, gourmet, multi-course, themed dinner.  
This exquisite dinner is a gift to the VIPs of Bman.  It is not a dinner FOR the PlayaQ members or FOR Spanky’s Village members.  We are
the ones who create it, host it, and work it…
but those who DO volunteer to work at this dinner usually get some awesome treats.

It is a sit-down meal, served by costumed or black tie wait-staff and maître-de.  There are performances, art, and music during the event.  
There are concubines (and “concubones”) who offer massage, foot-rubs/foot-baths to the guests.  And a professional sommelier provides
fine wines.  

The Rock Star Dinner is produced/managed by Reverend Smoke (aka Bryan) with the assistance of Chef Pimp (aka Evan). Reverend
Smoke (The Rev) is a BBQ artist and scientist who regularly competes in BBQ challenges around the country.  And he wins them often!   
Chef Pimp is an executive chef from the SF Bay Area.  He used to be a chef for celebrities such as Madonna, Bob Dylan, and The Grateful
Dead, when they toured.  This year, The Rev will be taking the lead for one final Rock Star Dinner, themed to celebrate the life of Soss
Boss.  The Rock Star Dinners rivaled meals you would get at a "Michelin Star" rated restaurant… and we do it on the playa!

This year, the theme for the Rock Star Dinner is "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe" (ala Douglas
Adams).  This theme is an homage to one of Soss Boss's unfulfilled dreams of creating a crazy gourmet restaurant at Bman, way out in
deep-playa.  The Rock Star Dinner will happen on Friday evening this year, followed by a procession out to The Temple.  

We will need a big team of Spankers to staff this event.  Job descriptions coming soon.

B -      The “Chapel of Smoke”, which is a gourmet BBQ food giveaway with music and fire performances.  This event is for anyone and
everyone... including all Q-sters and Spankers!   

Burners were always lined-up around the block for this amazing buffet of Bacchanalia.   The Chapel of Smoke will happen on Saturday
(burn day), led by Reverend Smoke... followed by the burning of the big "Q" on open playa.  The burning of the “Q” will signal the final
retirement of our beloved PlayaQ.  The Rev may need some assistance with this event.  Job descriptions coming soon.

C -      The “Carne Armada”, is run by Chef Pimp and “yours truly”, Admiral Painjoy.  (As a matter of fact, Soss Boss is the one who gave me
the name “Admiral Painjoy” many years ago, when he conscripted me into service as the leader of the first Carne Armada… before then, I
was Doctor Painjoy.)

The Carne Armada is a top-secret “attack” on another (well deserving) camp/group at Burningman.  The camp/group doesn't know that the
“attack” is coming (except for one spy/confidant that I pre-arranged, who helps me coordinate and ensure that all are present at the
prescribed time).  We descend-upon the “victim’s” camp in our ships (art cars) with Flight of the Valkyries blasting.  I announce over our PA
system, as we approached, that they were under attack from the Carne Armada.  And we proceed to throw an amazing party for the
victims.  We lavish them with gourmet food, wine/champagne/shots, masseuses, music, performers, dancers, etc.  

And after 30 minutes of pampering and entertainment, we (almost instantly) pack-up and vanish into the open playa… as quickly and
mysteriously as we showed up, leaving no trace that we were ever there.  Leaving the camp/group reeling in satiated pleasure, and
wondering “did that just happen?!”  

The DPW, Media Mecca, Flaming Lotus Girls, BRC Rangers, and Kamp Katrina (now called Burners Without Borders) are just some of the
camps/groups that we have “attacked” in the past.  We have already selected the camp/group that will be attacked this year… but it shall
remain TOP SECRET until the moment it occurs.  The Carne Armada is tentatively scheduled for Thursday afternoon.

4-        SWB/Bman Ticket Maven – Red Queen
In last weeks email, I introduced you all to our new “Ticket Maven”, Amanda (aka Red Queen).  With my help, she will be handing all things
related to Bman tickets, for the rest of the year.  She has the current list of everyone who needs a ticket, is selling tickets, who purchased tix
in the DGS vs Main Sale, etc.  By the end of this weekend, Red Queen and I will pair up all the buyers with sellers… so if you have spare tix,
don’t fret, we will be sending you an email soon.  

She will also be posting info about strategies for finding tickets, over the next few months.  And the dangers of buying tix on
Craigslist/StubHub.  And info about the OMG Last Chance Sale at the end of July.

If you still need a Bman ticket (and have not told me or Red Queen)… or if you have tix for sale (and have not told us about it yet)… please
email her (and CC me)
ashcraaj@yahoo.com and jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com


5-        Saturday break-down
For the past ump-teen years, we have done our village breakdown on Sunday, and our final load-up and MOOPing on Monday.  And for the
past ump-teen years, half of the village has left before all the work is done.  This is EXTREMELY unfair to those who stay until the end.  

But also, many Spankers have complained that they need to leave the playa on Sunday night, so they can catch flights or get back to
work… that’s fine.

So this year, we will be breaking down camp on Saturday.  We will have our infamous “Swine Bar” party on Saturday (night instead of
Sunday night).  And we will do our final load-up and MOOPing on Sunday.  We will have our traditional “Last Supper” on Sunday early-
afternoon.  We will be ready to depart the playa on Sunday night.

A few people can stay until Monday (or even Tuesday) if they wish to… but the village will be immaculate come Sunday night.  But those
who stay until Mon/Tue will have to do a final MOOP-sweep after they pack-up and MOOP their own areas.  They will also make a video
recording of the property just before departure.

6-        The Bar shuts down at 2am this year
For the following reasons;
A-        We waste a lot of money every year by “going over” on our allotted hours on the generator rental.  Shutting down at 2am instead of
4am will cut costs.
B-        I have never heard of anything wonderful happening at SWB between 2am and 4am… however, bad stuff tends to happen then
C-        There are plenty of other bars to see at Bman.  If you absolutely need to party past 2am… find one of them.  Make some new friends.
D-        Maybe if we shut down a couple hours earlier, we will all feel a little better in the mornings
E-        You can always continue drinking at your personal camping area, if you must continue.

7-        Sign-ups for WorkShifts – Cleopatra
We loosely call them “workshifts” or “jobs”, because most of them are really fun!  Spankers are asked to do a minimum of 12 hrs of
workshifts over the course of the event.  You can do all 12 hours in one day (not recommended) or spread them out over a couple/few days.

Many years ago, we had a structured workshift schedule at Spanky’s, for all the jobs (and Camp Bitches, to make sure you showed up for
your shifts).  A few years ago, I got talked into utilizing “the honor system” rather than having structured workshifts.  This worked fairly well
the first year we did it, but over the past 5 years, it has become a disaster… Spankers haven’t been holding up their end of the bargain.

So this year we are going back to the workshift schedule.  Structure & Discipline dammit!...after all, we are Spanky’s ;)    Spankers will sign-
up for workshifts, on the interwebz, starting VERY soon.  There is a listing of “jobs” and “job descriptions” on the SWB website (http://www.
jimhillas.org/workshifts.html).  You will be able to see which shifts are available prior to signing up.  The earlier you sign up, the better your
odds of getting the time-slots you want.

Cleopatra (aka Gabrielle) will be our new “Workshift Coordinator”.  She will be able to assist you in choosing the right jobs and times.  She
can also answer questions and/or put you in touch with the proper Spanky’s Specialist to answer any questions you might have about
certain jobs.  You can contact her at: gabcarrelli@aol.com

This year, the goal is to have everyone be better prepared to do the things we need you to do, during the event.  Having a clear
understanding of the job, makes it easier and more fun.  And many hands make light work!

8-        More Camp Bitches
Camp Bitches are the daily Supervisors in Spanky’s Village.  They are the Gods and Goddesses who make sure you show up for your
workshifts, stay safe/healthy, solve problems, answer questions, work in conjunction with SWB senior staff.  Being a Camp Bitch is a
tough job.  You can make their job easier by showing up for your workshifts on time, and sober, and by not being a knucklehead.

In recent years, we had eLeM & Wheezy alternating days of being Camp Bitch.  This year, with the reinstatement of the workshift schedule,
we are going to have many, many more Camp Bitches…because the job is more difficult.  You can identify the daily Camp Bitch by the
orange safety vest that they wear, while on duty.

Each day there are 2 Camp Bitch shifts;  Daytime 10am-6pm & Nighttime 6pm-2am.  There will be different Camp Bitches for every
shift/day.  Sometimes there will be co-Camp Bitches during one shift (usually couples, like Dixon & Sam… or Whisper & Jen… or Dr. Dave
& Dr. Steve, who we all know are secretly in love)

9-        A More Organized Construction Team
The SWB Construction Team is our equivalent of the DPW.  They build, paint, organize, maintain, etc. at the Work/Party weekends prior to
Bman (and after).  They load/unload before and after the event.  They do the early-build on the playa.  And they maintain our equipment and
attractions during the event.

Raven (aka BillDave, aka Liam) is the head of the SWB Construction Team.  If you listed any skills that are useful to the SWB-CT, you can
expect Raven to contact you to figure out how you can best help Spanky’s.  Raven also co-leads the Work/Party weekends at the
Skunkworks (Donny’s & Val’s ranch in Sacramento), with me.

10-        RV A/C restrictions
Our population is nearly doubling this year.  And last year, we had already exceeded the limits of our generator and power grid.  So this
year, we are increasing our generator size and increasing the power grid.  But even with these expensive upgrades, rules need to be
enforced….

Full power (from our SWB power grid) for RVs has never been something promised or provided by Spanky’s… our website (infrastructure
page) has always reflected this fact.  Part of the reason our camp dues are low (compared to other big camps), is that we don’t provide
50amp power to every RV.  Generators and a power grid of that magnitude would make our camp dues dramatically higher!

RVs are allowed to plug into the grid, but not for high-power usage.  It’s fine to have your RVs lights, water-pumps, refrigerator, etc. running
on the SWB power-grid…  But running your air conditioners and microwave ovens exceeds the limits of our power grid.  If you want to run
your A/C, you should use your on-board generator (or bring your own portable gennie).

Nights are cool enough at Bman that you don’t need your A/C to sleep.  So the only times you’ll need A/C during the day, is if you’re
sleeping-in for a couple extra hours, or taking a mid-day cat-nap.  And as long as you’re not doing this for too long… every day, your RV
should have enough fuel to support these needs.  (Read: Don’t be a Sparkle Pony).  Also, consider using portable fans.

Besides… staying up all night and sleeping all day is LAME!  Getting to bed before 2am is what all the cool kids are doing this year!  
Having no hangover is great…and you’ll enjoy Bman/Spanky’s much more!

If your RV ABSOLUTELY MUST have dedicated power 24/7, we can probably do this for you.  But we need to know very soon, and it could
be expensive (as we will have to rent or fabricate additional power equipment for you).

11-        SWB Management Team – More advance planning/organization/preparedness
Since the beginning of Spanky’s, each Spanker has been required to “sign-up” on the SWB website.  During this sign-up, you provide
information that I have used to help with your planning, organize the village, select and manage leaders, keep you safe, etc.

But the village is getting sooo big that I just can’t do it myself any more.  So certain bits of the info from your sign-ups is being shared with
some of the SWB Management Team, on an “as needed” basis.  We started this last year… and this year we have it much more organized.

What does this mean to you?  
You will be better prepared for Bman and Spanky’s this year!  After you sign-up for your workshifts, you may be contacted by certain
members of SWB Management.  They will give you detailed info on the things you’ve volunteer for.  They will make sure you know what the
jobs entail, perhaps give you some training – pre-Bman, send you salient info, etc.  

Also, Managers might contact you before you sign-up for workshifts… in an effort to recruit your talented ass onto their team (based on the
skills/job you listed when you signed-up to camp at Spanky’s)

Also, based on your sign-up, you job, skills, and my knowledge of you… you may be contacted by other members of SWB Management for
things like work/party weekends, early build, etc.

We’re doing this for three good reasons;
A-        So that everyone knows what they’re doing, and can “hit the playa running”
B-        So that everyone has more free time to enjoy Spanky’s and Bman
C-        So that our customers at Spanky’s have a fun/safe time while visiting us

12-        THE MOST IMPORTANT NEW THING…….. APJ is going to have fun this year
Last year kinda sucked for me.  This year won’t.  This year will be nothing but unicorns and rainbows!  Understand?  Unicorns and
rainbows, dammit!  ;)


EVENTS SCHEDULE
Our tentative schedule of events is now posted on the SWB website.  Nothing is set in stone yet, but it sure does look like we’ve got a good
line-up starting.
http://www.jimhillas.org/events.html

If you’d like to play some music, there are still some daytime DJ slots available (contact DJ Dirty Dan at:  djdirtydan@gmail.com).  You don’
t need to be a pro-DJ to play at Spanky’s.  You can merely create a 2 hour playlist and plug in!  However, if your music is not drawing a
crowd (or worse, scaring the crowd away), we reserve the right to eject your bad-taste-in-music ass outta the booth ;)

If you have an idea for some kind of other event at SWB, let me know.  Please check the existing schedule first though, to avoid conflicts.


WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS
At the moment, we have 2 work/party weekends scheduled.  August 18-20 (pre-bman) and Sept 8-10 (post-bman).  We may add one more
at the end of June… not sure yet.

Work/Party Weekends are held in Sacramento (at Donny & Vals ranch).  During these events, we build and maintain our equipment, paint
stuff, organize, clean, etc.

There is space for tent camping.  We have room for some RVs.  You should bring drinking water, sunscreen, work clothes, work gloves,
snacks, and some money for dinners.  Spanky’s provides coffee and donuts/etc for breakfast…pizza or fast food for lunch… and we
usually all go out for a decent dinner on Friday and Saturday nights.  Nights are spent with campfire, music, drinking and general
shenanigans.

There’s something for everyone to do.  It’s not all carpentry, welding and heavy lifting.  We need all skill-sets at our work/party weekends!  
And lots of work happens with our sound system and power grid.  Liam (head of SWB Construction Team) will be in touch with you in the
upcoming weeks, to recruit you into the fun, if you live in CA/NV.


4th of Juplaya
This is not an official event.  It is not related to Bman.  It’s just “groups of friends” who love the Black Rock Desert and want to camp there
over 4th of July weekend (Fri-Tue  June 30-July 4  this year).  One of those “groups of friends” is from Spanky’s!

We set up a very small version of SWB on the playa (at the exact spot where The Man will be built a few weeks later).   We bring a 20’x20’
tent, a bar, small sound system, wine/beer, sexy toys, and a few other things.

Everyone is on their own for food (although some of us plan/cook/eat in groups).  Also, there are no port-o-potties out there, so bring a
bucket/trash bags/kitty litter to create a makeshift toilet.  You can also drive to Bruno’s to use the bathroom there.

While 4th of Juplaya is attended mostly by Burners, and it does have a bit of a Bman feel to it… it’s quite different.  And in my opinion, it’s
just as much fun as Bman itself.  If I had to choose between Bman or 4th of Juplaya, it would be a tough choice.

Here’s some details on “Juplaya”:
1-        There are no tickets.  It’s a non-event.  It’s free (except we all pitch in $50-ish for SWB beer/wine/supplies).
2-        It encompasses the whole playa!  Everyone camps in small groups/camps/clusters around the massive expanse of the Black Rock
Desert.  We avoid camping in big groups.  We keep it below 50 people per camp to ensure that the BLM doesn’t consider this a festival or
“permit-requiring” event.  It’s a “non-event”.
3-        You can come-and-go as you please.  Wanna head to Bruno’s for breakfast?… jump in your vehicle and go.  There is no gate or
greeters… just wide-open playa
4-        You can drive on the playa… fast.  But be very, very cautious when doing so.  It seems that every year somebody crashes/rolls a
vehicle out there.
5-        During the daytimes, we relax in camp, or we head over to Frog Pond (on the edge of the playa) to skinny-dip, hang out in the shade,
tell stories, drink, relax, etc.  Sometimes we go explore remote areas of the playa.  (There are canyons, geysers, other hot springs)
6-        At night, most people party-hop.  Drive from camp to camp (your nearest neighbor might be 2 miles away… a dot on the horizon).  
Spanky’s usually has at least one big party-night… and it’s very popular amongst the Juplaya folks.  Some Burners bring their art cars to
Juplaya.  Some other themecamps attend as well.
7-        There’s fireworks!  The town of Gerlach sometimes does a fireworks show.  Plus many people bring out fireworks.  If you do, you
MUST exercise safety, and clean up ALL the MOOP afterward.  We want Juplaya to last for many years, so we are just as diligent about
MOOPing as we are at Bman.
8-        There’s a shooting range!  Near Frog Pond, there is a make-shift shooting range for those who want to do some target practice with
their rifles, handguns, etc.  Again, follow ALL safety protocols, and MOOP your casings afterward.
9-        You get to experience the true nature of the desert and the surrounding mountains and wilderness, without all the hootenanny of
Bman going on all around you… you get to experience THE PLAYA.  A true rite of passage for any Burner.


SWB STAPH
Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC (head mutha fuckka in charge)
 jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com
Major D (Doug) – Camp Engineer & SMFIC (second mutha fukka in charge)
 dougl@fed-specs.com
eLeM (Lisa Marie) – Village Manager & OSMFIC (other second mutha fukka in charge)
 lunar.lemon@gmail.com
Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshifts Coordinator
 gabcarrelli@aol.com
Amanda – Burning Man Ticket Maven
 ashcraaj@yahoo.com
Raven (aka BillDave – aka Liam) – Lead Builder & Erotic Tent Manager
 wmsmith1962@yahoo.com
Christopher Robbin – LNT Coordinator & Spank-O-Matic Specialist
 crbooth@martianwind.com
Lady Raven (Rachel) & Nima – Bar Managers
 rachel.hundley@gmail.com
 nimashemirani@gmail.com
DocMoc – Camp Doctor
 srfmrt@gmail.com
Olivia (Lazy Bar Slut) & Lady Victoria – Leaders of The MOD Squad
 oliviarosexxx@yahoo.com
 ladyvictorianyc@gmail.com
Blackbird – RV Services Manager (with Amethyst)
 mwharri01@gmail.com
Amethyst – RV-mating and Rideshare coordinator
 izcre8ive@yahoo.com
DJ Dirty Dan – Lead DJ and DJ scheduler
 djdirtydan@gmail.com
Lucky Bastard – Flaming Enema Administrator & Namebadge Guru
 lucky@myluckylife.com
Wheezy – Lead Camp Bitch & Daily Ice Runs & Camp Hippy
 irieburner@gmail.com
Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Manager of Blinky Things
 lightupwire@gmail.com
Scooter – BufferZone Manager & SWB Marketing Director
 samedaysignssouth@gmail.com
Naked Larry – Shower Manager & Latex Vac-U-Bed Specialist
 larryfinley1@yahoo.com

Camp Bitches:
Dr. Steve & Dr. Dave – Sunday day
Calvin & Jen – Sunday night
Paul H & Sam S – Monday day
John M & Josh B – Monday night
Dixon T & Sam N – Tuesday day
Tripp P – Tuesday night
Tate M? & Abby O? – Wednesday day
Wheezy? – Wednesday night
Blake D & Nate S – Thursday day
Karl K? – Thursday night
Steve J? – Friday day
Robert S & Roxy – Friday night
Matt S? – Saturday day
Julien S? – Saturday night


Erotic Performing Arts Team -
Olivia/LadyVictoria/James/Julia/APJ/Raven/Felicity/Ammo/Danielle/Flogging Molly/Twisted

Art Cars:
Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D
Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole) – John M. (Sky)
Zeus-On-The-Loose (giant swan) – Frank (Paco)
The Space Distorter (flying saucer) – Donny S
The Magic Carpet – Twisted
I Cream U Scream (ice cream sundae) - NumNum

Sub-Camp Leaders:
Major-D – Leader of The Camp for Sensual Pleasures
Big Rick (aka The Sheik) – Leader of FinalQ
Dragger & Healer – Leaders of Camp Lola
Scooter & Quantum – Leaders of The Buffer Zone
Donny S – Leader of Stoopid Kamp
Ryan (Lazer) & Michael (Vlam) – Leaders of Illumelodie & Eros Tangere & Laser Dome
Steve & Dave – Playa Penthouse Leaders
The Paddler
The Monthly Newsletter for Spanky’s Wine Bar
June 2017
10 year anniversary edition
(collectable!)

Only 11 weeks until Burning Man…
(That’s 77 days, or 1848 hours, or 110,880 minutes, or 6,652,800 seconds, give or take)


In this issue
…which should be read while listening to School of Seven Bells “Open Your Eyes”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hemIjEd9CYk

-        The Admiral’s Rant
-        The New 2017 – 22k gold plated “10th Anniversary SWB Medallions”
-        Bman Tickets and Car Passes
-        Sign-ups / Camp Dues / Namebadge Pics
-        SWB’s Managers May be Contacting You
-        SWB’s WUSSI is now LIVE
-        Work/Party Weekends
-        RV Stuff
-        4th of Juplaya?
-        Rideshares & RV shares
-        Early Arrival Passes
-        SWB Management Team

THE ADMIRAL’S RANT
“Vouching” for a new Spanker…
New members are the life-blood of Spanky’s.  And we all want Spanky’s Village to be a fun, safe, drama-free place to live and work (and
play) at Bman.  For that reason, I put newbies through a vetting process before they are approved to camp with us.  However, this vetting
process is sometimes bypassed if a current member of the Village is “vouching” for that newbie.

But what does “vouching” for somebody actually mean?
It’s more than just saying, “Yeah, this person is cool and I think they will be a good Spanker”.  Vouching for somebody is a commitment.  It
means that you’re going to shepherd them through the whole process.  That process begins with making sure they read the SWB website,
signing-up, submitting dues and a pic for the namebadge, and answering questions that your newbie-friend might have.

It also means that you’re going to help them with their playa-preparations; like tickets/passes, shopping, packing, travel, costumes,
workshift selections, and making sure they read the newsletters.  It also means talking with them about the desert and the event… making
sure they understand the weather, the importance of hydration, and the impact that certain behaviors (substances) can have on their burn.

Vouching for somebody also means that you’ll keep an eye on them during the event… and help them along, during their first burn at
Spanky’s.  It means that you’re accepting responsibility for their behavior, and most importantly, it means “leading by example”.


THE NEW 2017 – 22K GOLD PLATED “10TH ANNIVERSARY SWB MEDALLIONS”
Our medallions (necklaces) will be gold this year… that right… fuckin gold, muthafukkaaaaaaaa.  
The medallions, this year, are the traditional design, but they are plated with real 22 karat gold (with a protective “over-coating” for long life).  
Happy 10th Anniversary Spankers!

I’ll bet you’re wondering how much MORE it’s gonna cost ya for one of these gold necklaces, huh?  That’s the best part… only $5 more
than the non-gold one’s from last year.  Gold medallions for $25.00!… you’re welcome.

We have a limited supply, so don’t miss the boat.  They’re gonna sell-out fast.  Go to the SWB website and buy yours now!  http://www.
jimhillas.org/schwag.html

I can’t tell you how many times Spankers (on the playa) ask me if there are any necklaces left to purchase.  And I have to tell them that they
are all gone.  And then they cry… like little babies, they cry.  And I have to hug them, and stroke their hair, and tell them that they are pretty… I
don’t have time for this.  Don’t let this happen to you.  They cost $25.00 each.  They are beautiful.  They cure most diseases.  They can be
used to locate true north, or water, or lawyers, or fashionable parties.  And they are guaranteed to get you laid (just ask anyone who has
one).  Quite an amazing deal, huh!?  


BMAN TICKETS AND CAR PASSES
Once again, I say… “Everyone that wants to buy a Bman ticket this year will have that opportunity”.  I say this every year.  And every year, that
statement has been true.  But we all need to do our part to make this statement a reality.

And there’s still plenty of room for more campers in Spanky’s this year… help spread the word.  We are still far short of the numbers
needed to make our budget, and to make all of our events happen, bar operate, toys operate, and so on.  We need more Spankers.  
Encourage friends to join us.  Encourage old-timers to join again this year (for the big 10th Anniversary!)

Once again, there are rumors abounding that there might be a second DGS ticket sale in July.  But I need to know who needs tix!  We are
compiling a list now.  Email me or Amanda (Red Queen) ASAP if you need tix:  jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com or ashcraaj@yahoo.com



SIGN-UPS / CAMP DUES / NAMEBADGE PICS
SIGN-UPS
YES… you have to sign up every year dammit!

If you’re camping in Spanky’s Village, you have to sign-up to be a member of Spanky’s.  This is done on the website:  www.spankyswinebar.
com  (Click the “Sign Up!” button).  This needs to be done EVERY year.  You should do this even if you don’t have a Bman ticket yet, or even
if you haven’t paid your camp dues yet.

Signing up is the only legitimate way of letting us know that you’re camping in Spanky’s Village.  Plus, the info is used for many other
important planning reasons.  If you haven’t done it yet, do it NOW.  All sign-up info is held in the strictest of confidence... only the appropriate
senior SWB management ever see it.  Not signing-up is a good way to get overlooked when it comes to important aspects of SWB & Bman.


CAMP DUES
Camp dues are currently $275.00 per Spanker… they go up to $300.00 on July 1st.  If you don’t have your Bman ticket yet, you can still pay
camp dues (and lock-in the current rate).  Dues are refundable if you don’t find a ticket.  They are non-refundable once you have a ticket.

If you haven’t paid your camp dues, please do it ASAP!  We have massive expenses, and not enough cash-on-hand to do it all yet.  Less
than 50% of Spankers have paid their camp dues, and it’s summertime already!  This is getting critical!  Please go to the SWB website and
pay your dues.

Here’s the bottom line… if we fall short on camp dues, we may wind up being a wine bar with no wine, or have a power grid and generator,
but no fuel.  That would suck, huh?

If you have a legitimate financial hardship, call me (Admiral Painjoy) at 916-337-5353.  



NAMEBADGES
If you haven’t done it already, please email a picture for your SWB Village Namebadge.  Email the pic to:  jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com   It
doesn’t even have to be a picture of you… in fact it can be a pic of anything.  But whatever you send will be the pic that will appear on your
namebadge.

In Spanky’s Village, we all will have namebadges.  They are to be worn at all times when in camp.  The namebadges serve some
important purposes.  Spanky’s Village is a big place, and it’s impossible for everyone to know everyone.
1-        It’s a cool memento to bring home with you after the event.  There’re collectable!  Many Spankers have saved every one of them, from
years past.
2-        It helps us all to remember each other’s names
3-        It shows that you belong.  If you are working behind the bar, or in the bondage tent, or anywhere in camp… is shows SWB managers
that you belong there.  It shows that you’re not some yahoo that wandered into the wrong place
4-        It shows our customers that you are a member of Spanky’s.  Customers that have questions or problems will know that you are a
person that can help (or you will find somebody that can)
5-        You should be proud to be part of Spanky’s (you ungrateful little bastard!)
6-        If you’re out-and-about, exploring Bman, you can clip your namebadge onto your camelback (or day-pack, etc).  If you accidentally
lose your camelback, your namebadge has your playa-address on it!  So there’s a good chance that somebody will bring it back to SWB.  
Voila!


SWB MANAGERS MAY BE CONTACTING YOU
Spanky’s has a great Management Team.  They manage different aspects/jobs of the Village, such as; the bar, security, construction,
sanctuary, Masters & Mistresses, RV services, Ride/RV shares, camp toys, etc.

When you signed-up to join Spanky’s Village, the questionnaire asked you what your skills are.  Based on that, you may be contacted by
one (or more) of the SWB management team.  They will be gauging your interest in joining their team, for workshifts (and possibly Early
Build).  They can provide instructional info to you, regarding the jobs you’re interested in (info sheets, website links, videos, etc).  They can
also chat with you about the various jobs and answer any questions you might have (that aren’t answered in the job descriptions on the
SWB website).  The goal this year is… everyone should have a very clear understanding of how to do their jobs on the playa…before they
get to the playa.

But you don’t have to wait for the managers to call you… you can go ahead and sign-up for workshifts right now if you want to (see WUSSI,
below).  And you can also feel free to contact any of the SWB Management Team at any time if you have questions.  That’s what they’re here
for!  Their contact info is listed at the bottom of this newsletter.


SWB’S WUSSI IS NOW LIVE
What’s WUSSI?  I’m glad you asked…
It stands for Workshift Unified Sign-up System – Interactive.  In a nutshell, it’s where you sign-up for your workshifts at Spanky’s.  Major-D
created WUSSI, and he did a mighty fine job.  Signing up for workshifts is going to be easy-peasy.  Every Spanker must do a minimum of
12 hrs of workshifts… but it’s okay to sign-up for more!

These are the workshifts relating to running the village during the week of the event.  Work/party weekends, early build, break-down, and
MOOPing after the event don’t count toward your 12 hrs.  Workshifts are jobs like bartending, running the Spank-O-Matic machine, being a
Master or Mistress, doing ice runs, etc.

As I stated in the last Paddler, we used the “honor system” for a few years, but a lot of you started slacking… so we’re going back to
scheduled workshifts this year.  
Here’s where you sign-up:  www.swb.ivolunteer.com   You’ll be asked for your full name (first/last) and email, but only your first name and
last initial will show publicly.  Contact Gabrielle (Cleopatra) if you have questions: gabcarrelli@aol.com


WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS
You may soon be contacted by Liam (Master Fucking Amazing – our lead builder) and/or Donna (Felicity Always) regarding our upcoming
work/party weekends.  We have decided to have a few of them this year… there’s a lot to be done.  More info (dates/locations) on the SWB
website: http://www.jimhillas.org/skunkworks.html

Work/party weekends are when/where we build, paint, organize, maintain, and create all of the cool stuff that Spanky’s brings to Bman.  
There’s something for everyone to do!  Some of these will be held at The Skunkworks (our usual place – in Sacramento) and some will be
at Liam’s farm… aka The Kinky Mountain Farm (a beautiful place in Grass Valley, CA).

If you live in the western US, you are expected to attend (at least) one of these weekends.  We need ya!  And these weekends are lots of fun
too!
More info coming to you soon.  Keep an eye on your in-box!

RV STUFF
RV Pumping and Fresh Water Re-Fills:
Mark H (aka Blackbird) and Rod H (his trusty assistant Amethyst) are the Spankers who coordinate the RV pumpings and water refills.  The
cut-off date for securing/paying for these services is only around 4 weeks out!  These services MUST be paid in advance.

These services are provided by outside vendors, for a fee (United Site Services does the pump outs – YoYo Water Supply does the water
refills).  These fees are collected well in advance of Bman.
Pump-outs cost $110.00 this year.  Fresh water refills are $1.75/gallon.

If you are in an RV at Bman, getting these services is a VERY good idea.  It’s really hard to get through the week without at least one pump-
out and water refill, especially if you have more than one person in your RV, or if you’re on-playa for more than seven days.

Email Blackbird now if you need these RV services on the playa:  mwharri01@gmail.com
You will need to know the day(s) you want pumpings/refills, and the approx. size of your holding tanks.  He will give you more info on how
the process works.  You can pay by check or PayPal.

RV Power in SWB:
We do have power in Spanky’s Village, but the primary reason for this is running our bar, sound system, lighting, our many attractions, sub-
camps, etc.  But we will have limited power available for a limited number of RVs.  But there are restrictions and limitations.  Please refer to
the website for details:  http://www.jimhillas.org/infrastructure.html

If you absolutely MUST have dedicated power for your RV, we can probably accommodate you, but we will have to charge you extra.  Contact
Major-D (our SWB engineer) for details and pricing:  dougl@fed-specs.com


4TH OF JUPLAYA
As many of you have undoubtedly heard, there is still water on the playa.  This will limit some of the 4th of Juplaya activities.  But there are
still many people going… and many Spankers.  You probably won’t be able to drive freely on the open-playa, but there are many
dry/campable areas around the edges of the playa.  And since Frog Pond and the Shooting Range aren’t on the playa (rather, they are on
Jungo Road), they are not affected by the standing-water on the playa.  So there is still much fun to be had over the long weekend!

More info about 4th of Juplaya can be found in last month’s Paddler… click here and scroll down to the May issue:  http://www.jimhillas.
org/paddler.html
If you’re interested in joining the Spankers for Juplaya, contact Donna (Felicity Always) at:  felicityeyes@yahoo.com


RIDESHARES AND RV SHARES
RV-MATE & RIDESHARE COORDINATOR
Rod (aka Amethyst) is the RV-mating and Ride-Sharing Coordinator for Spanky’s.  Here’s some info from Amethyst’s own pretty mouth…
“What is RV mating? Well kids, when two RVs love each other very, very much...
But seriously, if you have spot(s) open for an RV mate, or would like to join an RV crew, or are willing to have a fellow Spanker(s) road trip
with you or would like to get picked up for a road trip to the Playa or return to the default world, email Rod (Amethyst) at izcre8ive@yahoo.
com    Rod will coordinate connecting hosts with mates and riders with drivers.
Want an RV Mate?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) where you are originating from, 3) your dates of Playa arrival and exodus, 4) how many RV mate
spot(s) you have, 5) picture(s) of your ship on wheels.   No other details are needed about your amazing RV accommodations or
admission rituals and costs, you will provide the list of luxuries, oddities and costs directly to your potential RV mate(s).
Want to offer a Rideshare?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) how many Rideshare spot(s) you have, 3) where you are originating from , 4) picture of your
vehicle and 5) the dates you are starting your trek to and from the Playa and/or Reno. No other details about your sweet ride, safe word or
fares, you can brag it up with your possible captive who will need to endure your taste in music.
Want to be an RV Mate?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) dates you are planning to arrive on the Playa and return to the default world and 3) casting
couch picture. If you also need a Rideshare, include the Rideshare information below in same email.
Want to get a Rideshare?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) where you are originating from and/or heading to after exodus, 3) date(s) you are able to get
picked up and/or ejected to the default world, and 4) head shot of you on a car hood.
After I help you connect, I leave your threesome or more and you do your seductive negotiating and arrange any exchange of payment. All
mating arrangements and Rideshare agreements are settled between hosts and mates, drivers and riders.
Check Spanky's Facebook each week for status on supply and demand for these services and other updates.”
Rod (Amethyst)
izcre8ive@yahoo.com


EARLY ARRIVAL PASSES
The gates to Bman don’t officially open until Sunday, Aug. 27th, but…

Every year, Spanky’s gets a limited number of Early Arrival Passes from Bman.  (NOTE:  The Bman Org. is changing the name of these
passes to “Work Access Passes” or WAPs… and I personally LIKE this name change.)  

These WAPs are for people who want to come early and help build Spanky’s.  I don’t know how many we will be getting this year.  I won’t
know until July.  But now is the time to let me know if you’re interested in early arrival.  Send me an email with “WAP REQUEST” in the
subject line:  jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com

Early Build is an honor, and a lot of work… and lots of fun too.  It’s pretty cool being on the playa and watching the city being built.  After the
final pre-burn work/party weekend, we will be loading the big-ass truck on Monday, Aug 21st, then departing Donny’s ranch in Sacramento
on Tues morning, Aug 22nd.  On Tues night, we hit the playa running…and we work and build and organize and decorate and, and, and…
until it’s done.  If we have everything built in time (Saturday), we will host a “soft opening party” on Saturday night, to “work out the kinks” for
Bman’s opening the following day.

I select “Early Arrivals” based on a few factors:
1-        Your past track record with SWB
2-        How early can you arrive?  Helping us load and driving out will us nearly assures you an EAP.   (Arriving on Friday or Saturday, just
before Bman opens, isn’t much help)
3-        Your skill set… how handy are you?  Construction skills are great, but we need all types of people to do a multitude of tasks
4-        You are a sexy young female, willing to make all of APJs fantasies come true ;)
5-        We also need two qualified “drivers” to drive our two big moving trucks from Sacramento to Bman on Aug 22nd (and back again, after
the event).  If you’re able to be one of these drivers, it will guarantee you an EApass.  (Of course, you’ll have to help with Early Build too)



SWB STAPH
Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC (head mutha fuckka in charge)
   jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com
Major D (Doug) – Camp Engineer & SMFIC (second mutha fukka in charge)
   dougl@fed-specs.com
eLeM (Lisa Marie) – Village Manager & OSMFIC (other second mutha fukka in charge)
   lunar.lemon@gmail.com
Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshifts Coordinator
   gabcarrelli@aol.com
Red Queen (Amanda) – Burning Man Ticket Maven
   ashcraaj@yahoo.com
Dirty Birdie (Eve) – Sanctuary Manager
   evevargas1@gmail.com
Master Fucking Amazing (aka Liam) – Lead Builder & Erotic Tent Manager
   wmsmith1962@yahoo.com
Christopher Robbin – LNT Coordinator & Spank-O-Matic Specialist
   crbooth@martianwind.com
Lady Raven (Rachel) & Nima – Bar Managers
   rachel.hundley@gmail.com
   nimashemirani@gmail.com
DocMoc – Healthcare Specialist
   srfmrt@gmail.com
Olivia (Lazy Bar Slut) & Lady Victoria – Leaders of The MOD Squad
   oliviarosexxx@yahoo.com
   ladyvictorianyc@gmail.com
Blackbird – RV Services Manager (with Amethyst)
   mwharri01@gmail.com
Amethyst – RV-mating and Rideshare coordinator
   izcre8ive@yahoo.com
DJ Dirty Dan – Lead DJ and DJ scheduler
   djdirtydan@gmail.com
Wheezy – Lead Camp Bitch & Daily Ice Runs & Camp Hippy
   irieburner@gmail.com
Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Manager of Blinky Things
   lightupwire@gmail.com
Scooter – BufferZone Manager & SWB Marketing Director
   samedaysignssouth@gmail.com
Naked Larry – Shower Manager & Latex Vac-U-Bed Specialist
   larryfinley1@yahoo.com

Camp Bitches:
Dr. Steve & Dr. Dave – Sunday day
Calvin & Jen – Sunday night
Paul H & Sam S – Monday day
John M & Josh B – Monday night
Dixon T & Sam N – Tuesday day
Tripp P – Tuesday night
Tate M & Abby O – Wednesday day
Nixy & Robert S. – Wednesday night
Blake D & Nate S – Thursday day
Karl K. – Thursday night
Twisted & Julia A. – Friday day
Wheezy – Friday night
Matt S? – Saturday day
Julien S? – Saturday night


Erotic Performing Arts Team -
Olivia/LadyVictoria/James/Julia/APJ/Raven/Felicity/Ammo/Danielle/Flogging Molly/Twisted

Art Cars:
Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D
Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole) – John M. (Sky)
Zeus-On-The-Loose (giant swan) – Frank (Paco)
The Space Distorter (flying saucer) – Donny S
The Magic Carpet – Twisted
I Cream U Scream (ice cream sundae) - NumNum

Sub-Camp Leaders:
Major-D – Leader of The Camp for Sensual Pleasures
Big Rick (aka The Sheik) – Leader of FinalQ
Dragger & Healer – Leaders of Camp Lola
Scooter & Quantum – Leaders of The Buffer Zone
Donny S – Leader of Stoopid Kamp
Ryan (Lazer) & Michael (Vlam) – Leaders of Illumelodie & Eros Tangere & Laser Dome
Steve & Dave – Playa Penthouse Leaders
The Paddler
The Monthly Newsletter for Spanky’s Wine Bar
July 2017
10 year anniversary edition
(collectable!)

Only 7 weeks until Burning Man…
(That’s 52 days, or 1176 hours, or 70,560 minutes, or 4,233,600 seconds, give or take)


In this issue
…which should be read while listening to “Chateau Lobby” by Father John Misty:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6NuYJ0RzRg

-        The Admiral’s Rant
-        Placement & Spanky’s Village Map
-        Burning Man Tickets & Car Passes!!!
-        Redux: Early Arrival (Work Access) Passes
-        SWB Security Team
-        Adult Activities at Spanky’s - CONSENT
-        Redux: Volunteering for Workshifts
-        Last Call for Namebadge Pics
-        Redux: 22k gold plated “10th Anniversary SWB Medallions” – Selling Out Fast
-        Redux: Camp Dues
-        Redux: Work/Party Weekends
-        Redux: RV Stuff
-        Redux: Rideshares & RV shares
-        SWB Management Team

THE ADMIRAL’S RANT
As usual, I like to start the newsletter on a negative note ;)   This rant will be short.

“If you don’t read all the info on the SWB website and in these newsletters… you run the serious risk of f*cking up your Burn, your friend’s
Burns, and my Burn.”

See, I told ya it was a short rant this month.
~Admiral Painjoy~

P.S.  Sorry if there’s a lot of repeated info from last month in this issue of The Paddler… we’ve had a lot of newbies sign-up in the past
month, and I want to make sure they all get this important info.


PLACEMENT & SPANKY’S VILLAGE MAP
I am pleased to announce that we have officially been “placed” as a registered Theme Camp and Village at Burning Man!  Our playa-
address this year is:  2:30 & Fire.  (more accurately – we are on the 2:30 avenue and we span E/F/G streets – and our village extends more
than half way toward 2:00)  Essentially, we have the lion-share of two city blocks… we’re friggin HUGE.  Our land is the size of a small
planet!  (roughly 450’x550’ – holy footprint batman!)  That’s double our biggest size ever.  Woot!

We are a bit far back from the Esplanade, but that’s okay.  We’re still pretty damn close to the quasi-Esplanade action on 2:00… but not as
close as last year, due to the increase width of the blocks on EFG streets.  Our Placer “The Governess” assures me that there are not any
big sound camps next to us (or caddy-cornered to us).  So we shouldn’t have the same noise problems as last year.

Why so far back?  We are in the “Large Village” section of the city.  It’s a “big year” for Spanky’s – our 10th Anniversary.  We are probably
going to have over 300 Spankers in camp this year… so we’re victims of our own success.  There aren’t many designated areas of the city
big enough for Spanky’s this year.

There are many advantages to our placement:
1-        We are only one block away from the 3:00 plaza, where we buy ice every day (big convenience)
2-        There are porto-potties one block away from us, on both sides.  Easy walk, but just far enough that we don’t have to smell them
3-        We are only one block (diagonally) from the BRC Rangers and Medical, in case of emergencies
4-        We are less than a block away from the high-traffic 2:00 Ave. (basically a continuation of The Esplanade) so we will get lots of
business
5-        We are less than a half-block away from open-playa, so our art cars don’t have to navigate block-after-block of street traffic every time
they come and go from camp
6-        Our land is HUGE, so we no longer have to worry about being crammed into a tight camping space
7-        2:30 & Fire sounds really cool ;)  
(Bman trivia – this is the first year that the “F Street” has been named “Fire”)

Major-D and I will begin working diligently on creating our Village Map in the next couple of weeks.  Once it is drafted, I will post it on the
SWB website.  Nothing is set in stone during the first draft, so if you see any errors, oversights, etc… don’t panic.  Send me an email.


BMAN TICKETS AND CAR PASSES
As advertised, your Admiral has talked the Bman Org into allocating us some more Bman tickets and car passes.  These will be made
available for purchase (IMMEDIATELY…like tomorrow!) to those who have stated that they still need to buy a ticket… AND HAVE ALREADY
PAID CAMP DUES and emailed me their namebadge pics.
IMPORTANT… most of these tickets will be purchased directly from Bman.  I am creating the list (to send to Bman) now.  And we only have
a window of 6 days to buy these tickets/passes.
You need to have an up-to-date Burner Profile (on the Burning Man website – not Spanky’s website) in order to buy these tickets/passes:  
https://profiles.burningman.org/
And an up-to-date TicketFly account:  www.ticketfly.com

Also IMPORTANT… These tickets that are being purchased from Bman are called “Directed Group Sale” tickets (DGS).  They are intended
ONLY for key members of Theme Camps.  If you buy one of these DGS tix, and then later decide that you can’t attend… your ticket MUST be
sold to another Spanker-in-need.  These DGS tix CAN NOT be sold to anyone outside of Spanky’s.  Violation of this could lead to ALL of
Spanky’s DGS tickets being voided.

And there’s still plenty of room for more campers in Spanky’s this year… so help spread the word to those who you think would be good
additions to Spanky’s.  We are still far short of the numbers needed to make our budget, and to make all of our events happen, bar operate,
toys operate, and so on.  We need more Spankers.  Encourage friends to join us.  Encourage old-timers to join again this year (for the big
10th Anniversary!)


EARLY ARRIVAL (WORK ACCESS) PASSES
The gates to Bman don’t officially open until Sunday, Aug. 27th, but…

Every year, Spanky’s gets a limited number of Early Arrival Passes from Bman.  (NOTE:  The Bman Org. is changing the name of these
passes to “Work Access Passes” or WAPs… and I personally LIKE this name change.)  Bman has told me that we will receive our WAPs
next week (after the 11th)  I still don’t know how many we will be allocated.

These WAPs are for people who want to come early and help build Spanky’s.  Now is the time to let me know if you’re interested in early
arrival.  Send me an email with “WAP REQUEST” in the subject line:  jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com  NOTE: Even if you said you wanted ‘early
arrival’ in your SWB sign-up, you still need to send me this email.

Early Build is an honor, and a lot of work… and lots of fun too.  It’s pretty cool being on the playa and watching the city being built.  After the
final pre-burn work/party weekend, we will be loading the big-ass truck on Monday, Aug 21st, then departing Donny’s ranch in Sacramento
on Tues morning, Aug 22nd.  On Tues night, we hit the playa running…and we work and build and organize and decorate and, and, and…
until it’s done.  If we have everything built in time (Saturday), we will host a “soft opening party” on Saturday night, to “work out the kinks” for
Bman’s opening the following day.

I select “Early Arrivals” based on a few factors:
1-        Your past track record with SWB
2-        How early can you arrive?  Helping us load and driving out will us nearly assures you an EAP.   (Arriving on Friday or Saturday, just
before Bman opens, isn’t much help)
3-        Your skill set… how handy are you?  Construction skills are great, but we need all types of people to do a multitude of tasks
4-        You are a sexy young female, willing to make all of APJs fantasies come true ;)
5-        We also need some qualified “drivers” to drive our two big moving trucks from Sacramento to Bman on Aug 22nd (and back again,
after the event).  If you’re able to be one of these drivers, it will guarantee you an EApass.  (Of course, you’ll have to help with Early Build too)

Note:  Early build work time DOES NOT count toward your (minimum) 12 hours of volunteer workshifts during the event.

SWB SECURITY TEAM
Chaz & Niloc are the heads of our Security Team in Spanky’s Village.  They have a few words they want to share with all of you…
Hi Spankers,
Burning Man is a wonderful place, but it is a city.  And even though you may feel like you’re in a Utopian city sometimes, don’t forget that any
city has its share of assholes.  So we offer you the following advice and reminders;

·        Store your valuables in a secure place whenever possible.  This could be in your RV, or a locked trunk of a vehicle if you are camping
in a tent.  Keep the doors of your RV and cars locked at all times.  Keep any valuables out of sight.  Remember the saying “out of sight, out
of mind” for potential thieves.  This includes all valuable personal items including prescription medications, cell phones, bicycles,
cameras, etc.
·        Keep your personal area in tents and RVs organized and wired tight.  Thieves will take advantage of messy areas to steal valuables
that may not be immediately missed.
·        While at Spanky’s, if you hear “Code Blue”, along with a location, there is an emergency that requires attention and assistance from
Spanky’s Camp Security members in the area.
·        If you hear the message “Happy Monday or Happy {insert the proper days of the week} from the DJ booth, be especially vigilant. It
means law enforcement is nearby, or in camp.
·        All Spanker’s should remain vigilant to anyone taking photos or video recording activities within Spanky’s areas without the
participants’ consent.  Spanker’s should politely explain the rules and that all participants must consent to being recorded.  If the individual
has already taken a photo or video without consent, Spanky’s Security (or Camp Bitch) should be immediately notified for further
discussion.  Spanky’s Security, or the Camp Bitch, will then ask to watch the individual delete the picture or video that was recorded without
consent.
·        During the “Man burn” and “Temple burn” there will be a skeleton crew of SWB security remaining in camp to keep an eye on things
while most of you are out enjoying these burns.  But please secure your valuables nonetheless!
·        While at Spanky’s, let the Security team know if you see any of the following:
1-        People acting suspiciously around camp.  Things get stolen from Spanky’s main camp, personal tents, and RVs every year.  If you
observe suspicious people or activities around camp, and don’t spot a Spanky’s name badge, introduce yourself and ask them if they are
part of Spanky’s.  If they are looking for someone from camp, ask if you could assist them or lead them to the bar and request a Spanky’s
Leader to help out.  Please notify Spanky’s Security immediately if the suspicious activity continues or something doesn’t seem right.  
2-        Acts of violence (very rare, but it does happen)
3-        Overt sexual acts in the open.  A certain amount of exhibitionism is allowed at Bman and in Spanky’s… but we draw the line at “fluid
exchange”.  No open oral or penetration should occur outside of an enclosed space.
4-        Non-consensual activities.  See something, say something.  It never hurts to ask if what’s going on is consensual.
5-        People whacked out on drugs or alcohol

If you’re interested in joining the SWB security team, you can sign-up for shifts at www.swb.ivolunteer.com   Send us an email if you have
questions.

Dusty regards,
Chaz & Niloc



ADULT ACTIVITIES AT SPANKY’S – CONSENT!
Most of this is common sense, but I still repeat it every year.  Spanky’s has a good reputation at Burning Man as a fun/safe sex-positive
camp… and we want to keep it that way…
The following is taken directly from the SWB website, so if you haven’t read it there…. Read it here, now.

Spanky’s Wine Bar is many things… one of those things is that we are a camp that is sexual in nature.  We have a bondage wall, a
spanking machine an orgasm machine and other fun toys.  Our camp goal is to provide sexy FUN to our customers (and to ourselves as
well).  But the key word is “consent”.  
Our camp, by its very nature, walks a razor’s edge. We all need to make sure that the vibe at SWB remains positive at all times.

We have a group of kinksters in camp called The M.O.D. Squad.  MOD stands for Mistress (or Master) on Duty.  These are Spankers who
can answer questions about sexy fun in camp.  Most are trained in the ways of BDSM/kink.  They are usually hanging around the bondage
tent.... lookin' all sexy ;)

Everyone burn the phrase “SAFE, SANE AND CONSENTUAL” into your brains.  We always ask permission and silence is not consent.

If I see anyone forcing or aggressively coercing others into participating in any of our events, games or using our toys, I will not tolerate it.  
This could be grounds for ejection from the camp.  This goes for the Deviant-Dare-Dice game at the bar too!  We ask/encourage customers
to roll the dice for a drink, but it is not mandatory... they can have a drink without rolling the dice.

This also goes for persistent “COG and COUG” behavior.  COG stands for “creepy old guy”.  COUG is short for “cougar”. There is no age
minimum for this behavior… and anyone can have the potential for acting this way (given the right circumstances and a bit too much to
drink).  So we also need to “police” each other’s behavior.  And we need to be accepting of our campmate's advice if they tap us on the
shoulder and politely let us know if we are acting inappropriately.

Remember… No means NO!
Silence means NO!
Intoxicated means NO!
Under 18 means NO!  (and under 21 means they can't be at the Bar)
But… Yes means YES... yay!

And when getting consent, make sure their partner (friend, g/f, b/f, wife, husband, etc) is giving consent also... if that partner is present.


Here’s a few examples of what I’m talking about:
Dancing naked on the bar/stages is not only allowed… it’s encouraged.  But copping a feel without permission or lewd comments are not
allowed.  We want dancers be able to have fun up there and feel safe.

While working the bondage wall, yanking a bound person’s pants down… un-cool.   
Whispering “are you OK with nudity” and getting a “yes” prior to doing that… okie dokie!

Constantly ogling people with a zombie-like look on your face… bad.   
Walking up to people with a smile and saying, “Hi, I’m so-and-so.  Welcome to Spanky’s.  Let me know if I can get you anything, or give you
a tour, or discuss with you ways to participate”… good

Immediately diving into a conversation about sex, clothing/appearance, physical attributes, kink/fetish... lame
Chatting and getting to know the person a bit first... good

Our camp is about fun, fetish and fantasy (and wine!).  And Bman is a great venue for
exploring these things.  If there is some kind of sexy performance you want to do and you’re unsure if it’s cool… just run it by a member of
the SWB M.O.D. Squad first.  I’m sure
we can find a way to make it happen, if it's within reason.


VOLUNTEERING FOR WORKSHIFTS
What’s WUSSI?  I’m glad you asked…
It stands for Workshift Unified Sign-up System – Interactive.  In a nutshell, it’s where you sign-up for your workshifts at Spanky’s.  Major-D
created WUSSI for us this year, and he did a mighty fine job.  Signing up for workshifts is easy-peasy.  Every Spanker must volunteer for,
and do a minimum of 12 hrs of workshifts during the event… but it’s okay to sign-up for more!

These are the workshifts relating to running Spanky’s during the week of the event.  Most of them are REALLY fun!  You can knock out all of
your shifts in one day (not recommended) or spread them over a few days (better and more fun).

NOTE: work/party weekends, early build, break-down and clean-up after the event, DON’T count toward your 12 hrs.  Workshifts are jobs
like bartending, running the Spank-O-Matic machine, being a Master or Mistress, doing ice runs, daily MOOPing, etc.

Job descriptions are on the SWB website: http://www.jimhillas.org/workshifts.html
There’s a list of SWB managers and specialists at the bottom of this newsletter.  These Spankers are happy to answer questions.

Here’s where you volunteer for shifts:  www.swb.ivolunteer.com   Volunteer now, before your favorite shifts are all filled up.
You’ll be asked for your full name (first/last) and email, but only your first name and last initial will show publicly.  Contact Gabrielle
(Cleopatra) if you have questions: gabcarrelli@aol.com


LAST CALL FOR NAMEBADGE PICS
If you haven’t done it already, please email a picture for your SWB Village Namebadge.  We’ve already started working on them!
Email the pic to:  jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com   It doesn’t even have to be a picture of you… in fact it can be a pic of anything.  But whatever you
send will be the pic that will appear on your namebadge.

In Spanky’s Village, we all will have namebadges.  They are to be worn at all times when in camp.  The namebadges serve some
important purposes…
1-        It’s a cool memento to bring home with you after the event.  There’re collectable!  Many Spankers have saved every one of them, from
years past.
2-        It helps us all to remember each other’s names
3-        It shows that you belong.  If you are working behind the bar, or in the bondage tent, or anywhere in camp… is shows SWB managers
that you belong there.  It shows that you’re not some yahoo that wandered into the wrong place
4-        It shows our customers that you are a member of Spanky’s.  Customers that have questions or problems will know that you are a
person that can help (or you will find somebody that can)
5-        You should be proud to be part of Spanky’s (you ungrateful little bastard!)
6-        If you’re out-and-about, exploring Bman, you can clip your namebadge onto your camelback (or day-pack, etc).  If you accidentally
lose your camelback, your namebadge has your playa-address on it!  So there’s a good chance that somebody will bring it back to SWB.  
Voila!


22K GOLD PLATED “10TH ANNIVERSARY SWB MEDALLIONS” – SELLING OUT FAST!
Our medallions (necklaces) are gold this year… that right… fuckin gold, muthafukkaaaaaaaa.  
The medallions, this year, are the traditional design, but they are plated with real 22 karat gold (with a protective “over-coating” for long life).  
Happy 10th Anniversary Spankers!

I’ll bet you’re wondering how much MORE it’s gonna cost ya for one of these gold necklaces, huh?  That’s the best part… only $5 more
than the non-gold one’s from last year.  Gold medallions for $25.00!… you’re welcome.

We have a limited supply, so don’t miss the boat.  They’re gonna sell-out fast.  Go to the SWB website and buy yours now!  http://www.
jimhillas.org/schwag.html

I can’t tell you how many times Spankers (on the playa) ask me if there are any necklaces left to purchase.  And I have to tell them that they
are all gone.  And then they cry… like little babies, they cry.  And I have to hug them, and stroke their hair, and tell them that they are pretty… I
don’t have time for this.  Don’t let this happen to you.  They cost $25.00 each.  They are beautiful.  They cure most diseases.  They can be
used to locate true north, or water, or lawyers, or fashionable parties.  And they are guaranteed to get you laid (just ask anyone who has
one).  Quite an amazing deal, huh!?  


CAMP DUES
If you haven’t paid your camp dues, please do it ASAP!  We have massive expenses, and not enough cash-on-hand to do it all yet.  Less
than 60% of Spankers have paid their camp dues, and it’s friggin July!   This is getting critical!  Please go to the SWB website and pay your
dues.  http://www.jimhillas.org/duesbudget.html

Here’s the bottom line… if we fall short on camp dues, we may wind up being a wine bar with no wine, or have a power grid and generator,
but no fuel.  That would suck, huh?

If you have a legitimate financial hardship, call me (Admiral Painjoy) at 916-337-5353.  


WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS
You may soon be contacted by Liam (Master Fucking Amazing – our lead builder) and/or Donna (Felicity Always) regarding our upcoming
work/party weekends.  We have decided to have a few of them this year… there’s still a lot to be done.  More info (dates/locations) on the
SWB website: http://www.jimhillas.org/skunkworks.html

Work/party weekends are when/where we build, paint, organize, maintain, and create all of the cool stuff that Spanky’s brings to Bman.  
There’s something for everyone to do!  Some of these will be held at The Skunkworks (our usual place – in Sacramento) and some will be
at Liam’s farm… aka The Kinky Mountain Farm (a beautiful place in Garden Valley, CA).

If you live in the western US, you are expected to attend (at least) one of these weekends.  We need ya!  And these weekends are lots of fun
too!
Here’s the work/party weekends schedule:
July 14-16 (Kinky Mountain Farm – Garden Valley, CA)
Aug 4-6 (Kinky Mountain Farm – Garden Valley, CA)
Aug 18-21 (Skunkworks – Sacramento, CA)
Post burn:  Sept 8-10 (Skunkworks – Sacramento, CA)


RV STUFF – DEADLINE APPROACHING!
RV Pumping and Fresh Water Re-Fills:  DEADLINE IS JULY 14TH!

Mark H (aka Blackbird) and Rod H (his trusty assistant Amethyst) are the Spankers who coordinate the RV pump-outs and water refills.  
The cut-off date for securing/paying for these services is only around ONE week away! (July 14th)  These services MUST be paid in
advance.

These services are provided by outside vendors, for a fee (United Site Services does the pump outs – YoYo Water Supply does the water
refills).  These fees are collected well in advance of Bman.
Pump-outs cost $110.00 this year.  Fresh water refills are $1.75/gallon.

If you are in an RV at Bman, getting these services is a VERY good idea.  It’s really hard to get through the week without at least one pump-
out and water refill, especially if you have more than one person in your RV, or if you’re on-playa for more than seven days.

Email Blackbird now if you need these RV services on the playa:  mwharri01@gmail.com
You will need to know the day(s) you want pumpings/refills, and the approx. size of your holding tanks.  He will give you more info on how
the process works.  You can pay by check or PayPal.

RV Power in SWB:
We do have power in Spanky’s Village for running our bar, sound system, lighting, our many attractions, sub-camps, etc.  We will have
limited power available for camp members (tents, yurts, etc) and RVs.  But there are restrictions and limitations.  Please refer to the
website for details:  http://www.jimhillas.org/infrastructure.html

If you want dedicated power for your RV, we can accommodate you (if you act soon), but we will have to charge you extra (we have to build a
custom circuit).  Contact Major-D (our SWB engineer) for details and pricing:  dougl@fed-specs.com




RIDESHARES AND RV SHARES
RV-MATE & RIDESHARE COORDINATOR
Rod (aka Amethyst) is the RV-mating and Ride-Sharing Coordinator for Spanky’s.  Here’s some info from Amethyst’s own pretty mouth…
“What is RV mating? Well kids, when two RVs love each other very, very much...
But seriously, if you have spot(s) open for an RV mate, or would like to join an RV crew, or are willing to have a fellow Spanker(s) road trip
with you or would like to get picked up for a road trip to the Playa or return to the default world, email Rod (Amethyst) at izcre8ive@yahoo.
com    Rod will coordinate connecting hosts with mates and riders with drivers.
Want an RV Mate?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) where you are originating from, 3) your dates of Playa arrival and exodus, 4) how many RV mate
spot(s) you have, 5) picture(s) of your ship on wheels.   No other details are needed about your amazing RV accommodations or
admission rituals and costs, you will provide the list of luxuries, oddities and costs directly to your potential RV mate(s).
Want to offer a Rideshare?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) how many Rideshare spot(s) you have, 3) where you are originating from , 4) picture of your
vehicle and 5) the dates you are starting your trek to and from the Playa and/or Reno. No other details about your sweet ride, safe word or
fares, you can brag it up with your possible captive who will need to endure your taste in music.
Want to be an RV Mate?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) dates you are planning to arrive on the Playa and return to the default world and 3) casting
couch picture. If you also need a Rideshare, include the Rideshare information below in same email.
Want to get a Rideshare?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) where you are originating from and/or heading to after exodus, 3) date(s) you are able to get
picked up and/or ejected to the default world, and 4) head shot of you on a car hood.
After I help you connect, I leave your threesome or more and you do your seductive negotiating and arrange any exchange of payment. All
mating arrangements and Rideshare agreements are settled between hosts and mates, drivers and riders.
Check Spanky's Facebook each week for status on supply and demand for these services and other updates.”
Rod (Amethyst)
izcre8ive@yahoo.com


SWB STAPH
Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC (head mutha fuckka in charge)
    jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com
Major D (Doug) – Camp Engineer & SMFIC (second mutha fukka in charge)
    dougl@fed-specs.com
eLeM (Lisa Marie) – Village Manager & OSMFIC (other second mutha fukka in charge)
    lunar.lemon@gmail.com
Chaz & Niloc – SWB Security Team
    chaz_allerton@yahoo.com
    collinallerton@hotmail.com
Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshifts Coordinator
    gabcarrelli@aol.com
Red Queen (Amanda) – Burning Man Ticket Maven
    ashcraaj@yahoo.com
Dirty Birdie (Eve) – Sanctuary Manager
    evevargas1@gmail.com
Master Fucking Amazing (aka Liam) – Lead Builder & Erotic Tent Manager
    wmsmith1962@yahoo.com
Christopher Robbin – LNT Coordinator & Spank-O-Matic Specialist
    crbooth@martianwind.com
Lady Raven (Rachel) & Nima – Bar Managers
    rachel.hundley@gmail.com
    nimashemirani@gmail.com
DocMoc (Mark) – Healthcare Specialist – Camp MD
    srfmrt@gmail.com
Olivia (Lazy Bar Slut) & Lady Victoria – Leaders of The MOD Squad
    oliviarosexxx@yahoo.com
    ladyvictorianyc@gmail.com
Blackbird – RV Services Manager (with Amethyst)
    mwharri01@gmail.com
Amethyst – RV-mating and Rideshare coordinator
    izcre8ive@yahoo.com
DJ Dirty Dan – Lead DJ and DJ scheduler
    djdirtydan@gmail.com
Wheezy – Lead Camp Bitch & Camp Hippy
    irieburner@gmail.com
Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Manager of Blinky Things
    lightupwire@gmail.com
Scooter – BufferZone Manager & SWB Marketing Director
    samedaysignssouth@gmail.com
Naked Larry – Shower Manager & Latex Vac-U-Bed Specialist
    larryfinley1@yahoo.com

Camp Bitches:
Dr. Steve & Dr. Dave – Sunday day
Calvin & Jen – Sunday night
Paul H & Sam S – Monday day
John M & Josh B – Monday night
Dixon T & Sam N – Tuesday day
Tripp P – Tuesday night
Tate M & Abby O – Wednesday day
Nixy & Robert S. – Wednesday night
Blake D & Nate S – Thursday day
Karl K. – Thursday night
Twisted & Julia A. – Friday day
Wheezy – Friday night
Matt S? – Saturday day
Julien S? – Saturday night


Erotic Performing Arts Team -
Olivia/LadyVictoria/James/Julia/APJ/Raven/Felicity/Ammo/Danielle/Twisted

Art Cars:
Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D
Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole) – John M. (Sky)
Zeus-On-The-Loose (giant swan) – Frank (Paco)
The Space Distorter (flying saucer) – Donny S
The Magic Carpet – Twisted
I Cream U Scream (ice cream sundae) - NumNum

Sub-Camp Leaders:
Major-D – Leader of The Camp for Sensual Pleasures
Big Rick (aka The Sheik) – Leader of FinalQ
Dragger & Healer – Leaders of Camp Lola
Scooter & Quantum – Leaders of The Buffer Zone
Donny S – Leader of Stoopid Kamp
Ryan (Lazer) & Michael (Vlam) – Leaders of Illumelodie & Eros Tangere & Laser Dome
Steve & Dave – Playa Penthouse Leaders
The Paddler
The Monthly Newsletter for Spanky’s Wine Bar
August 2017 – Part 1
10 year anniversary edition
(collectable!)

Only 3 weeks until Burning Man…
(That’s 21 days, or 504 hours, or 30,240 minutes, or 1,814,400 seconds, give or take)


In this issue
…which should be read while listening to “I Know What Boys Like” Vitamin C cover/remix:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2anIvTWibs

-        The Admiral’s Rant
-        Placement (correction)
-        What to do upon arriving at Spanky’s Village
-        Workshift Sign-ups
-        Camp Dues – C’mon Already, Dammit!
-        SWB Medallions – Nearly Sold Out
-        2 More Work/Party Weekends
-        Appetizers
-        Emergency Communications With the Outside World
-        FinalQ – “We need art”
-        Redux: Rideshares & RV shares
-        Flight-For-Life Insurance
-        SWB Management Team


THE ADMIRAL’S RANT
Things are going well here at SWB HQ.  And it’s looking like we are going to have our best year yet… but nonetheless, I like to start out the
Paddler on a negative note ;)
OMG…OMG…OMG… It’s August!  How the hell did it become August so fast?!?!
My “busy level” is now moving into the “frantic” stage… words can’t describe it.  
Let me start out by saying this; if you have sent me a message (email, text, voice, FB, etc) and it’s been over 3 days without me
responding to you… send me the message again.  Your message probably got buried in the ever-growing pile of electrons and paper.  
Sorry.

Right now, I’m averaging between 25-50 messages per hour.  In the upcoming 3 weeks, that will double.  Please try to answer your own
questions with the website and newsletters before contacting me.  Also, you will find a list of Spanky’s Staff & Specialists at the bottom of
this newsletter.  Perhaps one of them could answer your question.  That’s what they’re there for.

If you do need to contact me, keep in mind that I recently instituted a new rule…
THE BACON TAX – If you contact me with a question that you should have already known the answer to, from the newsletters or website,
you owe me 3 strips of bacon on the playa.  I like my bacon crisp… nearly burnt ;)  If you’re vegetarian (or I’ve already had my fill of bacon),
a massage will do.

You wouldn’t believe how many questions I am getting from Spankers that are/were addressed on the website and in the newsletters.  IT
IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU READ THESE!  Not reading this stuff will fuck up your Burn!

Anyhooo…
My journey cross-country (driving from the East Coast to Sacramento – over 3000 miles) begins on Aug 12th or 13th.   I should arrive in
Sacramento on Friday Aug 18th for the final work/party weekend.  I will do my best to keep in communication with anyone who needs me
during the journey.

apj


PLACEMENT (correction)
Last month I announced the “placement” of Spanky’s Village, as given to us by the Bman Placement Team (it still is 2:30 & Fire).  I was
informed by Bman Placement that our approximate size was 450 ft x 550 ft and it was an irregular shape (which is huge – nearly 250,000
sq. ft.).  Well………as it turns out, the irregular shape (and inaccuracy of measurements) has impacted the actual size of our village
SEVERELY!  We are a strange shape… and we are FAR less than the estimated 250,000 sq. ft. that Bman Placement informed me of in
late June.  

In mid-July the Placement Team sent me a drawing/outline of Spanky’s Village which was approximately 150,000 sq. ft. (not 250,000 sq.
ft.)  During that 2 week period (between initial placement – and clarification), we (well… I) had approved over 50 more new Spankers to
camp with us!  You wanna talk about Painjoy and Major-D going into PANIC MODE?!  Well, we did.  

Okay… everyone take a breath…. It’s not as bad as it may seem…
I was able to negotiate a little more land (5000 sq. ft), but there is no more space available.  We are stuck with 155,000 sq. ft.  This
impacts us all in the following ways:
1-        We have no more room for any additional RVs or big tents/shade structures/domes (We can still fit a few additional newbie
Spankers with small/medium sized tents)
2-        We will have to park ALL NON-ESSENTIAL VEHICLES outside of our camp.  There are places that we can park un-needed cars,
trucks, and trailers, a few hundred feet away from Spanky’s
3-        We are going to be packed-in pretty tight.  Tents will be close together. RVs will be close together (many RVs will have doors facing
each other, to share common shade space)
4-        We are all going to be cozy, cooperative, friendly, and good neighbors


WHAT TO DO UPON ARRIVING AT SPANKY’S VILLAGE
The next issue of the Paddler will contain our preliminary Village Map.  The map will show the “check-in” location (SWB HQ), and a
parking area nearby that you can use while you check-in.  This is where you will go when you arrive.  Checking-in is required for
EVERYONE, regardless of what camp you are in.  Checking-in is our Village’s version of Greeting & Placing.

Check-ins will be done in groups, at the “top of the hour”, on Saturday-Monday (Aug 26-28).  The check-in tent is open from 8am-1am
those days (after Monday, we check people in as they arrive).  So if you arrive at 11:15am (Sat-Mon), you will need to park and hang out for
45 mins, until the next group-check-in-session.  DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PLACE YOURSELF IN (WHAT YOU THINK IS) YOUR CAMPING
SPOT… even if you have the camp map, from the website… things might have changed.

If you arrive after-hours, and nobody is awake to check you in, please park in the Check-in Parking Area and get some rest/sleep until we
open in the morning.  If the weather is bad and you don’t have an RV, there are many places you can throw a sleeping bag and ground
pad for a few hours (Sanctuary Tent, PlayaQ Tent, Check-in Tent).  Once again, DO NOT set up your camp until you have been checked-in.

The Spanky’s Village Greeter/Placers are:  Admiral Painjoy, eLeM, Major-D, Cate, Sharkbait, and Wheezy.

When you check-in, you will be given a “Welcome Pack” which will contain important information, gifts, your camp namebadge, workshift
schedule, etc.  If you have and RV, you’ll also need to find Blackbird, to get your info about your RV pump-outs at this time.  If you
purchased SWB medallions or SWB drinking glasses, you’ll receive them at this time.

Once you’ve been checked-in, an SWB Placer will take you to your camping location and show you where some important camp
amenities are located (electric outlets, showers, etc).  We will also make note of your location (for the master-map) and log vehicle
license plate #s.

Once you’re all set-up, you will need to park non-essential vehicles in one of the designated parking areas, outside of camp


WORKSHIFT SIGN-UPS
NOW IS THE TIME TO SIGN-UP!
If you have not yet signed up for your workshifts in Spanky’s Village… you will soon begin getting harassing emails and/or phone calls
from Cleopatra (Gabrielle), our “Workshift Coordinator” at Spanky’s.

NOTE:  When you sign up for workshifts on WUSSI, you must use the same email address you used when you registered to camp at
Spanky’s.

What’s WUSSI?  I’m glad you asked…
It stands for Workshift Unified Sign-up System – Interactive.  In a nutshell, it’s where you sign-up for your workshifts at Spanky’s.  Major-D
created a new system for us this year, and he did a mighty fine job.  Signing up for workshifts is easy-peasy.  Every Spanker must
volunteer for a minimum of 12 hrs of workshifts during the event… but it’s okay to sign-up for more!

Workshifts keep Spanky’s running during the week of the event and most of them are REALLY fun!  You can knock out all of your shifts in
one day (not recommended) or spread them out over a few days (better and more fun).

NOTE: work/party weekends, early build, break-down, and clean-up after the event, DON’T count toward your 12 hrs.  Workshifts are jobs
like bartending, running the Spank-O-Matic machine, being a Master or Mistress, doing ice runs, daily MOOPing, etc.

Job descriptions are on the SWB website: http://www.jimhillas.org/workshifts.html
There’s a list of SWB managers and specialists at the bottom of this newsletter.  These Spankers are happy to answer questions.

Here’s where you SIGN UP for workshifts:  www.swb.ivolunteer.com   Volunteer now, before your favorite shifts are gone.
You’ll be asked for your full name (first/last) and email, but only your first name and last initial will show publicly.  Contact Gabrielle
(Cleopatra) if you have questions: gabcarrelli@aol.com


CAMP DUES – C’MON ALREADY DAMMIT!
If you haven’t paid your camp dues, please do it ASAP!  We have massive expenses, and not enough cash-on-hand to do it all yet.  I’m still
waiting on 30+ Spankers to pay their camp dues, and it’s friggin August!   This is critical!  Please go to the SWB website and pay your
dues.  http://www.jimhillas.org/duesbudget.html

Here’s the bottom line… if we fall short on our budget, we may wind up being a wine bar with no wine, or a camp that has a power grid
and generator, but no fuel.  That would suck, huh?

If you have a legitimate financial hardship, call me (Admiral Painjoy) at 916-337-5353.  


SWB MEDALLIONS – NEARLY SOLD OUT!
We only have around 20 left!
Our medallions (necklaces) are gold this year… that right… fuckin gold, muthafukkaaaaaaaa.  
The medallions, this year, are the traditional design, but they are plated with real 22 karat gold (with a protective “over-coating” for long
life).  Happy 10th Anniversary Spankers!

I’ll bet you’re wondering how much MORE it’s gonna cost ya for one of these gold necklaces, huh?  That’s the best part… only $5 more
than the non-gold ones from last year.  Gold medallions for $25.00!… you’re welcome.

We don’t have many left, so don’t miss the boat.  They’re gonna sell-out.  Go to the SWB website and buy yours now!  http://www.jimhillas.
org/schwag.html

I can’t tell you how many times Spankers (on the playa) ask me if there are any necklaces left to purchase.  And I have to tell them that they
are all gone.  And then they cry… like little babies, they cry.  And I have to hug them, and stroke their hair, and tell them that they are
pretty… I don’t have time for this ;)  Don’t let this happen to you.  They cost $25.00 each.  They are beautiful.  They cure most diseases.  
They can be used to locate true north, or water, or lawyers, or fashionable parties.  And they are guaranteed to get you laid (just ask
anyone who has one).  Quite an amazing deal, huh!?  



2 MORE WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS (one before Bman… one after)
You may soon be contacted by Liam (Master Fucking Amazing – our lead builder) and/or Donna (Felicity Always) regarding our upcoming
work/party weekends.  We have one more pre-burn (Aug 18-21)… there’s still a lot to be done.  More info on the SWB website: http://www.
jimhillas.org/skunkworks.html

Work/party weekends are when/where we build, paint, organize, maintain, and create all of the cool stuff that Spanky’s brings to Bman.  
There’s something for everyone to do!  These will be held at Liam & Donna’s farm… aka The Kinky Mountain Farm (a beautiful place in
Garden Valley, CA).

If you live in the western US, you are expected to attend (at least) one of these weekends.  We need ya!  And these weekends are lots of
fun too!
Here’s the work/party weekends schedule:
Aug 18-21 (Skunkworks & Kinky Mountain Farm – Sacramento/Garden Valley, CA)
Sept 7-10 Post burn… The Last Hurrah!:  The Clean-up & Pack-it-all-away-for-the-year work/party (Kinky Mountain Farm - Garden Valley,
CA).  WE WILL NEED A LOT OF SPANKERS FOR THIS ONE!


APPETIZERS
REMINDER: There is no “meal-plan” at Spanky’s Village.  Everyone is expected to bring all the food and water they need for the week of
the event.

But Spanky’s does have an appetizer program!  Every Spanker is required to make an appetizer, at some time during the week.  Your
appetizer should serve 20-30 people.  It can be elaborate or simple… expensive or cheap… hot or cold… it’s all up to you and your
budget.  You can serve your appetizer by walking around camp with it, or you can bring it up to the bar, or you can walk around serving it in
the bar area during one of our parties!

WARNING:  The NV Dept. of Health states that you need a health permit to serve food to the public at Bman.  But you ARE allowed to serve
food to your campmates and friends.  So make sure you ask the person if they are your friend before giving them food ;)  And make damn
sure you don’t serve bad food to anyone!  Here’s a link to proper/safe food handling:  https://www.fsis.usda.
gov/wps/wcm/connect/82770ed6-4ec5-4075-9b09-4a24bef24af6/Cooking_for_Groups.pdf?MOD=AJPERES

With nearly 300 Spankers in the village, the appetizer program helps to ensure that there’s some food around most of the time.  Plus, if
you do it right… your appetizer can act as a social catalyst.  If there’s a cute guy/gal in camp you’ve been wanting to meet… hey, what a
great time to make/serve your appetizer!

EMERGENCY COMMUNICATIONS WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD
If everything goes according to plan, we should have somewhat reliable WiFi at Spanky’s for those who need/want it (thanks Major-D!).    
Last year there was sketchy cell service during the entire event.  If you don’t like the idea… pretend it doesn’t exist, Luddite.

Hopefully, those of you with businesses in the default world will be able to check emails, FB, and get on the interwebz.

Also, this means we have communication with the outside world in the event of an emergency… on playa or off.  In other words, your
friends, biz associates, family, etc. can reach you, and you can reach them if there is an emergency.  Let your peeps know, if they have an
important message for you, and they can’t reach your cell phone, they can email it to:  messages@spankyswinebar.com
Or they can leave a phone message at this number: (714) 408-1388

Somebody checks for emails/voicemails several times each day.  If we get something for you, we will alert you.


FINAL-Q “WE NEED ART”
The FinalQ camp (aka PlayaQ) needs some artwork. They want to decorate the walls/tables/etc of their big tent with art related to “The
Restaurant at the End of the Universe"… aka “Milliways” (read: The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams). Any volunteers to
make some art? I know a lot of you have been asking if you could help. This would help. There are lots of good ideas from a Google
image search… check it out.  
Please let me know if you’re able to create some signs/art, and I can give you a more detailed description.

Also, please note… the FinalQ is not a Spanky’s Village kitchen.  (for more info on FinalQ, see the SWB website)


RIDESHARES AND RV SHARES
RV-MATE & RIDESHARE COORDINATOR
Rod (aka Amethyst) is the RV-mating and Ride-Sharing Coordinator for Spanky’s.  Here’s some info from Amethyst’s own pretty mouth…
“What is RV mating? Well kids, when two RVs love each other very, very much...
But seriously, if you have spot(s) open for an RV mate, or would like to join an RV crew, or are willing to have a fellow Spanker(s) road trip
with you or would like to get picked up for a road trip to the Playa or return to the default world, email Rod (Amethyst) at izcre8ive@yahoo.
com    Rod will coordinate connecting hosts with mates and riders with drivers.
Want an RV Mate?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) where you are originating from, 3) your dates of Playa arrival and exodus, 4) how many RV
mate spot(s) you have, 5) picture(s) of your ship on wheels.   No other details are needed about your amazing RV accommodations or
admission rituals and costs, you will provide the list of luxuries, oddities and costs directly to your potential RV mate(s).
Want to offer a Rideshare?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) how many Rideshare spot(s) you have, 3) where you are originating from , 4) picture of your
vehicle and 5) the dates you are starting your trek to and from the Playa and/or Reno. No other details about your sweet ride, safe word or
fares, you can brag it up with your possible captive who will need to endure your taste in music.
Want to be an RV Mate?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) dates you are planning to arrive on the Playa and return to the default world and 3) casting
couch picture. If you also need a Rideshare, include the Rideshare information below in same email.
Want to get a Rideshare?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) where you are originating from and/or heading to after exodus, 3) date(s) you are able to get
picked up and/or ejected to the default world, and 4) head shot of you on a car hood.
After I help you connect, I leave your threesome or more and you do your seductive negotiating and arrange any exchange of payment. All
mating arrangements and Rideshare agreements are settled between hosts and mates, drivers and riders.
Check Spanky's Facebook each week for status on supply and demand for these services and other updates.”
Rod (Amethyst): izcre8ive@yahoo.com


FLIGHT-FOR-LIFE INSURANCE
Every year, I post this… in case anyone is interested…
http://americanmedflight.com/Burning%20Man.shtml
This company sells “Flight for Life” insurance.  If you have a serious accident or medical emergency, there is a chance that you could
need to be flown on an aircraft to the Hospital in Reno (nearest real hospital).  These flights are not always covered by your medical
insurance (might be a good idea to check with your insurance carrier).  These flights can cost as much as $50,000.00.

If you have a medical condition that could require this type of evacuation from the playa, you might want to consider buying this insurance.  
If your current insurance doesn’t cover this, same deal.  If you don’t have insurance, same deal.  This is not required… I just want to let
everyone know that it’s available.  (The plan costs $50.00 if you have insurance… $80.00 if you don’t)


There will be one more issue of The Paddler before we all head to the playa
HugKissSpank,
~Admiral Painjoy~

SWB STAPH
Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC (head mutha fuckka in charge)
     jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com
Major D (Doug) – Camp Engineer & SMFIC (second mutha fukka in charge)
     dougl@fed-specs.com
eLeM (Lisa Marie) – Village Manager & OSMFIC (other second mutha fukka in charge)
     lunar.lemon@gmail.com
Chaz & Niloc – SWB Security Team
     chaz_allerton@yahoo.com
     collinallerton@hotmail.com
Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshifts Coordinator
     gabcarrelli@aol.com
Red Queen (Amanda) – Burning Man Ticket Maven
     ashcraaj@yahoo.com
Dirty Birdie (Eve) – Sanctuary Manager
     evevargas1@gmail.com
Master Fucking Amazing (aka Liam) – Lead Builder & Erotic Tent Manager
     wmsmith1962@yahoo.com
Christopher Robbin – LNT Coordinator & Spank-O-Matic Specialist
     crbooth@martianwind.com
Lady Raven (Rachel) & Nima – Bar Managers
     rachel.hundley@gmail.com
     nimashemirani@gmail.com
DocMoc (Mark) – Healthcare Specialist – Camp MD
     srfmrt@gmail.com
Olivia (Lazy Bar Slut) & Lady Victoria – Leaders of The MOD Squad (Mistress/Master On Duty)
     oliviarosexxx@yahoo.com
     ladyvictorianyc@gmail.com
Blackbird – RV Services Manager (with Amethyst)
     mwharri01@gmail.com
Amethyst – RV-mating and Rideshare coordinator
     izcre8ive@yahoo.com
DJ Dirty Dan – Lead DJ and DJ scheduler
     djdirtydan@gmail.com
Wheezy – Lead Camp Bitch & Camp Hippy
     irieburner@gmail.com
Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things
     lightupwire@gmail.com
Scooter – BufferZone Manager & SWB Marketing Director
     samedaysignssouth@gmail.com
Naked Larry – Shower Manager & Latex Vac-U-Bed Specialist
     larryfinley1@yahoo.com
Nixy – Stage Dancer Manager
     nixycane@gmail.com

Camp Bitches (daily camp managers):
Dr. Steve & Dr. Dave – Sunday day
Calvin & Jen – Sunday night
Paul H & Sam S – Monday day
John M & Josh B – Monday night
Dixon T & Sam N – Tuesday day
Tripp P – Tuesday night
Tate M & Abby O – Wednesday day
Nixy & Robert S. – Wednesday night
Blake D & Nate S – Thursday day
Karl K. – Thursday night
Twisted – Friday day
Wheezy – Friday night
Matt S? – Saturday day
Julien S? – Saturday night


Erotic Performing Arts Team -
Olivia MOD Squad Leader
LadyVictoria MOD Squad Leader
James/APJ/Raven/Felicity/Ammo/Danielle/Twisted

Art Cars:
Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D
Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole) – John M. (Sky)
The Magic Carpet – Twisted

Sub-Camp Leaders:
Major-D – Leader of The Camp for Sensual Pleasures
Big Rick (aka The Sheik) – Leader of FinalQ
Dragger & Healer – Leaders of Camp Lola
Scooter & Quantum – Leaders of The Buffer Zone
Ryan (Lazer) & Michael (Vlam) – Leaders of Illumelodie & Eros Tangere & Laser Dome
Steve & Dave – Playa Penthouse Leaders
The Paddler
The Monthly Newsletter for Spanky’s Wine Bar
August 2017 – Part
2
10 year anniversary edition
(collectable!)

Only
1 weeks until Burning Man…
(That’s
8 days, or 192 hours, or 11,520 minutes, or 691,200 seconds, give or take)

In this issue
…which should be read while listening to “Goin’ Home” by Dan Auerbach: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fQ8WNjrxOY

-        The Admiral’s Rant
-        The Monday Mandatory Village Welcome Meeting
-        Food/Water/Ice
-        Camp Bitches
-        Law Enforcement at Bman
-        What to do upon arriving at Spanky’s Village (redux)
-        Workshift & Managers/Specialists
-        Camp Dues
-        SWB Medallions – Nearly Sold Out
-        Final Party Weekends (redux)
-        Radio Free Spanky’s
-        Rideshares & RV shares (redux)
-        Grand Sierra Resort/Casino Afterparty!
-        Needful Things
-        SWB Management Team


THE ADMIRAL’S RANT
As I type this, I’m nearly done with a very harrowing cross-country drive.  Nonetheless, I’m very excited about Spanky’s upcoming 10th
burn… but I’m also a bit concerned.  We have a lot of newbies this year (new to Spanky’s, at least), and a lot of you aren’t reading the info on
the website and/or in these newsletters.  Consider this your final warning;  NOT READING THE WEBSITE AND NEWSLETTERS WILL F*CK
UP YOUR BURN.

But this rant has to do with signing up for workshifts. We currently only have half of our people signed up. Workshifts are what make
Spanky's operate during the event. And calling them "work” shifts is a misnomer because most of them are fun! Some examples of
workshifts are; bartending, running the spank-o-matic, dancing on stage, dressing up sexy and flogging people, or something as simple as
cleaning up.

So please go to this website www.swb.ivolunteer.com and sign up for your shifts. If you have trouble signing up on the website, Major-D can
help you: dougl@fed-specs.com

Job descriptions can be found at www.spankyswinebar.com  on the "work shifts" page.
If you don’t sign up for your work shifts now, we will make you sign up when you arrive at Spanky's prior to you being able to set up your
camp.

Gabrielle (aka Cleopatra) is available to answer any questions about work shifts. Her email address is gabcarrelli@aol.com

Rant over. Now onto your regularly scheduled newsletter.
~Admiral Painjoy~


THE MANDATORY VILLAGE WELCOME MEETING
Every year at Spanky’s, (once nearly everyone has arrived and settled in), at 5pm on Monday afternoon, we have our "Welcome to Spanky's"
meeting.  During this meeting I will go over all the final details about Spanky's village and how it operates.  I will also be introducing
everyone to the key personnel at Spanky's Village and explaining what they do.  We will also be able to answer any questions at this
meeting.  This meeting is mandatory for everybody in the village. Do not miss it.

FOOD/WATER/ICE
FOOD…
Spanky's does not have a camp “meal plan”.  So everyone must bring the food they need for the week. When shopping, remember you
won't eat as much as you think you will... don't over-buy.
But remember Spanky's does have an appetizer program: http://www.jimhillas.org/guidelines.html
With over 300 people preparing appetizers over the course of the week there, is usually food at the bar or floating around camp at any given
time.

Those of you traveling from afar will be happy to know that there are many people in Spanky's who don't mind letting you use their cooking
equipment.
Bring your own coolers to keep your food cold.

WATER…
Water is not for sale at Burning Man.  And water is not something you waste in the desert.  Conserve water when taking showers!

You need to bring all the water you need for the week. Cooking cleaning showering.  Spanky’s has camp showers.  You need to bring your
own water to the camp showers.  A typical shower uses 3-5 gallons of water. You probably won't shower every day.  2 gallons a day are
sufficient for drinking, cooking, dishes, etc.  30 gallons for the week is sufficient for a typical tent camper.  

RV campers will have water tanks in the RVs… but use water sparingly (i.e. turn off water in the shower as you lather up).  Don’t take long
showers!!!  Your RV mates will be very upset if you use up all the water.

ICE…
Ice IS for sale at burning man but…
Make sure your coolers are full of ice when you arrive at burning man. You may have to wait in line for hours to get into burning man.

Ice is sold at the 3 o’clock plaza called “Ice Cubed”… as well as at Artica in Bman Center Camp.  Ice costs $4 per bag (cubes or blocks).  
Artica and Ice Cubed are open from 9am-5pm everyday… but Spanky's will also do daily ice runs. Each day people from Spanky's will walk
around late morning to collect money. Those people will get ice for you and deliver it to the bar. Please don't leave camp until your ice is
delivered. Otherwise you will come back to a bag of water. Plan on 1-2 bags of ice per cooler per day.


CAMP BITCHES
Everyday there are certain Spankers who are the daily camp managers… we call them "Camp Bitches."  Camp bitches are roving problem
solvers.  They are experienced Spankers who can answer your questions, but they also are charged for the duty of making sure you show
up for your work shifts.  Please don't make their jobs harder....show up for your shifts on time.  If you don't the camp bitches will track you
down and cattle-prod you ;)
The list of daily camp bitches is the bottom of this letter. Please be nice to them. They do a very difficult job… and they are your friends.

There is also a list of Spanky’s Management, Specialists, and Camp Leaders at the bottom of this newsletter.  Utilize them too.  


LAW ENFORCEMENT AT BURNING MAN
A must-read:
https://burners.me/2017/08/09/how-to-deal-with-cops-at-burning-man-2017/

WHAT TO DO UPON ARRIVING AT SPANKY’S (redux)
Everyone can now view the Spanky’s Village Map on the SWB website (Don’t be concerned if you don’t see your name on the map… only
certain Spankers get “named” on the map):  http://www.jimhillas.org/campmap.html  
The map shows the “check-in” location (SWB HQ), and a parking area nearby that you can use while you check-in.  This is where you will go
when you arrive.  Checking-in is required for EVERYONE, regardless of what camp you are in.  Checking-in is our Village’s version of
Greeting & Placing.

Check-ins will be done in groups, at the “top of the hour”, on Saturday-Monday (Aug 26-28).  The check-in tent is open from 8am-1am those
days (after Monday, we check people in as they arrive).  So if you arrive at 11:15am (Sat-Mon), you will need to park and hang out for 45
mins, until the next group-check-in-session.  DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PLACE YOURSELF IN (WHAT YOU THINK IS) YOUR CAMPING SPOT…
even if you have the camp map, from the website… things might have changed.

If you arrive after-hours, and nobody is awake to check you in, please park in the Check-in Parking Area and get some rest/sleep until we
open in the morning.  If the weather is bad and you don’t have an RV, there are many places you can throw a sleeping bag and ground pad
for a few hours (Sanctuary Tent, PlayaQ Tent, Check-in Tent).  Once again, DO NOT set up your camp until you have been checked-in.

The Spanky’s Village Greeter/Placers are:  Admiral Painjoy, eLeM, Major-D, Cate, Sharkbait, and Wheezy.

When you check-in, you will be given a “Welcome Pack” which will contain important information, gifts, your camp namebadge, workshift
schedule, etc.  If you have and RV, you’ll also need to find Blackbird, to get your info about your RV pump-outs at this time.  If you purchased
SWB medallions or SWB drinking glasses, you’ll receive them at this time.

Once you’ve been checked-in, an SWB Placer will take you to your camping location and show you where some important camp amenities
are located (electric outlets, showers, etc).  We will also make note of your location (for the master-map) and log vehicle license plate #s.

Once you’re all set-up, you will need to park non-essential vehicles in one of the designated parking areas, outside of camp

CAMP DUES
If you still have not paid your camp dues, please DO NOT mail a check. The only ways to pay dues at this point is only the website via
PayPal ($325) or bring cash to the playa ($350). There are quite a few of you that still haven't paid dues...we need the money dammit.   We
still haven’t made our budget,.

SWB MEDALLIONS – NEARLY SOLD OUT!
We only have around 12 left!
Our medallions (necklaces) are gold this year… that right… fuckin gold, muthafukkaaaaaaaa.  
The medallions, this year, are the traditional design, but they are plated with real 22 karat gold (with a protective “over-coating” for long life).  
Happy 10th Anniversary Spankers!

I’ll bet you’re wondering how much MORE it’s gonna cost ya for one of these gold necklaces, huh?  That’s the best part… only $5 more than
the non-gold ones from last year.  Gold medallions for $25.00!… you’re welcome.

We don’t have many left, so don’t miss the boat.  They’re gonna sell-out.  Go to the SWB website and buy yours now!  http://www.jimhillas.
org/schwag.html

I can’t tell you how many times Spankers (on the playa) ask me if there are any necklaces left to purchase.  And I have to tell them that they
are all gone.  And then they cry… like little babies, they cry.  And I have to hug them, and stroke their hair, and tell them that they are pretty… I
don’t have time for this ;)  Don’t let this happen to you.  They cost $25.00 each.  They are beautiful.  They cure most diseases.  They can be
used to locate true north, or water, or lawyers, or fashionable parties.  And they are guaranteed to get you laid (just ask anyone who has
one).  Quite an amazing deal, huh!?  



FINAL WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS (one before Bman… one after)
You may soon be contacted by Liam (Master Fucking Amazing – our lead builder) and/or Donna (Felicity Always) regarding our upcoming
work/party weekends.  We have one more pre-burn THIS WEEKEND (Aug 18-21)… there’s still a lot to be done.  More info on the SWB
website: http://www.jimhillas.org/skunkworks.html

Work/party weekends are when/where we build, paint, organize, maintain, and create all of the cool stuff that Spanky’s brings to Bman.  
There’s something for everyone to do!  These will be held at Liam & Donna’s farm… aka The Kinky Mountain Farm (a beautiful place in
Garden Valley, CA).

If you live in the western US, you are expected to attend (at least) one of these weekends.  We need ya!  And these weekends are lots of fun
too!
Here’s the work/party weekends schedule:
Aug 18-21 (Skunkworks & Kinky Mountain Farm – Sacramento/Garden Valley, CA)
Sept 7-10 Post burn… The Last Hurrah!:  The Clean-up & Pack-it-all-away-for-the-year work/party (Kinky Mountain Farm - Garden Valley,
CA).  WE WILL NEED A LOT OF SPANKERS FOR THIS ONE!

RADIO-FREE SPANKY’S
We should have our radio station up and running before Bman starts.  So when you get to Gerlach, tune your vehicle’s radio to 100.5 fm.  
We will be broadcasting, live from Spanky’s.  I’m not sure of the exact spot (Gerlach, playa entrance, gate, greeters?), but at some point, you
should begin hearing our broadcast.  Make a note of where you heard it (clearly) first, and let us know, when you arrive at SWB… we’re
curious about our broadcast range.

Plus, our DJs will be playing fun music and doing “shout-outs” and song dedications to those waiting in line.

And yes, we will be broadcasting our music, shows, events all week long… all over the playa.  If you have an art-car with speakers, make
sure you have FM radio capability, so you can hear Spanky’s wherever you go on the playa!

RIDESHARES AND RV SHARES
RV-MATE & RIDESHARE COORDINATOR
Rod (aka Amethyst) is the RV-mating and Ride-Sharing Coordinator for Spanky’s.  Here’s some info from Amethyst’s own pretty mouth…
“What is RV mating? Well kids, when two RVs love each other very, very much...
But seriously, if you have spot(s) open for an RV mate, or would like to join an RV crew, or are willing to have a fellow Spanker(s) road trip
with you or would like to get picked up for a road trip to the Playa or return to the default world, email Rod (Amethyst) at izcre8ive@yahoo.
com    Rod will coordinate connecting hosts with mates and riders with drivers.
Want an RV Mate?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) where you are originating from, 3) your dates of Playa arrival and exodus, 4) how many RV mate
spot(s) you have, 5) picture(s) of your ship on wheels.   No other details are needed about your amazing RV accommodations or admission
rituals and costs, you will provide the list of luxuries, oddities and costs directly to your potential RV mate(s).
Want to offer a Rideshare?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) how many Rideshare spot(s) you have, 3) where you are originating from , 4) picture of your
vehicle and 5) the dates you are starting your trek to and from the Playa and/or Reno. No other details about your sweet ride, safe word or
fares, you can brag it up with your possible captive who will need to endure your taste in music.
Want to be an RV Mate?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) dates you are planning to arrive on the Playa and return to the default world and 3) casting couch
picture. If you also need a Rideshare, include the Rideshare information below in same email.
Want to get a Rideshare?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) where you are originating from and/or heading to after exodus, 3) date(s) you are able to get
picked up and/or ejected to the default world, and 4) head shot of you on a car hood.
After I help you connect, I leave your threesome or more and you do your seductive negotiating and arrange any exchange of payment. All
mating arrangements and Rideshare agreements are settled between hosts and mates, drivers and riders.
Check Spanky's Facebook each week for status on supply and demand for these services and other updates.”
Rod (Amethyst): izcre8ive@yahoo.com

THE AFTER PARTIES IN RENO
The Grand Sierra Resort and Casino is Spanky’s preferred location for partying after Bman.  Rooms will sell out very soon, so if you want to
join us there… book your rooms now!  In my opinion, it’s the best hotel in Reno, with the nicest pool (and other amenities).
https://www.grandsierraresort.com/

NEEDFUL THINGS
If anyone has any of these things, and they can fit them into their packing… please bring them for Spanky’s to borrow/use (write your name
on anything you want back after):

Extra camp chairs
Bean bag chairs
Mattresses, sheets, pillows
Prizes (for the vibrator races)
Extension cords
Folding tables
Hitchikers guide decorations
Kink toys
Fabric
Sewing and crafting supplies

I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE ALL YOUR DUSTY FACES!
HugKissSpank,
~Admiral Painjoy~


SWB STAPH
Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC (head mutha fuckka in charge)
      jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com
Major D (Doug) – Camp Engineer & SMFIC (second mutha fukka in charge)
      dougl@fed-specs.com
eLeM (Lisa Marie) – Village Manager & OSMFIC (other second mutha fukka in charge)
      lunar.lemon@gmail.com
Chaz & Niloc – SWB Security Team
      chaz_allerton@yahoo.com
      collinallerton@hotmail.com
Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshifts Coordinator
      gabcarrelli@aol.com
Red Queen (Amanda) – Burning Man Ticket Maven
      ashcraaj@yahoo.com
Dirty Birdie (Eve) – Sanctuary Manager
      evevargas1@gmail.com
Master Fucking Amazing (aka Liam) – Lead Builder & Erotic Tent Manager
      wmsmith1962@yahoo.com
Christopher Robbin – LNT Coordinator & Spank-O-Matic Specialist
      crbooth@martianwind.com
Lady Raven (Rachel) & Nima – Bar Managers
      rachel.hundley@gmail.com
      nimashemirani@gmail.com
DocMoc (Mark) – Healthcare Specialist – Camp MD
      srfmrt@gmail.com
Olivia (Lazy Bar Slut) & Lady Victoria – Leaders of The MOD Squad (Mistress/Master On Duty)
      oliviarosexxx@yahoo.com
      ladyvictorianyc@gmail.com
Blackbird – RV Services Manager (with Amethyst)
      mwharri01@gmail.com
Amethyst – RV-mating and Rideshare coordinator
      izcre8ive@yahoo.com
DJ Dirty Dan – Lead DJ and DJ scheduler
      djdirtydan@gmail.com
Wheezy – Lead Camp Bitch & Camp Hippy
      irieburner@gmail.com
Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things
      lightupwire@gmail.com
Scooter – BufferZone Manager & SWB Marketing Director
      samedaysignssouth@gmail.com
Naked Larry – Shower Manager & Latex Vac-U-Bed Specialist
      larryfinley1@yahoo.com
Nixy – Stage Dancer Manager
      nixycane@gmail.com

Camp Bitches (daily camp managers):
Dr. Steve & Dr. Dave – Sunday day
Calvin & Jen – Sunday night
Paul H & Sam S – Monday day
John M & Josh B – Monday night
Dixon T & Sam N – Tuesday day
Tripp P – Tuesday night
Tate M & Abby O – Wednesday day
Nixy & Robert S. – Wednesday night
Blake D & Nate S – Thursday day
Karl K. – Thursday night
Twisted – Friday day
Wheezy – Friday night
Matt S? – Saturday day
Julien S? – Saturday night


Erotic Performing Arts Team -
Olivia MOD Squad Leader
LadyVictoria MOD Squad Leader
James/APJ/Raven/Felicity/Ammo/Danielle/Twisted

Art Cars:
Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D
Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole) – John M. (Sky)
The Magic Carpet – Twisted

Sub-Camp Leaders:
Major-D – Leader of The Camp for Sensual Pleasures
Big Rick (aka The Sheik) – Leader of FinalQ
Dragger & Healer – Leaders of Camp Lola
Scooter & Quantum – Leaders of The Buffer Zone
Ryan (Lazer) & Michael (Vlam) – Leaders of Illumelodie & Eros Tangere & Laser Dome
Steve & Dave – Playa Penthouse Leaders