Spanky's Wine Bar
“When you drink wine... you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow"

Job:  Daily Village Supervisor (Camp Bitch) -
***You must have minimum 2 yrs SWB experience to do this job***

Objective: To act as the "Village Supervisor", oversee the village staff, toys and
infrastructure.  Ensure that Spankers show up for their workshifts.  Act as roving
problem solver.

Shift Duration: 8 hours (counts as 4 hours of workshifts each if doing it with partner)
Hours of Operation: 10am-6pm or 6pm-2am

Equipment Needed:  Village Map, Megaphone, SWB Vest/Hat, Paper/Pen, Workshift
Schedule, Flashlight, SWB radio.
Know location of FA kit, senior SWB staff, medical staff, security staff, fire
extinguishers, "Floaters"

Description:  Despite the title, Camp Bitch should usually be a fun and pleasant job with
an attitude that reflects the same.  Please have a clear head for your entire shift.

Acquire needed equipment at the beginning of your shift from "Lady Raven" at SWB HQ
(Village Manager) or previous Camp Bitch.  Ensure that Spankers show up for their
workshifts.  Plug-in "Floaters" to fill-in for those who didn't show up for their shifts.
Terminate the shift of any Spanker that is being unsafe or is doing their job so badly that
you feel it must be stopped.  Check to see if workers need anything (sunscreen, food,
water, etc)

Periodically check on structures, toys and other equipment for safety and security.  
Periodically check on generator fuel level and contact "Admiral Painjoy" or "Major-D" if
gennie needs filling (1/4 tank or less).

Welcome any new Spankers (village members) as they arrive at Bman.  Let them know
that the first thing they should do is be officially "Greeted" by Admiral Painjoy or
Amethyst or Sky.  

Check in with other SWB managers to see if they need anything (Bar, Security, MOD
Squad, Dancers, Kitchen/Sanctuary, etc.)

Know how to handle and report emergencies.  Cooperate with BRC Rangers and/or
Law Enforcement if a situation arises.  Wear hat and vest during shift.  Return
equipment to SWB HQ at the end of your shift (or give equipment to the next Camp
Inform Lady Raven or Admiral Painjoy of any shift troubles or emergencies.
Job:  Bartender (Grape-Slinger)
Objective:  To serve the gift of wine and beer to customers.  To encourage fun,
games and dancing.

Shift Duration:  4 hours

Hours of Operation:  10am-2am

Equipment Needed:  Everything you need should be located at the bar


Health Code Stuff-
We don't serve fresh squeezed juice.  
If a drink is made with ice, follow these three rules...
1- don't put your hands in the ice, ever!  Use a scoop.
2- we only use ice that has been purchased from Burningman/Artica.  
3- the ice cooler has NOTHING in it but pure ice and it is sanitized daily.  White wines
and beer are chilled in a different cooler than the bar/drink ice!!!  This is important, don't
break the rule.  
And don't serve drinks in used cups unless it is the customer's personal cup.

The bartenders are also encouraged to keep the bar fun and sexy.  Use the music and
the microphone to your advantage.  Encourage customers to play the bar games... but
NEVER insist that they have to!  
Encourage bartop/stage dancing.
The vibe should be fun but not overly rowdy.  The scene should be sexy but not
creepy/sleezy.  If things get out of hand, nothing stops a 'bad scene' faster than killing
the music.  If you need help with unruly customers, there will be a 'bouncer' available to
help.  Know who the bouncers are.

The bartenders should always have a lighter or two and there should be ashtrays on
the bar.  Please empty the ashtrays often, but be very careful not to dump "hot
embers" into the trash!  Know where the fire extinguisher is and know how to use it.

For health code reasons, we are not supposed to serve food to the general public,
only to our camp-mates and friends.  Exception- The official SWB Wine & Cheese
party, which is approved and overseen by the NV Dept. of Health

There will be a "bar back" during each shift.  The bar back's job is to help the
bartenders maintain the bar stock and cleanliness of the bar.  Bartenders should also
read the job descriptions for their bar backs.

Please keep the bar & trash organized.  There will be two types of trash cans at the
bar... one for general trash, one for recyclables.  Use them properly.

And finally, and most important... CHECK IDs!!!  The law enforcement personnel at
Bman actually DO perform "sting operations".  No shit!  They send under-aged people
to the bars of bman to "test" us.  If you serve a minor, the bar can be shut down.  If
you serve a minor, YOU can be subject to steep fines and possible jail time.  Don't take
a chance, card everyone who appears to be under 30.  If they don't have their ID with
them, politely ask them to go and get it.  They must be over 21 to be served alcohol.
They must be over 18 to be in the adult-activities area (sexy stuff).
Job:  Bar Back (Bar Bitch)

Shift Duration:  4 hours

Hours of Operation:  10am-2am

Equipment needed:  Everything you need should be at the bar.  Know the location of
the beer/wine, for when restocking is needed.

Description:  The bar back keeps the logistics of the bar flowing smoothly.  Make sure
the bartenders have everything they need at their fingertips.
Make sure the bartenders have full wine bottles ready (with our wine labels already on
them).  Use funnels to add more wine to existing (labelled bottles).  Put new labels on
wine bottles... only put new labels on the bottles when the old ones become damaged
or unreadable.  Don't put bottles with our labels in the coolers as the ice/water will ruin
the labels.  Chill white wines in the coolers with the existing (real) labels, then funnel
the wine into the serving bottles (our labels) as needed.

Make sure your hands are clean when working in the coolers!

Keep the trash/recycling organized.  As cans fill up, pull out the bag and tie it off with a
twist-tie.  Then put a new bag in the can.  All aluminum cans should be crushed and
stored separately so we can bring them to recycle camp the following day.  All other
recycling and general trash bags should be distributed evenly amongst village
members for disposal after the event.

Keep the bartop free of trash/junk, clean and organized.  There are cleaning supplies
located under the bar.  Use disinfectant spray as needed.  Keep the supplies under the
bar neat and organzed.  If we are running out of bar supplies (cups, cleaning products,
etc) alert the Bar Manager.

Keep the ground surrounding the bar free of trash.

Do not leave a messy, sticky bar for the next shift to clean.

Act as a "go-fer" if the bartenders need anything else.
Job: Ice Runner (Chilly Willy)

Objective:  To take ice orders (and collect money) for village members and the bar,
go buy ice, bring it back to camp and make sure everyone gets their ice.  Also,
deliver used/crushed aluminum cans to recycle camp

Shift Duration:  4 hours

Hours of Operation:  10am-2pm

Equipment Needed:  Paper (clipboard), SWB radio, pen, money pouch (located at

Description:  Prior to beginning, find a person in camp with an art-car and ask if they
could drive you to and from "Camp Arctica" for the ice run.

At 10am go to SWB HQ and get the supplies needed.  The clipboard should note the
cost of ice (per bag of cubes or block).  Then find Admiral Painjoy who will give you
money for the "bar ice/camp" order.  Then use the megaphone and walk around the
village announcing that you are taking ice orders for the village, and Spankers should
come to the bar to meet you and place (and pay for) their ice order.  

As you take orders, collect the money needed for each persons order (give change
immediately if you can) and WRITE EVERYTHING down!  Note their name, how many
bags of cubes/blocks each person ordered, how much they paid and how much
change they are to receive (if change wasn't made on the spot).  Be very careful not to
lose the money or the paperwork!!!

Once sufficient time has been given for everyone to place their orders, find the Bar
Manager to see if there are any bags of cans to be delivered to "Recycle Camp"
(located in or near center camp).  Then jump on the art car, deliver the cans, and then
get in line to buy ice.

After ice is purchased, load it onto the art car and go immediately back to camp.  Then
immediately make an announcement that the ice orders have arrived and that people
should come to the bar area to pick up their ice.  Bar ice should be given to the "Bar
Backs" so they can load it into the coolers.  And as people come to collect their ice
orders, you should note it on the paperwork and give change as needed.  Then walk
through camp and announce the ice order arrival to any stragglers (or those who are
apparently hard-of-hearing)

Return the supplies to SWB HQ when done.
Job:  LNT Staff (Police Call) Daily Camp Clean-up

Objective:  To ensure the village is free of M.O.O.P. (matter out of place - aka trash)

Shift Duration:  4 hours

Hours of Operation:  8am - 12pm

Equipment needed:  Cleaning supplies, trash bags, gloves (all at the bar)

Description:  Wear rubber gloves during this job.  Clean and organize the bar and bar
trash/recycling cans at the bar.  Walk through the village and pick up any and all
trash...  This includes areas around all camp toys, structures, shower area, across the
esplanade, by the burn platform, etc.

If you find a village member's camp/area to be particularly messy (with litter strewn
about that could blow away in the wind), feel free to politely chastise them.

Walk the streets on either side of the village and pick up trash.

Aluminum cans go to the Bar Manager.  Bags full of other recyclables and general
trash get distributed evenly amongst village members for disposal after the event.

Return cleaning products to their proper place under the bar when done.... then go
take a shower stinky!  ;)
Job:  Master/Mistress/Slave (aka M.O.D. Squad - Mistress (or Master) On Duty)

Objective:  To provide entertainment and a fun/safe BDSM scene for participants
and to put on a good show for the crowd.  This is done to the extent of your
comfort level and that of your slave/master/mistress.

Shift Duration:  4 hours

Hours of Operation:  2pm - 2am

Equipment Needed:  BDSM toys and cleaning supplies (located in the Bondage Tent),
a sexy outfit, an open mind, sunglasses or a mask if you want to remain incognito

Description:  First and foremost, all "scenes" will be safe and consensual.  Nobody will
be forced or coerced into doing anything they don't freely want to do.  And safe words
will be used to control the scene.  Participants will inform each other that the safe
word "yellow" means that the scene is getting too intense and the Master/Mistress
should "back down" a bit, but the scene doesn't have to end yet.  The safe word "red"
means that the slave would like the scene to end now.  Honor the safe words.  If gags
are used in the scene, use agreed upon "safe gestures".

There will be no public fluid exchange.  The public bondage wall and other associated
toys are not about sex, they are about entertainment.  They are however, about being
sexy... and kinky... and perverted... but in a fun way.  Actual sex is between you and
whomever your consenting partner is and should be done in a private session (not
open to the public).

All scenes will usually involve at least two people from Spanky's.  One (or more) to
perform the "scene" and one (or more) to control the crowd.  The "crowd control
person" makes sure that nobody gets too close to accidentally get hit by a
whip/paddle/etc AND to make sure that onlookers don't interfere with the scene or
take unauthorized photos/video.

Non SWB couples/groups ARE allowed to use the toys/equipment (ie. be both
Dom and sub) but only under the supervision of a SWB M.O.D Squad member, to
control the crowd and enforce the rules.

If you are unsure of how to use any of the equipment safely and properly (whips,
paddles, etc.) don't use them until you have learned (Leaders of the MOD Squad are
happy to give lessons).  When finished with the toys, clean them and keep them
stored in their proper place.

Upon meeting a new participant, ask them if they have ever done this before and get
as much info as you can about what they want to happen during the session.  Find out
about the degree of nudity they are comfortable with.
Make sure there is a complete understanding between the dom/sub regarding what
their limits and/or comfort levels are.  The more you/they know, the better the session
will be for everyone.

Keep the scene fun and entertaining!
Job:  Spanky's Ambassador (Carnival Barker)

Objective:  To entice the citizens of BRC to partake in the toys and attractions of the
village.  To act as emcee and rile the crowd when appropriate.  To make the village
more fun!!!  Entice passers-by on the streets to come into the bar

Shift Duration:  4 hours

Hours of Operation:  2pm - 2am

Equipment Needed:  Megaphone and a sexy outfit

Description:  When the bar, attractions, toys, etc are not crowded or being used, it is
your job to go out on the street with a megaphone and entice people to come into our
space.  You can adopt whatever tone suits you... Carnival barker, game show host,
snarky reporter, circus ring leader, info-mercial salesman, etc.

When the bar area is crowded, but the toys and other camps spaces are not being
used, your job is to mingle through the crowd and greet our guests (no megaphone
needed).  Let them know about all the attractions in the village.  Give them a tour of
the camps in the village if they want one.  Introduce them to
Masters/Mistresses/Slaves that are on duty or available.  Tell them about the bar
games.  Introduce them to other Spankers and other patrons at the bar.  Let them
know that they are welcome to dance on the bar or stage.  Get customers to interact
with each other... be a matchmaker!

Promote the upcoming camp events (see the events page or events schedule at the
bar for details).  Recruit camp slaves!  We all need slaves for massages, foot rubs,
cooking, etc.  The bar area and other camps could always use more human benches!  
;)  Let the customers know that they are in a safe space and it's OK to get their freak
on... within our limits.

Some people will be happy to just sit and chat at the bar with their friends, and that's
fine.  Other people need a little social nudge to get them out of their shells... those are
the people you are looking for.

When the whole camp is totally rocking, get on the megaphone and
cheerlead/commentate the wild things that are going on (bondage wall, spank-o-matic,
etc.  Be fun, be humorous, promote the village and/or camp names often.

SWB Security Team - (aka Diplomat)

Objective:  To check IDs at the door.  To protect the village, it's members and
customers.  To guard private spaces.

Shift duration:  4 hours

Hours of Operation:  2pm - 2am

Equipment Needed:  Flashlight, security vest, SWB radio, a talent for diplomacy

Description:  The Security Team's main job is to ensure the security of the village
during peak hours.  To make sure that there are no under-age persons drinking
alcohol or viewing "adult oriented" scenes in the village.  Also, to ensure that the
dancers and mistresses are not being harassed by anyone.  And to guard private
spaces when there are private scenes happening that are not open to the general

Security's job is not one of violence or harsh confrontation, but rather, one of
diplomacy and reason.  If any situation escalates to a threat of violence, the Diplomat
should immediately attempt to contact a BRC Ranger or law enforcement.  The only
exception to this rule would be an immanent threat to somebody else's safety, at
which time the bouncer will shout "code blue" along with the location where help is
needed.  At that point, every member of the village within earshot will come to the
bouncers/patrons aid in a attempt to stop any ensuing violence from occurring.

The Village Manager must be made aware of any situations as soon as possible.
Job:  Spank-O-Matic Operator (Red Cheek)

Objective:  To safely administer spankings to our customers on the world famous
Spank-O-Matic machine.

Shift Duration:  2 hours

Hours of Operation:  As determined by Sky (John M)

Equipment Needed:  A sexy costume, a riding crop and the Spank-O-Matic, oh yeah,
and a finger!

Description:  Do not operate the machine unless you have been trained in it's use by
Sky or another qualified instructor.

Prior to administering spankings, make sure the customer is positioned properly
(hands on knees and bent at the waist and knees) and that they are not wearing
anything that could hurt/stab them when the paddle strikes.  Inform customers that
they must resist the temptation to put their hands behind them during the spanking as
this could cause a broken finger.  Nudity is allowed and encouraged, but not required.  
The customer should be informed to say "thank you" when they have had enough

A riding crop is useful when positioning people to the right height and distance from
the machine to receive a proper spank.  Pay close attention to the customer when you
depress the trigger to ensure that they are following the rules.  Stop when they say
"thank you" or if you notice a problem or malfunction.

If there are many people waiting for a spanking, try to keep them a bit organized.  
Ask the crowd to keep a safe distance from the scene.  Pictures are only allowed
with the customer's permission.  

Safety: The Operator’s job is to spank the SOM participants by depressing the SOM
activator button.  Be sure to try it on yourself to understand how firm it is and how
quickly it can re-cycle.  It is important that you pay close attention to everything that is
happening, particularly the reactions of the participant.  DO NOT start spanking until
everything is ready and safe.  Stop spanking if the participant takes his/her hands off
his/her knees, or if you see any problem with the machine or situation.  Check the
SOM often for loose parts.  Do not allow anyone within 5 ft. of the SOM except for
the participant.  NEVER give the controls to anyone else.  If you need to put the
controls down for any reason, turn off the machine first by disconnecting the air
supply.  If the machine becomes unsafe in any way, shut it down and fix it, or find
someone who can.  

Hello Camp - Dirty Namebadge Distributor

Objective:  To distribute funny/dirty Hello Camp name badges to passers-by and to
promote the village's events and attractions

Shift Duration:  4 hours

Hours of Operation:  2pm-2am

Equipment Needed:  Name badges & trash bag (kept inside the bar), costume or cool

Description:  These are pre-made namebadges (ie. "Hello... My Name is:") with
humorous/dirty names on them.  Sometimes they are clever double-entendres,
sometimes they are obvious, sometimes you need to say them out loud a few times
before you get the dirty meaning of the name.

You (and partner if you have one) go out on the street and stop people.  You give
them a new dirty name badge.  You throw the trash in the trash bag.

This is a very social job.  You will make lots of new friends.  You will make lots of
people laugh.  You should also use this job to help promote village events, DJs, MPR,

Stage Dancer

Objective:  To dance and be the unobtainable god/goddess that you are

Hours of Operation:  2pm - 2am

Equipment Needed:  Sexy Costume (or skimpy costume... or no costume!)

Description:  To entertain the crowds at the bar area by dancing on the bar top or the
dancer stages.  This job is meant for both males and females.  Dress sexy... or
undress sexy!  (Or dress silly and dance silly).  The DJ should be playing dance-able
music for you.  If he isn't, politely ask him if he could.  Please have a clear head while
dancing so that you don't fall.  If you are being harassed by anyone, alert the bouncer,
camp bitch, ambassador or the bartenders.  ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO JOIN YOU!  
Drink water between shifts.
Job:  Teeter Totter Operator (Spinner)
Description:  To safely give rides to people on the Teeter Totter of Death

Shift Duration:  4 hours

Hours of Operation:  2pm - 2am

Equipment Needed:  Work Gloves and a Security Person

Description:  As the security person sends you new pairs of customers, you assist
them getting on the ride.  Seat the lighter person first, then pull down the empty chair
with the rope, then seat the heavier person.  Then use the sliding counter-weight to
balance the two people.  Let them know that they can make the teeter totter move up
and down by moving their body weight forward and backward.  When they are ready,
you can begin to spin the machine.

The rides should last for 2-3 minutes.  Dismount the heavier person first while keeping
your body weight on their end.  Then slowly lower the lighter person down with the
rope so they can dismount.

It is very important that you get training before you operate this.  Make sure you have
a clear head... if the machine hits you in the head it could cause serious injury.  Make
sure not to operate the machine if onlookers are within the safety fence area.
Job:  Teeter Totter Security (Compound Fracture)

Objective:  To organize the line of people waiting to ride the TToD and to ensure that
nobody enters the perimeter until invited

Shift Duration:  4 hours

Hours of Operation:  2pm - 2am

Equipment Needed:  Safety Vest, Flashlight (night), know location of FA kit

Description:  To ensure that unauthorized persons don't enter the safety fence area
until invited to ride the machine.  To assist the operator as needed with mounting and
dismounting customers.  To keep the waiting line organized.
Job: Chairway to Heaven Operator (aka Tower Chief)

Objective: To safely operate the Chairway-to-Heaven, also known as The Tower.

Hours of Operation: 2pm - 2am

Duration: 4 hrs

Equipment and Skills Needed: Chairway-to-Heaven.  Gloves optional.  Good back and
good upper-body strength.  Water to drink, since this can require a fair amount of
physical effort.

Description:  The Chairway offers a fantastic way to view Burning Man from a height of
4 stories, and anyone sitting at the top will be the highest citizen of Black Rock City.  Or
at least will be at the greatest altitude.  As a Tower Operator, you will be worshiped
and thanked, and maybe bribed.  

Your job is to fasten the guest into the seat, load the correct amount of ballast, double-
check buoyancy, and while monitoring safety carefully, send the guest to the top for a 2-
3 minute stay.  After pulling the guest back down, you should secure the seat and allow
the guest to exit.

Good upper body strength is important, both for loading and unloading 25-lb counter-
balance weights, and for pulling the chair 40-feet back down from the top.

Properly operated, the Chairway is completely safe.  Unfortunately, a mistakes could
be dangerous.  Hands-on training will be provided to all operators by the Chairway
coordinator, Major-D, or by some other qualified operator.  If the Chairway is locked,
the Tower Coordinator and Major-D will have keys to unlock it.

Safety:  Because mistakes can be dangerous, correct operation of the Chairway is
absolutely critical.  No one should attempt to operate the tower who has not received
training from a qualified operator/trainer.

Furthermore, it’s really important that the 5-point harness for the seat be properly
fastened and tested.  A guest is likely to die if he or she falls 40’, and under no
circumstances should a guest be allowed to ride who is not properly fastened.  The
operator should also carefully assess the rider’s mental attitude.  If someone seems so
unstable or intoxicated that they may unfasten themselves, don’t let them ride.

Children under 18 should not be allowed to ride without their parents consent and

It’s very important that the correct amount of ballast be loaded for each guest, and that
the seat be checked for proper buoyancy.  Too much buoyancy, or pulling the lock-
down pin without checking, may result in an uncontrolled rise, with serious
consequences when the seat reaches the top of the tower.  The lock-down pin should
not be pulled unless and until the Operator and Brakeman both agree that everything is
ready to go.

It’s very important that the seat be allowed to rise at a controlled rate, and that the
travel be slowed to a crawl as the seat reaches the final inches of its travel.

People will be standing directly below the guest in the tower, and anything dropped
from that height could easily penetrate the skull of someone underneath.  No one should
be allowed to take anything up with them that could be dropped.  Only allow a camera
if it has a neck strap, and that neck strap is around the guest’s neck.  Either the
operator or brakeman should be watching at all times for dropped objects and react
accordingly if something is seen to be falling.

Only qualified and trained operators are allowed to operate the Chairway.  The training
is neither complex nor lengthy, but it is mandatory.

NEVER leave the Chairway unattended and unlocked.  If you must leave, and another
qualified operator is not present to assume responsibility, LOCK THE CHAIRWAY SO
Spanky's Workshifts
We are "Party Throwers" as well as "Party Goers"
Being a member of Spanky's (the best damn bar on the
playa) is more fun than a barrel of
oil-covered-lesbian-midget-monkies-on-exstacy (just take
my word for it, that's fun).  But that also means that we ALL
have to do our share of the work on the playa to create a
safe, fun environment.

Please contact the appropriate SWB manager (of the
job(s) you're interested in) if you have questions, and to let
them know that you're going to help, so they can manage
their schedules!  See the June (part 2) newsletter for
names and emails of these SWB staff memebers:
click here

Everyone must contribute in some meaningful way.  There are lots of
different things to do.  There's something for everybody.  And we have
people in camp that can teach you any of these jobs.  Everyone should
at least 12 hours of their time at Burning Man to workshifts in
Spanky's Village.


Here is a list of some of the ways you can contribute:

> Coffee Caretaker <
> Bartending or Bar-backing <
> Security Team <
> Master or Mistress <
> Camp Bitch <
> Teeter Totter of Death Operator <
> LNT Staff <
> Hello Camp Namebadge Gifter <
> Spank-O-Matic Operator <
> Ambassador/Carnival Barker <
> Stage Dancer <
> DJ <
> Fire Performer <
> Daily Camp Clean-up and MOOP patrol <
> Ice Runner <
> Masseuse <
> Sanctuary Team / Fluffer <
> Floater/Infrastructure/Maintenance <
Job:  Vac-U-Bed Operator (aka Shrink Wrap)

Objective:  To safely give customers the experience of bondage in the Vac-U-Bed

Duration: 4 hours

Hours: 2pm-2am

Equipment needed:
1. The Vac-U-Bed table
2, The Vac-U-Bed (rubber and plastic tube-frame)
3. A vacuum cleaner and hose
4. An extension cord
5. Disinfectant wipes
6. A towel
7. Some WD-40.
8. A trash bag or a small trash can.

Make sure that there are no sharp objects  or cigarettes anywhere near the Vac-U-
Roll out the Vac-U-Bed.  The tubes insert into each other and create a frame
Around the inside perimeter of the Vac-U-Bed.  
Make sure the zipper is accessible to you and the breathing hole is face up
The vacuum cleaner should be plugged in and the on-off switch should be accessible.
The zipper should work freely.  Some WD40 should loosen it up

The Vac-U-Bed should be wiped down with disinfectant after each use!
The participant should not be too large or too tall (approximately 5'10" is the limit...
also 230 lbs).  There is only so much room.
A participant should be explained what will happen if they participate.
There is no prediction as to how well they will enjoy the experience.  Some love it...
some find it uncomfortable... some get claustrophobic
You must work-out a signal with the participant, so they can let you know if they
"want out" immediately (lifting and lowering their arm 3 times works good).  Verbal
signals are not reliable because the vacuum is loud, and sometimes Spanky's is very
The participant must remove their shoes and anything in their pockets along with
sharp objects.  Make sure their belongings are put in a safe place, that you can see.
The towel should be placed on the ground so they can remove their shoes.
Slipping into the Vac-U-Bed is a technique that is different for everyone.  Just tell
them to get in slow and carefully (don't let them break the tubes)
They should lie down, face up, with the air hole over their mouth.  
Zip the Vac-U-Bed up while explaining to the participant that you will be monitoring
their response.  
Start up the vacuum cleaner when they are ready.
Listen and watch the participant.  If they act uncomfortable, ask them if they want
out.  If they don’t, then just keep an eye on them.
Touching/fondling participants may NOT be done without the participant's consent!
When they signal that they are done, turn off the vacuum and zip open the Vac-U-Bed.
They will want to bring their head out first.  Help them bring their feet out and assist
them in sitting up.  
The ride is over.  Let them put on their shoes and what they took out of their pockets.
Immediately use the disinfectant wipes to clean the inside of the Vac-U-Bed.  
You can reverse the vacuum cleaner so it flows clean air into the Vac-U-Bed.
You are ready for your next participant.  
Job Descriptions
off for the last 16 years thanks to the efforts of Mayor Joey and  Admiral Painjoy.  It is one of the best rides to
ever be on the playa.  If you find yourself helping with this amazing ride, I promise you, it’s one of the most
gratifying experiences you’ll have at the Burn.  It’s a front row seat to excitement, and YOU’re the main
attraction.  None of this spectator bull shit-  YOU’re the show, YOU’re the person that’s about to make this
couple’s week!  YOU’re the person that’s going to convince these sweat and tears onto the playa- all for the
love of giving it all away to the beautiful people around you.  Expect nothing for your efforts, but give everything
you can.    This is the epitome of Burning Man.

To better prepare you for this epic Totter experience, this is how this works.

The Teeter Totter of Death is a spinning 30 foot Steel I Beam that is cantilevered 7 feet above the ground.  It
works best if it’s spinning FAST.  The totter operators are the work horses and it’s our job to keep everybody
safe.  The worst thing you can do is accidentally slam one of the sides of the totter into the ground.  While it
does have wheels, the impact will catapult the top rider forward, over the handle bars, onto the beam, then a fall
of about 18 feet.

Actually… the WORST thing you can do, is let one of the dumbass riders jump off the ride without you sitting on
the beam.  We have to remind them all the time to stay on, until the operator can hop on the beam and have
another rider ready to jump on.  People forget about gravity all the fucking time out there!- I have seen more
than my share of cute little playa bunnies riding high, only to be let down hard by their dumbass boyfriends that
felt they could step off because the ride stopped moving.

Getting it Spinning:
Because the beam is up 7 feet, you can't just push it around in circles because the beam will try to lift you up as
momentum increases.  So we work with that inertia and allow the dips to be our power sprints/digs, the ups to
be a death-defying spectacle, and a hell of a lot of fun.

Now imagine you're holding onto this massive steel beam, and you're flying around dangling on it.   When your
side comes back down, you don't simply let go and make a landing.. you're holding onto the beam, landing at a
fast clip, while trying your best to lift the beam upwards, thus preventing its trajectory from slamming right into
the ground.  When the operator finally ‘throws’ the beam and lets go, the beam should be traveling in a parallel
trajectory to the ground.  This is why most people can't be trusted to operate the totter solo.  They give up when
they land, they let go of their side, or throw it back up, and it just slams people into the ground- Launching riders
off the top side is what we DO NOT DO.

The riders need to understand that the basic Teeter totter principals apply.  The goal of the ride is to spin
without your wheels coming into contact with the ground.  If a wheel strikes, the top rider is jolted, the
momentum is slowed greatly, and they have a shorter ride.  (And that epic push you gave was wasted on these

It will be important to stress to each group of riders that they need to work in tandem.  When the top rider is
approaching the very highest point, they need to be leaning back as far as possible to make their side heavy.  
This keeps the lower side from striking the ground.  The bottom rider should working in unison with the top
rider, but rather than leaning back, they lean forward to make their lower side lighter.  So to recap-  top rider
leans back, bottom rider leans forward.   It’s beautiful poetry when the riders get it.   I will provide megaphones
to help coach riders.

With a couple of people operating the totter, one operator can be riding on top of the beam in the middle,
acting as a ‘man-meat’ counter weight (lots of posing can be accomplished up there).   We do this especially
when the two riders are over 50 lbs difference, as we can't counter-weight that much with just the sliding
weight.  (Usually we’ll have the scenario of a parent wanting to ride with their kids, or a huge guy and his tiny
girlfriend-  so we have to be very careful, as it’s the lighter riders that will be on top getting launched.)  The
beam is really fun to climb on- and we’ve got a fresh coat of paint this year.

The hardest part about this ride is closing it down.  People are waiting.. some have waited years to ride it…
they’re really hot girls, they’re awesome friends, they’re important burners…  You’re exhausted.. you’ve been
busting ass- and they say, “Please!  Just one more ride!!”….   An hour later, you realize you were duped and
gave 10 more rides, because it’s hard to deny anybody from having the chance to ride this.  I really can’t stress
how special this ride is for all that have witnessed it.  It’s a gift that we give in blood sweat and tears and
people appreciate the fuck out of what we do for them.  They will understand.  Take time to rest.

It can be tough to not let fatigue set in when dealing with all the ungratefuls-  Keep in mind that they just want to
experience this ride, its important to let people know where the cut-off in line is, and for the rest of the folks to
come back tomorrow or later tonight.  

When you get a rider on the seat- you’re allowed a very unique and intimate opportunity to interact face to face
with each person.  You can ask them how’s it going, where’s the party tonight, where’s your boyfriend,…. Etc..
You get to ask them if they read the back of their ticket,  you know… the whole “Not responsible if you die”
thing?   Give em’ a hug and welcome them home- and give them the ride of their life on the Teeter Totter of


I hate running, but anything other than running everyday will not prep your legs for the brutality of playa.   I plan
on wearing some quality running shoes for the duration of totter-ness.  In the past, I have worn sambas, and my
feet were bleeding by the end of the week (But I was running the totter for up to 7 hours a day all week long).  

Expect blisters, bring clean socks for everyday, and take care of your feet!  No sandles-  No bare feet.

If you're around a gym, power-cleans, dips, and lunges really toughen the back.  I’m trying to think of a way to
exercise my forearms without going to a rock climbing gym.   PULL-UPS, PULL-UPS, PULL-UPS!!

Also- Nutrition:  It sounds weird, but when I was prepping in year's past, I weaned myself onto 2 or 3 Ensures a
day about 10 days prior to the event.  Initially, this may cause some understandably soft stool~  So it's best to
get over that possible digestion issue prior to getting on the playa.  The reason for the liquid diet?  Imagine
how handy it is to be able to slam 3 or more fully loaded caloric meals whenever you get a spare second.  The
heat suppresses your appetite, so your body won't be able to keep up with all the exercise after just a few
days.  You’ll feel 100 times better if you can keep your body fueled and hydrated.  (probably why I didn’t have
too many hangovers either.)

If you rock the totter a few days in a row- you’ll find it harder to muster the energy and excitement to go out for
some evening dancing or day time drinking.  I’d recommend you bring some additional party favors to counter-
act this energy drain.  Bring some for me too!!!!!  J

We've never been able to get more than a couple of operators, so more often than not, it locked down to keep
accidents from happening.  But with a few people in each shift, we can really rock the lines, and have a great
time being a part of one of the best things at burning man.

This is the biggest year for Burning Man, the biggest year for Spanky’s and the Teeter Totter of Death- This
year is going to be Amazing!!!   See you on the totter-

~Trick~  (Teeter Totter of Death Specialist)

Objective: To encourage people to play the game, run the game, and give away prizes

Hours of Operation: 2pm - 2am

Duration: 4 hrs

Equipment and Skills Needed: Racetrack & Frame, Betting Stand, Color-Coded
Vibrators, Loud Voice (or Megaphone), Betting Tokens, Dry-Erase Markers, Prizes,
Colored Electrical Tape, Batteries, Wooden Board

Description:  Do a couple of test-runs before your shift begins.  If the angle of the
track needs to be adjusted, the frame allows for raising/lowering the top of the track to
increase/decrease the speed of the vibrators, during the race.

Here's a demo-video we made during a work/party weekend:
Sanctuary Team

Objective:  To be "on call" for Healthcare, Melt-Down, and First Aid related problems...
and deal with these situations

Shift Duration:  8 hrs (on-call... counts as 4 hrs of workshift time)

Hours of Operation:  10am - 2am

Equipment Needed: Medical Training (preferably Doctor, Nurse, ALS, EMT)  SWB
Radio, SWB medical kit & defibrillator, knowledge of where things are located in SWB
Sanctuary (Blackbird & Eve's area - aka Blackbird's Lair), knowledge of who has
art-cars in SWB and their locations.

Description:  Blackbird's Lair serves as a Sanctuary during Bman.  A place where
somebody who is having a playa-meltdown can retreat to, and recover.  Food, water,
shade, and comfort are available... as well as some wonderful Spankers.  Sanctuary is
also a place where Spankers can find somebody with medical training, or psychiatric
experience, or just a shoulder to cry on.

You will work in conjunction with Eve (and her Assistants), who is the leader of
Sanctuary.  They can help provide sustenance and comfort for those in need.

While SWB doesn't provide advanced medical care, we can provide first aid and
comfort.  As the Sanctuary Team volunteer, you can provide this... but more
importantly, you make "judgement calls" regarding whether or not the person in crisis
needs to be taken to EMS for immediate advanced medical support.

that the showers get pumped-out daily, locate water for Prison-Shower shows

Shift Duration:  10 hrs (on-call... counts as 4 hrs of workshift time - very low labor job)

Hours of Operation:  10am - 8pm

Equipment Needed:  Knowledge of shower operations, know where tools are located,
plastic trash bags, know where to find spare water

Objective:  Work with Naked Larry to help keep showers clean, organized and
MOOP-free.  When "low-water" alarms go off (make sure you know the sound)...add a
few cups of water to the reservoir to silence the alarms.  Instruct those in need on how
to operate the showers (signs will be posted also).  Provide SWB-water for those who
want to do public "shower shows" in the SWB "prison shower", if they don't have water
of their own.  When United Site Services shows up to pump-out RV grey-water for
Spankers, ensure that the shower kiddie-pools (and kitchen kiddie-pools) get pumped
out as well.  They usually show up around 10am.  Blackbird is in charge of RV

Objective:  To ensure that there is fresh-brewed coffee available in the mornings

Shift Duration: 2 hours

Hours of Operation:  7am - 9am

Equipment needed:  Urn, water, coffee, milk/cream, sugar, artificial sweetener,
spoons/cups, etc...all located in Eve's kitchen

Description:  At 7am, start brewing coffee (prep can be done the night before).  Set
up a coffee station with all the coffee-stuff in the serving area of Eve's kitchen.  Keep
brewing more coffee as it runs out, until 9am... at which point somebody else can take
over.  Make sure you know where everything is THE NIGHT BEFORE, so you don't
have to wake up Eve, dammit!