| Spanky's Village Jobs and Job Descriptions |
JimHillas.Org Spanky's Village
"We won't do anything to you that you won't beg for again tomorrow"
"We won't do anything to you that you won't beg for again tomorrow"
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| Listing of Village Jobs: Daily Village Supervisor (aka "Camp Bitch") Bartender (aka "Grape-Slinger") Bar-Back (aka "Bar Bitch") Daily Ice Runner (aka "Chilly Willy") LNT Staff (aka "Police Call") Mistress/Master (aka "Top") Slave (aka "Bottom") Spanky's Ambassador (aka "Cruise Director") Bouncer/Doorman (aka "Thug") Spank-O-Matic Operator (aka "Red Cheek") Orgasmatron Operator (aka "Rocket") Orgasmatron Greeter (aka "NoCumYet") Hello Camp Distributor (aka "Name Game") Bar/Stage Dancer (aka "Haughties") Fire Performer (aka "Fuegos") Fire Safety Staff (aka "Stop-Drop-And-Roll") Teeter Totter Operator (aka "Spinner") Teeter Totter Security (aka "Compound Fracture") Centrifuge Operator (aka "Pushme-Pullme") Burning Band Parade Musician (aka "Sousa") Chairway to Heaven Operator (aka "Tower") Ethyl Operator (aka "Teenage Enema Nurse") FULL TIME STAFF ? - Shower Tech (aka "Streaming Live") Charlie - Power Grid and Generator Tech (aka "Sparky") Mayor Joey - Village Fire Marshall (aka "Safety Third") Admiral Painjoy - LNT Coordinator (aka "Green Meanie") Major D - Village Sound/Lighting Engineer (aka "Geek") Jim Hillas - HMFIC (aka "Admiral Painjoy") |
| New for 2009 - Village "Work" Shifts If we are going to put on a great show... we have to actually put on a great show! But fear not gentle reader, most of these "work" shifts are pretty damn fun. Below is a listing of village jobs and job descriptions. There is something for everyone. All village members are asked to do at least 8 hours of shifts during the event. These shifts do not include the time we spend building the village or taking down the village. Those are "all hands on deck" times. Please read through the jobs and descriptions before you sign up for shifts AFTER YOU HAVE VIEWED THE JOB DESCRIPTIONS AND THE SHIFT MATRIX, THEN EMAIL ADMIRAL PAINJOY WITH THE LIST OF SHIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE jimhillas_gc (at) yahoo (dot) com |
| Job: Daily Village Supervisor (Camp Bitch) Objective: To act as the village "general manager". Oversee the village staff, toys and infrastructure. Act as village greeter for new arrivals. Act as roving problem solver. Shift Duration: 9 hours (9am-6pm or 6pm-3am) Hours of Operation: 24/7 (from 3am-9am, if there is a bartender, then he/she is the default "camp bitch") Equipment Needed: Daily Info Folder, Megaphone, Vest/Hat, Paper/Pen, 2-way radio, know location of FA kit, fire extinguishers and welcome packs, flashlight (night shift), diplomacy and patience. Description: Despite the title, Camp Bitch should usually be a fun and pleasant job with an attitude that reflects the same. Please have a clear head for your entire shift. Acquire needed equipment at the beginning of your shift from Painjoy or previous Camp Bitch. Using the daily work-shift schedule, make sure people show up for their shifts. Find replacements (if possible) for those who don't show up or can't perform their shifts. (Shift swapping is allowed) Terminate the shift of any Spanker that is being unsafe or is doing their job so badly that you feel it must be stopped. Check to see if workers need anything (sunscreen, food, water, etc) Periodically check on structures, toys and other equipment for safety and security. Periodically check on generator fuel level and contact "Sparky" if the gennie needs filling (1/4 tank or less). Remind people to bring out their appetizers if they are scheduled during your shift. Spread out the appy arrival times if possible. Appys can be passed around the village or brought to the bar. Locate cases of wine as the bar needs them. Each Spanker in the village should have brought one case with them. Locating a Spanker with a case of wine should be easy (until the end of the week). Greet any new Spankers (village members) as they arrive at Bman. Use the village map to locate their camping spot and help guide them in. Show them where the nearest plugs are. Let them know where the nearest port-a-potties are. Give them their welcome packs. Explain the contents of the welcome packs. Know how to handle and report emergencies. Cooperate with BRC Rangers and/or Law Enforcement if a situation arises. Wear hat and vest during shift. Return equipment to Painjoy at the end of your shift (or give equipment to the next Camp Bitch) Inform Painjoy of any shift troubles or emergencies. |
| Job: Bartender (Grape-Slinger) Objective: To serve the gift of wine and beer to customers. To encourage fun, games and dancing. Shift Duration: 3 hours (two bartenders per shift) Hours of Operation: 24 hours a day (but official bar shifts are from noon until 3am... any bartending from 3am-noon is voluntary and doesn't count toward shift time) Equipment Needed: Everything you need should be located at the bar Description: Wanna do something really fun?!?!... Bartend. This is one of the most socially interactive jobs on the playa. And, you can drink on the job! (just don't get "stupid-drunk") There are no set rules about 'what type of bartender' you have to be, but we are a wine bar, so work with that! One goal of the bar is to mock the snooty wine tasting bars/vinyards of California... so... One of our favorite gags is offering the customers "flights" of wine. Here's how it works: Our wines are mostly the same (two-buck-chuck cabernet and chardonnay), but they all have our fake/funny wine labels pasted over them... but our customers don't usually know this. So, you offer them a tasting (or flight) of three "different" wines. Pour a tiny bit of three wines (all white or all red) and as they taste each one, encourage them to describe the "different" flavors/characteristics of each one (but they are all the same!) Help them along too! Ask them if they taste the 'blackberry overtones' in the first wine, versus the 'floral notes' of the third wine... etc... you get the idea. As a general rule, we don't serve drinks with ice, nor do we serve fresh juice. This is for health code reasons. If a drink is made for yourself or a friend/campmate with ice, follow these three rules... 1- don't put your hands in the ice, ever! 2- we only use ice that has been purchased from burningman. 3- the ice cooler has NOTHING in it but pure ice and it is sanitized daily. White wines are chilled in a different cooler than the bar/drink ice!!! This is important, don't break the rule. And don't serve drinks in used cups unless it is the customer's personal cup. The bartenders are also encouraged to keep the bar fun and sexy. Use the music and the microphone to your advantage. Encourage customers to play the bar games. Encourage bartop dancing (and do it yourself if you wanna!) The vibe should be fun but not overly rowdy. The scene should be sexy but not creepy/sleezy. If things get out of hand, nothing stops a 'bad scene' faster than killing the music. If you need help with unruly customers, there will be a 'bouncer' available to help you, but times like this are very rare. The bartenders should always have a lighter or two and there should be ashtrays on the bar. Please empty the ashtrays often, but be very careful not to dump "hot embers" into the trash! Know where the fire extinguisher is and know how to use it. For health code reasons, we are not supposed to serve food to the general public, only to our camp-mates and friends. There will be a "bar back" during each shift. The bar back's job is to help the bartenders maintain the bar stock and cleanliness of the bar. Bartenders should also read the job descriptions for their bar backs. Please keep the trash organized. There will be three types of trash cans at the bar... one for general trash, one for burnables and one for recyclables. Use them properly. And finally, and most important... CHECK IDs!!! The law enforcement personnel at Bman actually DO perform "sting operations". No shit! They send underaged people to the bars of bman to "test" us. If you serve a minor, the bar can be shut down. If you serve a minor, YOU can be subject to steep fines and possible jail time. Don't take a chance, card everyone who appears to be under 30. If they don't have their ID with them, politely ask them to go and get it. They must be over 21 to be served alcohol. |
| Job: Bar Back (Bar Bitch) Objective: To assist the bartenders. To keep the bar stocked, organized and clean. Shift Duration: 3 hours Hours of Operation: Noon - 3am Equipment needed: Description: The bar back keeps the logistics of the bar flowing smoothly. Make sure the bartenders have everything they need at their fingertips so they can keep the wine and beer flowing and keep the bar fun. Make sure the bartenders have full wine bottles ready (with our wine labels already on them). Use funnels to add more wine to existing (labelled bottles). Put new labels on wine bottles as needed, but don't let the customers see you doing it, if possible. We only put new labels on the bottles when the old ones become damaged or unreadable. Don't put bottles with our labels in the coolers as the ice/water will ruin the labels. Chill white wines in the coolers with the existing (real) labels, then funnel the wine into the serving bottles (our labels) as needed. Make sure your hands are clean when working in the coolers! Don't put your hands in the clean bar ice. Drain/clean coolers before putting fresh ice inside. Don't make a puddle near the bar. If the bar runs out of wine, you go into camp and find a village member who has not yet donated their case of wine to the bar. Give them a case of empties in return. Each member of the village is asked to bring a case of wine for the bar and take a case of empties (and properly dispose of it) after the event. Keep the trash/recycling orgainized. As cans fill up, pull out the bag and tie it off with a twist-tie. Then put a new bag in the can. Bring all burnables to the burn platform (no plastic should be burned). All aluminum cans should be crushed and stored separately so we can bring them to recycle camp the following day. All other recyclables and general trash bags should be distributed evenly amongst village members for disposal after the event. Keep the bartop free of trash/junk, clean and organized. There are cleaning supplies located under the bar. Use disinfectant spray as needed. Keep the supplies under the bar neat and orgainzed. If we are running out of bar supplies (cups, cleaning products, etc) alert Admiral Painjoy. Find Mayor Joey if the beer keg runs out or if the keg system requires repair. Keep the ground surrounding the bar free of trash. Do not leave a messy, sticky bar for the next shift to clean. Act as a "go-fer" if the bartenders need anything else. |
| Job: Daily Ice Runner Objective: To take ice orders (and collect money) for village members and the bar, go buy ice, bring it back to camp and make sure everyone gets their ice. Also, deliver used/crushed aluminum cans to recycle camp Shift Duration: 2 hours Hours of Operation: Noon-2pm Equipment Needed: Paper, pen, money pouch (at the bar) Description: Prior to beginning, find a person in camp with an art-car and ask if they could drive you to and from "Camp Arctica" in center camp for the ice run. At noon, go to the bar and find the "ice money pouch" and a pen/paper. The pouch should note the cost of ice (per bag of cubes or block). Then find Admiral Painjoy who will give you money for the "bar ice" order. Then make an announcement over the PA system that you are taking ice orders for the village. As you take orders, collect the money needed for each persons order (give change immediately if you can) and WRITE EVERYTHING down! Note their name, how many bags of cubes/blocks each person ordered, how much they paid and how much change they are to receive (if change wasn't made on the spot). Be very careful not to lose the money or the paperwork!!! Once sufficient time has been given for everyone to place their orders, find Mayor Joey to see if there are any bags of cans to be delivered to "Recycle Camp" (also located in or near center camp. Then jump on the art car, deliver the cans, and then get in line to buy ice. After ice is purchased, load it onto the art car and go immediately back to camp. Then immediately make an announcement that the ice orders have arrived and that people should come to the bar area to pick up their ice. Bar ice should be given to the "Bar Back" so they can load it into the coolers. And as people come to collect their ice orders, you should note it on the paperwork and give change as needed. Then walk through camp and announce the ice order arrival to any stragglers (or those who are apparently hard-of-hearing) Return the money pouch and paper/pen to the bar when done. |
| Job: LNT Staff (Police Call) Objective: To ensure the village is free of M.O.O.P. (matter out of place - aka trash) Shift Duration: 2 hours Hours of Operation: 10am - Noon Equipment needed: Cleaning supplies, trash bags, gloves (all at the bar) Description: Wear rubber gloves during this job. Clean and organize the bar and bar area, including the bar top and the interior bar shelves/storage areas. Organize the trash/recycling cans at the bar. Walk through the village and pick up any and all trash... This includes areas around all camp toys, structures, shower area, across the esplanade, by the burn platform, etc. If you find a village member's camp/area to be particularly messy (with litter strewn about that could blow away in the wind), feel free to politely chastise them. Walk the streets on either side of the village and pick up trash. Burn any burnable trash at the burn platform (don't burn plastic). Aluminum cans go to Mayor Joey. Bags full of other recyclables and general trash get distributed evenly amongst village members for disposal after the event. Return cleaning products to their proper place under the bar when done.... then go take a shower stinky! ;) |
| Job: Master/Mistress/Slave (aka Top or Bottom) Objective: To provide entertainment and a fun/safe BDSM scene for participants and to put on a good show for the crowd. This is done to the extent of your comfort level and that of your slave/master/mistress. Shift Duration: 2 hours Hours of Operation: 3pm - 3am Equipment Needed: BDSM toys and cleaning supplies (located at the bondage wall), a sexy outfit, an open mind, sunglasses or a mask if you want to remain incognito Description: First and foremost, all "scenes" will be safe and consensual. Nobody will be forced or coerced into doing anything they don't freely want to do. And safe words will be used to control the scene. Participants will inform each other that the safe word "yellow" means that the scene is getting too intense and the Master/Mistress should "back down" a bit, but the scene doesn't have to end yet. The safe word "red" means that the slave would like the scene to end now. Honor the safe words. There will be no public fluid exchange. The public bondage wall and other associated toys are not about sex, they are about entertainment. They are however, about being sexy... and kinky... and perverted... but in a fun way. Actual sex is between you and whomever your consenting partner is and should be done in a private session (not open to the public). All scenes will usually involve at least two people from Spanky's. One (or more) to perform the "scene" and one (or more) to control the crowd. The "crowd control person" makes sure that nobody gets too close to accidentally get hit by a whip/paddle/etc AND to make sure that onlookers don't interfere with the scene or take unauthorized pics/video Non SWB couples/groups ARE allowed to use the toys/equipment (ie. be both dom and sub) but only under the supervision of a SWB person to contol the crowd and enforce the rules. If you are unsure of how to use any of the equipment safely (whips, paddles, etc) don't use them until you have learned (Painjoy can show you). When toys are not in use, keep them stored behind the wall. Upon meeting a new participant, ask them if they have ever done this before and get as much info as you can about what they want to happen during the session. Find out about the degree of nudity they are comfortable with and whether pictures are allowed (some people are OK with pictures as long as their face is not in the pic) Make sure there is a complete understanding between the dom/sub regarding what their limits and/or comfort levels are. The more you/they know, the better the session will be for everyone. Keep the scene fun and entertaining! |
| Job: Spanky's Ambassador (Cruise Director) Objective: To entice the citizens of BRC to partake in the toys and attractions of the village. To act as emcee and rile the crowd when appropriate. To make the village more fun!!! Shift Duration: 2 hours Hours of Operation: 3pm - 3am Equipment Needed: Megaphone and a sexy outfit Description: When the bar, attractions, toys, etc are not crowded or being used, it is your job to go out on the Esplanade with a megaphone and entice people to come into our space. You can adopt whatever tone suits you... Carnival barker, game show host, snarky reporter, circus ring leader, info-mercial salesman, etc. When the bar area is crowded, but the toys and other camps spaces are not being used, your job is to mingle through the crowd and greet our guests (no megaphone needed). Let them know about all the attractions in the village. Give them a tour of the camps in the village if they want one. Introduce them to Masters/Mistresses/Slaves that are on duty or available. Let them know about the wine bars "flights" of wines (see bartender job description). Tell them about the bar games. Introduce them to other Spankers and other patrons at the bar. Let them know that they are welcome to dance on the bar or stage. Get customers to interact with each other... be a matchmaker! Promote the upcoming camp events (see the events page or events schedule at the bar for details). Recruit camp slaves! We all need slaves for massages, foot rubs, cooking, etc. The bar area and other camps could always use more human benches! ;) Let the customers know that they are in a safe space and it's OK to get their freak on... within our limits. Some people will be happy to just sit and chat at the bar with their friends, and that's fine. Other people need a little social nudge to get them out of their shells... those are the people you are looking for. When the whole camp is totally rocking, get on the megaphone and cheerlead/commentate the wild things that are going on (bondage wall, spank-o-matic, etc. Be fun, be humorous, promote the village and/or camp names often. |
| Job: Bouncer/Doorman (Thug) Objective: To protect the village, it's members and customers. To guard private spaces. Shift duration: 4 hours Hours of Operation: 8pm - 4am Equipment Needed: Flashlight, security vest, two way radio, a talent for diplomacy Description: The bouncer's main job is to ensure the security of the village during peak hours. To make sure that there are no under-age persons drinking alcohol or viewing "adult oriented" scenes in the village. Also, to ensure that the dancers and mistresses are not being harassed by anyone. And to guard private spaces like the bordello or other structures when there are private scenes happening that are not open to the general public. If the bouncer is working the "main entrance" of the village, he should inform people entering that there is a good chance that they will see adult oriented scenes in the village and ask if they are OK with that. The bouncer's job is not one of violence or harsh confrontation, but rather, one of diplomacy and reason. If any situation escalates to a threat of violence, the bouncer should immediately attempt to contact a ranger or law enforcement. The only exception to this rule would be an immanent threat to somebody else's safety, at which time the bouncer will shout "code blue" along with the location where help is needed. At that point, every member of the village within earshot will come to the bouncers/patrons aid in a attempt to stop any ensuing violence from occurring. The village supervisor and Admiral Painjoy must be made aware of any situations as soon as possible. |
| Job: Spank-O-Matic Operator (Red Cheek) Objective: To safely administer spankings to our customers on the world famous Spank-O-Matic machine. Shift Duration: 2 hours Hours of Operation: 3pm - 3am Equipment Needed: A sexy costume, a riding crop and the Spank-O-Matic, oh yeah, and a finger! Description: Do not operate the machine unless you have been trained in it's use by Mayor Joey or another qualified instructor. Prior to administering spankings, make sure the customer is positioned properly (hands on knees and bent at the waist and knees) and that they are not wearing anything that could hurt/stab them when the paddle strikes. Inform customers that they must resist the temptation to put their hands behind them during the spanking as this could cause a broken finger. Nudity is allowed and encouraged, but not required. The customer should be informed to say "thank you" when they have had enough spankings. A riding crop is useful when positioning people to the right height and distance from the machine to receive a proper spank. Pay close attention to the customer when you depress the trigger to ensure that they are following the rules. Stop when they say "thank you" or if you notice a problem or malfunction. If there are many people waiting for a spanking, try to keep them a bit organized. Ask the crowd to keep a safe distance from the scene. Pictures are only allowed with the customer's permission. Safety: The Operator’s job is to spank the SOM participants by depressing the SOM activator button. Be sure to try it on yourself to understand how firm it is and how quickly it can re-cycle. It is important that you pay close attention to everything that is happening, particularly the reactions of the participant. DO NOT start spanking until everything is ready and safe. Stop spanking if the participant takes his/her hands off his/her knees, or if you see any problem with the machine or situation. Check the SOM often for loose parts. Do not allow anyone within 5 ft. of the SOM except for the participant. NEVER give the controls to anyone else. If you need to put the controls down for any reason, turn off the machine first by disconnecting the air supply. If the machine becomes unsafe in any way, shut it down and fix it, or find someone who can. |
| Job: Orgasmatron Operator (Rocket) Objective: To provide sensual rides on the Orgasmatron Shift Duration: 2 hours Hours of Operation: 3pm - 3am Equipment Needed: Cleaning supplies and a Greeter Description: First, learn how to operate the machine from a qualified operator. The objective of the machine (and the operator) is to provide women (and even some men) with orgasms. The machine is basically a vibrating bicycle seat with a clitoral stimulator. The machine can be ridden with clothing, but it is most effective without. (this is why we sanitize the machine after each use... no exceptions!) Once the customer is positioned on the machine, the operator can manipulate the intensity of the vibration with a control knob. A talented operator will start slow and build up with pulses (but the customer's comments or body language will dictate your actions). Keep in mind that the higher vibration settings, if prolonged, will merely make the genitals numb. One of the most important elements of the machine and it's operator is establishing trust. The customer is in charge and you are there to serve them (although... just like all the other machines in camp, we don't allow customers, or their friends to operate the machine). Let the customer know that nothing bad or unwanted will happen to them and they can stop at any time. Let the customer view the "Orgasmatron Menu" of services. Once a service has been selected, the request is honored. Stick to the request. Don't push the customer into something they didn't agree to. If you, as an operator, are not comfortable performing one (or any) of the services, let the customer know that you personally don't offer that one, but you will try to find another operator who does. When a customer is done with their ride, help them down... they may be a bit "weak kneed". Clean the seat, etc. after each customer with disinfectant spray... no exceptions! |
| Job: Orgasmatron Greeter (NoCumYet) Objective: To encourage new customers to try the machine and to keep waiting customers organized and to ensure that private sessions on the Orgasmatron are not interupted Shift Duration: 2 hours Hours of Operation: 3pm - 3am Equipment Needed: Knowledge of the Machine, The Orgasmatron Menu, Flashlight for evening hours and an Operator Description: You are the person who greets new customers and entices prospective customers. You also make sure that private sessions are not interrupted. Make waiting customers comfortable and keep the waiting area neat and organized. Give them a description of the machine... assure prospective customers that the ride and the space are safe, and that we are very professional. Let waiting customers view the Orgasmatron Menu. Assist the operator with recruitment of additional people for customer fantasies if needed. |
| Job: Hello Camp Distributor (Name Game) Objective: To distribute funny/dirty Hello Camp name badges to passers-by and to promote the village's events and attractions Shift Duration: 1 hour Hours of Operation: 3pm-5pm and 24/7 ad hoc Equipment Needed: Name badges, trash bag, costume or cool outfit Description: Name badges and trash bags are kept under the bar. You (and partner if you have one) go out on the Esplanade and stop people. You give them a new dirty name badge. You throw the trash in the trash bag. There are a million ways to do this. See Admiral Painjoy for some ideas/training. This is the most social job in the village. You will make lots of new friends. You will make lots of people laugh. Use this job to help promote village events, contests, etc. |
| Job: Bar/Stage Dancers (Haughties) Objective: To dance and be the unobtainable god/goddess that you are Shift Duration: 2 hrs (5 sets at 15 minutes each with 15 minute breaks in between) Hours of Operation: 9pm - 3am Equipment Needed: Sexy Costume (or skimpy costume... or no costume!) Description: To entertain the crowds at the bar area by dancing on the bar top or the dancer stages. This job is meant for both males and females. Dress sexy... or undress sexy! (Or dress silly and dance silly). The DJ should be playing dance-able music for you. If he isn't, politely ask him if he could. Please have a clear head while dancing so that you don't fall. If you are being harassed by anyone, alert the bouncer, camp bitch, ambassador or the bartenders. ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO JOIN YOU! Drink water between shifts. |
| Job: Teeter Totter Operator (Spinner) Description: To safely give rides to people on the Teeter Totter of Death Shift Duration: 2 hours Hours of Operation: 3pm - 3am Equipment Needed: Work Gloves and a Security Person Description: As the security person sends you new pairs of customers, you assist them getting on the ride. Seat the lighter person first, then pull down the empty chair with the rope, then seat the heavier person. Then use the sliding counter-weight to balance the two people. Let them know that they can make the teeter totter move up and down by moving their body weight forward and backward. When they are ready, you can begin to spin the machine. The rides should last for 2-3 minutes. Dismount the heavier person first while keeping your body weight on their end. Then slowly lower the lighter person down with the rope so they can dismount. It is very important that you get training before you operate this. Make sure you have a clear head... if the machine hits you in the head it could cause serious injury. Make sure not to operate the machine if onlookers are within the safety fence area. |
| Job: Teeter Totter Security (Compound Fracture) Objective: To organize the line of people waiting to ride the TToD and to ensure that nobody enters the perimeter until invited Shift Duration: 2 hours Hours of Operation: 3pm - 3am Equipment Needed: Safety Vest, Flashlight (night), know location of FA kit Description: To ensure that unauthorized persons don't enter the safety fence area until invited to ride the machine. To assist the operator as needed with mounting and dismounting customers. To keep the waiting line organized. |
| Job: Centrifuge Operator (Pushme - Pullme) Objective: To safely give people rides on the Centrifuge machine Shift Duration: 2 hours Hours of Operation: 3pm - 3am Equipment Needed: Work Gloves, flashlight (night), know location of FA Kit Description: Learn how the machine works prior to your shift (see Mayor Joey or Admiral Painjoy). To organize the waiting line. To properly balance the people opposing riders so the machine doesn't tip over. To assist people getting on/off the ride. Make sure they get on/off simultaneously. Instruct riders on how the machine works. Give the machine a push to get them started. Keep onlookers out of the safety perimeter. |
| Job: Burning Band Parade Musician (Sousa) Objective: To help organize, march, and play music during official Spanky's parades Duration: 2 hours Hours of Operation: Tue/Fri from 5pm - 7pm Equipment Needed: Your instrument, costume, lyric sheets (if needed) Description: Burning Band members are responsible for making sure the two or three parades we lead are actually parade-like. And I don't mean marching. We do NOT march. Band members caught marching in step will be forced to play solos in the key of WTF? No, it means - besides playing the songs your leader calls up - entertaining the audience in any way feasible. Go ahead and toss candy, wave, look pretty, look pretty weird, yell things, pretend to be some dignitary! That's all good. Also, our scheduled parades happen irregardless of dust storms. If a dust storm hits we still need you to show up. Parading through dust storms has, if nothing else, led to some memorable photos of the band. Well, okay, we might delay a parade a little while, but not cancel it. |
| JOB TRAINING No experience is necessary for any of the jobs listed below. We will be happy to show you how to do any of these jobs after you arrive on the playa. |
| Job: Chairway to Heaven Operator (aka Tower) Objective: To safely operate the Chairway-to-Heaven, also known as The Tower. Hours of Operation: 3pm - 3am Duration: 2 hrs Equipment and Skills Needed: Chairway-to-Heaven. Gloves optional. Good back and good upper-body strength. Water to drink, since this can require a fair amount of physical effort. Description: The Chairway offers a fantastic way to view Burning Man from a height of 4 stories, and anyone sitting at the top will be the highest citizen of Black Rock City. Or at least will be at the greatest altitude. As a Tower Operator, you will be worshiped and thanked, and maybe bribed. Your job is to fasten the guest into the seat, load the correct amount of ballast, double- check buoyancy, and while monitoring safety carefully, send the guest to the top for a 2- 3 minute stay. After pulling the guest back down, you should secure the seat and allow the guest to exit. Good upper body strength is important, both for loading and unloading 25-lb counter- balance weights, and for pulling the chair 40-feet back down from the top. Properly operated, the Chairway is completely safe. Unfortunately, a mistakes could be dangerous. Hands-on training will be provided to all operators by the Chairway coordinator, Mayor Joey, Major-D, or by some other qualified operator. If the Chairway is locked, Mayor Joey, the Tower Coordinator and Major-D will have keys to unlock it. Safety: Because mistakes can be dangerous, correct operation of the Chairway is absolutely critical. No one should attempt to operate the tower who has not received training from a qualified operator/trainer. Furthermore, it’s really important that the 5-point harness for the seat be properly fastened and tested. A guest is likely to die if he or she falls 40’, and under no circumstances should a guest be allowed to ride who is not properly fastened. The operator should also carefully assess the rider’s mental attitude. If someone seems so unstable or intoxicated that they may unfasten themselves, don’t let them ride. Children under 18 should not be allowed to ride without their parents consent and presence. It’s very important that the correct amount of ballast be loaded for each guest, and that the seat be checked for proper buoyancy. Too much buoyancy, or pulling the lock- down pin without checking, may result in an uncontrolled rise, with serious consequences when the seat reaches the top of the tower. The lock-down pin should not be pulled unless and until the Operator and Brakeman both agree that everything is ready to go. It’s very important that the seat be allowed to rise at a controlled rate, and that the travel be slowed to a crawl as the seat reaches the final inches of its travel. People will be standing directly below the guest in the tower, and anything dropped from that height could easily penetrate the skull of someone underneath. No one should be allowed to take anything up with them that could be dropped. Only allow a camera if it has a neck strap, and that neck strap is around the guest’s neck. Either the operator or brakeman should be watching at all times for dropped objects and react accordingly if something is seen to be falling. Only qualified and trained operators are allowed to operate the Chairway. The training is neither complex nor lengthy, but it is mandatory. NEVER leave the Chairway unattended and unlocked. If you must leave, and another qualified operator is not present to assume responsibility, LOCK THE CHAIRWAY SO IT CANNOT BE OPERATED. |
| Job: Ethyl Operator (aka Teenage Enema Nurse) Objective: To safely administer a refreshing Flaming Propane Enema to our guests who desire such a luxurious treatment. Hours of Operation: 3pm - 3am Duration: 2 hrs Equipment Needed: Ethyl (a converted gas pump) Description: Ethyl has the capability of administering a delightful blast of warm air to the posterior of anyone lucky enough to be selected for treatment. Ok, that's perhaps not completely accurate. Ethyl will shoot a bright blue flame right on the tailpipe of anyone who is nuts enough to drop their pants for this madness. And, yes, people actually will do that. Sometimes even twice, but almost never 3 times. Your job is to help bring this incredible experience to our unsuspecting guests, and do it in a way that maximizes the entertainment value for our other guests (who were smart enough to not go first), without injuring the actual recipient. As a Flaming Enema nurse, you should first familiarize your self with the equipment and sensation. Point the hose at your hand from 4 inches, squeeze the handle half-way for about 1 second, then squeeze the rest of the way for ignition. Won't do much. Increase the time to 2 seconds, then three, then four. At some point you will find the level where you really wouldn't want this thing toasting your ass and that should be the maximum time you use for any guest. Maybe even more than you want to do to anyone else, considering the equipment in the general area where you will be directing this monster. You may also find you will want to wear ear plugs. Prep comes first. The recipient needs to drop their pants, and their underwear, if any. Then they need to gather up their shirt with one hand and hold it away from their butt. This is especially true for someone wearing synthetics, which are very flammable. Next, get the victim to bend over, and have him hold his nut sack. We sure don't want to be blowing that thing off, do we? Actual operation is pretty simple, once the victim is properly positioned and exposed, and nothing flammable is nearby. Just squeeze the handle half way, and you'll hear the gas that is filling the hose. Count out the right number of seconds (2-3), then squeeze the rest of the way. Big BANG. Expect the guest to then have a big smile on his face, and a desire to never go through that again. Great fun. Safety: Be careful not to use too much gas!!! Don’t Burn People! In case of a fire accident, remember... STOP, DROP AND ROLL!!! Always know where the fire extinguisher is. Always know where the first aid kit is. Don’t leave Ethyl unattended. If the machine malfunctions, discontinue use until repairs are made. Beyond that, keep at least 4 inches between the hose and the person's ass. Too close, or too much gas, and you risk personal injury. After all, we don't want to be having to buy anyone a new scrotum, do we? |
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